Mature themes warning.
I have a gripe.
I met a stranger on the bus during rush hour who was standing next to me. He was tall, relatively good looking, but not looking too well. He seemed to be holding back groans of pain, was both flushed red and yet had completely pale lips. In fact, he looked like he was going to faint.
An older lady sitting on a seat even offered her seat to him, but he refused saying he needed to get off at the next stop. What a coincidence. So was I. The bus jolted and the man looked weak. He leaned against me and since he looked like he needed help, I didn't say anything but gritted my teeth to help prop up his heavy body. He didn't seem to notice that he was holding onto me as well as the pole to help him keep his balance.
When the bus stopped at the next bus stop, the middle aged lady told me to bring him to the doctor or hospital, thinking he was my boyfriend or something. There was no time to refute. I helped him stumble down the bus steps and sat him on the empty bus stop seat.
"Hey. Should I call the ambulance? Do you want me to help you to the hospital? Or to the doctor?"
The man didn't answer for a long moment, seeming to be in a lot of pain, feeling extremely unwell and trying to dredge up the strength to reply to me. He was still leaning on me and I could tell if I let him go, he might fall.
Looking around for help and inspiration, I spotted the medical clinic two doors down. I thought about how I should go about getting some help from there or whether to call the ambulance. I wasn't sure what to do. The clinic was so near and yet so far.
A patient coming out from the medical clinic came over to the bus stop to sit down and spotted my predicament.
"Would you like some help? I'll go to the clinic and ask a nurse to come?"
"Please?" I had agreed.
The patient hurried off and soon, a nurse returned with some medical equipment and a mobile phone. She called the ambulance first while checking the man's vital signs, asking me what happened. I could only tell her that I had met this stranger on the bus.
When we tried to talk to the man, he could only groan.
The ambulance came and the paramedics took over, listening to the nurse's report. I thanked the person at the bus stop for his help and seeing as this had nothing to do with me was ready to leave once the man was helped onto the ambulance stretcher. Unfortunately for me, the man, despite his barely with it state, caught hold of my wrist hard, refusing to let me go. And then he passed out.
The nurse tried. The paramedics tried. I tried. None of us could loosen his grip or convince him to let me go. In the end, the paramedics asked me helplessly to please accompany them to the hospital where they would do their best to convince the man to release me. So, I sat in the ambulance with them and accompanied the stranger to the hospital.
In the hospital, the medical staff went through the man's pockets and belongings, and found nothing but an old TERM public transport card. The kind with no ID attached. No wallet, no keys, not even a mobile phone. As a result, a DNA sample was taken instead, hoping that the man could be identified through the system.
They took my details, although I had absolutely nothing to do with this man who refused to let go of my bruised wrist. Every time I tried to pry the man's hand off me, it only gripped tighter, making tears spring to my eyes.
Then the medical staff, wanting to examine the man, tried to help me break free. No matter what anyone did, it only caused him to grip me tighter. Helplessly, I had to sit in and accompany him on all his scans and tests and watch the medical staff cut his clothes off him. I was used as a holder and passer of things since I was already there.
It was a long, tiring and cold night.
It had already been a long day. And now it was a long night. I just wanted to go home to shower and sleep. Wait. I was homeless now. There was nowhere to go back to. Nevermind. I could put up with this for now and postpone having to face my life problems.
In the early hours of the morning, a pair of policemen crept into the cubicle to look at the man. Apparently they had been looking for him and now they had found him. The policemen looked hugely relieved.
Xie Chen, the son of the CEO of Xiefei Enterprises who had inexplicably gone missing last week after a failed contract signing and who had been attacked and kidnapped on the street. It had been in the news, but I hadn't paid much attention to it. The man lying on the bed beside me had looked nothing like the photo the police had shown me.
The police tried to help me break free from the man's grip as well, while I griped to them about having being dragged into all this trouble. The police failed to get the man to release me as well, and instead, took my details. They'd be back later in the morning with breakfast for me to check on the heir of Xiefei Enterprises and encouraged me to get some sleep.
How was I meant to sleep like this?
Even so, after such an exhausting day and night, I fell asleep with my head on the bed and the man still refusing to let go of my wrist.
I was woken up as the sun rose by people rushing into the room. I was pushed aside and people tried to separate me from the man's grip, but his grip on me was so tight. Their roughness almost caused the man to fall out of bed. And then I was slapped for no particular reason hard enough to make half my face instantly swell up and my lip split. Blood dropped out the corner of my mouth and I winced.
A woman pointed fingers at me and called me names, accusing me of seducing the man and taking advantage of him in his weak state. She declared I was one of the kidnappers, agitating patients in other cubicles until the medical staff and security came to escort the crazy woman out.
I had to get stitches because of that crazy woman. Why was I being accused? I couldn't leave, even if I wanted to. I wanted to leave. Why couldn't I leave?
The medical staff soothed my unhappy emotions and tears, trying to explain to Xie Chen's calmer family members what was going on and why I was here. As a result, I had a cheque for ten thousand dollars stuffed into my spare hand as thanks and an apology.
Xie Chen's family talked to him and it seemed to soothe his emotions enough that his grip began to loosen. But the moment I tried to break free, his fingers closed down on my wrist once more on my bruised and discoloured wrist, making me have to bite back a shout of pain.
Eventually, Xie Chen was taken to a ward while I had to remain walking beside him, helping the porter manoeuvre the bed and then help the staff with the logistics of moving him from an emergency bed to a ward bed. Finally, I was able to sit down in the new private ward room by the bed and put my head back down. I felt exhausted and in an extremely bad mood.
The scent of breakfast food made my nose twitch and I woke up to find the police along with Xie Chen's family talking in low voices in the lounge area of the little private room. Upon seeing me raise my head, a police officer hurried over.
"Miss Fan Hui," the police officer sat down and pulled the little table of breakfast food over to me. "Mr Xie's family brought you breakfast. They explained what happened early this morning and are very apologetic for Miss Rong's impetuous actions. They hope you are willing to accept the cheque they gave you and not press charges. As a police officer, I need to ask you what you would like to do?"
I sighed and rubbed my face, accidently smelling my bad breath at the same time. Grimacing, I reached for a cup of water to hopefully reduce the bad breath and not stink out the police officer when I opened my mouth to talk.
"I'll accept their apology," I decided. "I'm not sure whether to accept the money or not though."
"Please do," said an elderly woman, coming over. "It will make us feel better and that you have indeed accepted our apology. You've been inconvenienced by our Chen and then you were attacked and accused for no reason. We understand it hasn't been an easy or pleasant time for you either. We really do want to thank you for helping our Chen in his time of need."
I thought for a moment.
"Okay then," I nodded my head in agreement.
The police officer seemed to release a breath he had been holding and gave me a smile.
"Have some breakfast. The doctors will be around later and we'll discuss how we can help free you from Mr Xie's grip."
"That would be great," I agreed. "I'd love to be able to go to the toilet before I burst."
"Ah," there were exclamations of realisation all around.
"I'll talk to the medicals taff to see if we can find a solution for you. Shouldn't be much longer," the police officer gave me a sympathetic smile and an air pat to the back of my hand. Then he got up and left the room.
Not much longer later, a nurse returned with a bed pan, toilet paper and a basin of water for me. Everyone was ushered out and despite my embarrassment, the nurse was very kind to help me maintain my dignity while I dealt with the call of nature. She helped me wash and wipe my hands when I was done, throwing the waste into the toilet.
She returned with another clean basin, toothbrush and toothpaste and a wash cloth so that I could freshen up a bit.
"Now that the blood tests from last night have returned, and with his family's agreement, the doctor is going to give him some local anaesthetic so that he will let you go," the nurse told me. "They didn't dare to do it last night because they still weren't too sure what was going on with his condition. Things are looking ok today. So you should be able to go home after the doctor has been."
"What a relief," I said and then thanked the nurse for her help.
I started on my breakfast and was halfway through when the family returned. Xie Chen's family largely ignored me to crowd around and talk to him despite his unconscious state. It was a great relief when the doctor came in with a syringe to force the man to let me go.
The moment my wrist was free, the medical staff took me aside to put some ointment on the big swollen and black bruise in the shape of a man's hand on my wrist. But then Xie Chen began to thrash around in agitation, making unintelligible sounds, reaching out for someone or something. Possibly me. I hoped it wasn't me.
Various family members tried to catch his hand but after he had held those hands or wrists for a moment, he threw them away to begin searching again. Looking around, I saw a bottle of lotion on a small table to one side and gave that to him. Xie Chen's hand seemed to grip it and feel it. And then he threw it with a roar.
Just my luck that it hit me in the head and knocked me out.
When I woke up next, I was in a bed in the same private ward room. A doctor who was present sauntered over to check on me and ask me some questions to make sure I was ok while I held my sore and dizzy head. It turned out that they had needed to sedate the man to calm him down earlier. As for me, I had two bumps on my head. One from the lotion bottle and one from when my head hit the floor. They had already run scans and I was fine. Just had a concussion.
Ha. Would I be receiving any more compensation for this?
Getting up, I discovered that I was so dizzy and nauseous that I could barely walk. I was immediately put back to bed and told to get more rest.
I guessed I was having a run of bad luck. Things had been bad ever since my former best friend had decided I was no longer needed in her life and was doing everything in her power to ensure I lost everything. It wasn't my fault that her crush had decided to chase after me. I wasn't even interested in him.
Anyway, after losing my job and accommodation due to her shenanigans, what was there left for me to do? I wasn't in a hurry to go home to see all my absent belongings that were no longer even in the dumpster. That evil ex-friend had ensured the landlord had thrown things out on garbage collection day.
Homeless. I had never thought that I would one day be so duped that I'd lose my job and become homeless. My ex-friend's betrayal hurt. It turned out she had never seen me as a friend. Just a big fat sheep.
I was really naïve. Too trusting.
Staying in the hospital wasn't a bad idea for now. At least it would give me a chance to think of what to do when I got out.
A gentle hand on my swollen cheek. Who?
I tried to sit up but was groggy. So dizzy. A strong but gentle hand pushed me back down.
"You're awake," said a low voice.
Turning my head and rubbing my eyes, I saw Xie Chen, this recent disaster, sitting beside my bed. I blinked at him and closed my eyes again, hiding my face behind my hands.
He was really quite handsome when he wasn't looking so unwell as before.
"You've really helped me a lot. Thank you," he told me. "I've also caused you a lot of trouble. I'm very sorry about that. If there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know."
"No need," I said from behind my hands. "Your family have already given me some money."
Now that I thought about it, once I cashed in the cheque, it would be enough to cover the bond and down payment for another rental and support me until I found a job. If I was frugal, it would be just enough.
"That was my family. Not me," Xie Chen said in a serious voice, pulling my hands away from my face. He looked at my swollen and bruised wrist. "I'm really sorry for everything."
"It's okay," I sighed and then struggled to sit up until he used the bed controls to prop me up and I could recline comfortably in the bed. "You're better now?"
"Yes," he agreed. "Much better, but the doctors want to keep us both here for another day's observation. The doctors asked if you have any family or an emergency contact that can help look after you when you go home tomorrow. They'll probably ask you when they come in to check on us later."
I just rubbed my face and winced at the swollen and sore side of my face.
"Sorry," Xie Chen winced with me.
"It wasn't you who hit me," I waved a hand, looking away.
"It still wasn't fair for Xueyu to hit you, accuse you or call you names. She's so unreasonable. I don't see what my parents see in her, wanting me to marry her. She's just an annoying and bossy spoiled brat. I don't think we'd ever be able to get along as a couple."
There was a bang at the door.
We turned our head to see a trembling and furious young woman pointing at us.
Oops.
The woman's nostrils flared to an indecent size, while she fought to keep herself under control. She looked around to see people staring and then stormed off, leaving the bag of fruit she had dropped lying broken on the ground.
Xie Chen sighed and went to clean it up.
"Sorry," he said in a low voice.
I didn't say anything, but decided to get out of bed to answer the call of nature and wonder when the next meal would arrive.
Seeing me staggering and stumbling, Xie Chen called the nurse to come and help me.
Most of the rest of the day was passed in silent company. Xie Chen's family came by again and apologised for Miss Rong Xueyu's attitude. Dinner was had with me listening in on their family conversations. I fell asleep not long after dinner and in the morning, after a few tests, was discharged with Xie Chen when the doctors felt we'd be fine to recover at home.
Xie Chen's grandmother had their car drop me off outside the address of my old apartment. Going inside, I gave my keys to the landlord who followed me out of the building, berating me and poking me in the head with her pudgy forefinger. And then I was left alone in the wind.
Wiping my eyes, I walked into the alley to the garbage room where the dumpsters lived to see if there were any of my things that I could salvage. Nothing. Of course there was nothing.
With slumped shoulders, I walked down the street, wondering what to do and how to escape from my ex-friend's attacks. Perhaps I would have to move cities. That might be best. New place. New opportunities. A chance to start a-new.
My ex-friend had really managed to fabricate good 'evidence' for all my 'misdeeds'. Nobody believed me or listened to me. I was at a loss for what to do. They all thought I was a liar. A marvelous liar who looked innocent and honest.
Liar.
I didn't think I'd be able to lie to save my life. I was such a bad liar. And yet, this label as a liar had been following for most of my life. Almost as long as I had known...
No. No way.
My eyes widened as I stared at a crack in the pavement. Li Lvxiu, my ex-best friend, how long had she been undermining me behind my back? Was this why all my other friends had left me? Why my parents didn't even want me to go home anymore? Was she the one behind all the misfortunes in my life? She had always told me that I was a jinx and it was only because she was blessed with good luck that she was able to offset any misfortune that I might bring to people around me and be unharmed, and why she was willing to be my friend. And me, like the lonely soul I was, had listened to and believed her.
Had I been manipulated? Had everyone been deceived by her? No way, right? We had grown up together. Shared bed, food and dresses. Shared secrets and everything.
I heard familiar laughter and looked up to see her.
Speak of the devil.
She was holding onto the arm of her crush, the man who had been adamant that the only one he would ever love in his life was me. Seeing the way he smiled and laughed with her was quite amusing. It just went to show that I had been right not to accept his feelings or his pursuit. I had been right.
He just happened to glance back and spotted me. His eyes widened and then shrank. His face flared red and he shook off Li Lvxiu's arm to stride over to slap me so hard that I stumbled into the wall, hitting my head and falling to the ground.
"That's for harming Lvxiu," he hissed and sneered at me. "Don't you dare come near her or I'll hit you every time I see you."
And then taking that evil woman's arm, he strode away with her. Li Lvxiu gave me a smile of triumph and happily pranced off.
Shocked passersby glanced at me, shook their heads and then went on their way, continuing to mind their own business. He had hit me on the same cheek as my previous injury. It hurt so much and I could taste blood. In fact, blood was dribbling out the corner of my mouth.
My concussion had taken on dark wings, making me feel seriously unwell and dizzy. I didn't have the strength to get up. All I could do was pull my legs out of the way of other people and do my best to try and sit up while holding my head.
When I finally managed to stagger upright, I was passing by a stinky dark alley between shops when I was grabbed and yanked deeper into the alley and around a corner into a cul-de-sac. There were fists and feet and elbows and knees. I had no way to protect myself. My pockets were emptied.
When they finally left, I gave a small sigh of relief that I was still alive.
A dark shadow fell over me.
"Miss Fan Hui," said Xie Chen's familiar voice. He sounded anxious. His hands gently touched my face and head, and examined the other injuries on my body. "Can you hear me? Fan Hui? I'm taking you back to the hospital."
Strong arms scooped me up and although he staggered at first, he found his balance and then hurriedly carried me back to the car.
His grandmother was ranting about the awful state of the world these days from the front seat, while Xie Chen dabbed at the blood dripping from the corner of my sore mouth and some of my other injuries.
"Go back to the hospital," Xie Chen told the driver.
I woke up in the hospital, back in the same ward where doctors and nurses fussed over me. I heard the beeping of machines and glimpses a policeman's uniform. It was only a glimpse and then I fell back down into the dark.
My heart ached. It really did. I wondered if it was worth waking up again or not. Or perhaps, I would be able to stay down here in the darkness and bury myself, not having to face the difficulties and realities of the day.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, depending on whichever way you put it, the doctors were very good at their jobs. I woke up.
I reported to the police what had happened and with a gloomy, flat voice, told them pretty much, the story of my life and why there might be anyone out to get me. The police promised an investigation. A thorough one.
I was discharged from hospital three days later and Xie Chen took me back to his grandmother's house to continue to recuperate, despite my protests. I really wasn't very well and I supposed it was a good thing there were people around to help take care of me. I was just glad that I wasn't alone.
I wasn't sure how, but a month passed.
The police visited and told me that everything had been cleared up. Li Lvxiu was being charged with fraud and slander. Her crush would be charged with assault and battery. My company were willing to accept me back at work with compensation and my previous landlord was going to give me compensation for evicting without notice. Rong Xueyu was also going to be charged for hiring people to beat me up.
Wow.
What had happened? Justice and fairness had never applied to me before. Why was it now? I felt dazed and confused.
And then, I broke down. I cried so hard and long that I passed out and was sick enough to have to stay a night in the hospital for observation.
Xie Chen's grandmother was very kind. She treated me like her own granddaughter, which made me cry even more. Why was she so nice? What had happened that the world had changed? I wasn't used to it. It was so scary.
Even scarier was Xie Chen and his gentleness. He often came to check on me and chat. Sometimes he'd read the news to me or tell me something interesting that had happened during the day. Sometimes he'd accompany me for a walk in the garden, always paying close attention as to whether I was feeling unwell or tired or cold. His grandmother's pleased and knowing smile seemed to make things even more frightful.
And then my parents arrived to pick me up.
I was scared. Scared to go with them. I didn't want to leave this world of kindness and love. But there was nothing I could do. They were my parents and I had to listen to them.
Once out the door, their bags and luggage were all given to me to carry as usual, while they scolded me and called me names, saying I was a waste of money and bad luck. I should never have been born.
Perhaps they were right. I should never have been born.
I followed them onto the many busses we had to change to head back toward the home town I had never wanted to return to. But they got off a few stops early and forced me onto another bus that would take us to the neighbouring provincial state.
In an unfamiliar place and unfamiliar house, my mother and some other village women forcibly stripped and beat me, forcing me into an old and faded wedding gown. My wrists and ankles were bound and I was placed on a sedan chair, tied to the chair, and gagged.
It was only a short wedding procession to the other end of the village where a man in patched wedding clothes came out to untie me from the chair and carry me into an inner room. There were red candles and red drapes.
After I was tied to the bed, the man in wedding clothes went out to the wedding banquet to entertain the guests. And I, realising that I had been sold by my parents, worked hard to escape. It took a long time before I managed to break free.
My wrists had been rubbed raw and bleeding by then.
Ignoring the pain and weakness from the beating earlie, I climbed out the window, fell down, not realising how high the window had been from the ground outside and twisted my ankle. Nevertheless, I gritted my teeth and limped away from the village, taking a route through the fields in order to hide my conspicuously bright coloured clothes. I headed for the mountains.
Although I wasn't that familiar with this part of the mountains, it was still part of the same mountain range that I had grown up foraging and exploring. The environment couldn't be too different. Besides, we were only two or three villages away from my place of birth.
Despite not having any tools or anything that could be used for living out in the wild, I would find a way. I would find a way to live and survive.
If my life were more like a trashy romance novel, the male lead, Xie Chen, might have fallen in love with the pitiful me after I had saved him. He might have been reluctant to let me go home with my parents and sent someone to watch over and protect me. But real life doesn't happen like in storybooks.
I was a despised and disliked person and although I had amazingly received justice, with the chance to change my life around, there were still people determined to make my life miserable. Like my money grubbing foster parents. Like my ex-best friend. Like that jealous woman who thought that Xie Chen belonged to her. Perhaps to her, she was the female lead and I was a villainess.
In any case, I had to hide and escape through the mountains, hiding my tracks in order for nobody to be able to find my traces before I found a way to get some money and return to the city. If any of the villagers in the area discovered me, this runaway bride, I'd surely be tied up and delivered back to the man's bed. Here, in this rural region, the traditions of marrying a wife were not the same as the country's laws and held greater sway over daily life. I had no wish to be tied to a bed and assaulted until I became pregnant and then give birth with the child held hostage so that I wouldn't escape. I didn't want to be beaten into submission daily.
I didn't want this kind of life at all.
I had worked so hard to escape this kind of life and get a job in the city where my parents and the village elders wouldn't be able to control me. I may have just been a bit of trash picked up in the mountains and raised by the grace of my foster parents and villagers, but that didn't mean that they could control my life or death nor that I would let them.
If people wouldn't leave me be, then I might as well just go out into the wild and allow myself to become subject to the laws of the wild. I would live if I could live and die if I failed.
Even so, it was heartrending that my parents, after learning from Li Lvxiu that I had lost my job and been evicted and who knew what else, that they decided since I was so useless, they would just sell me off. Since I was no longer able to give them any money, they would be done with me. They had been kind enough to allow me to pursue my dreams, but since I had failed, I had to listen to them. I had to repay them for all the resources and hard work they had put in to raise me.
Bah. Utter disgusting garbage.
Raise me?
When I was small, from a baby until I was three years old, I was fed rice water while they ate rice, meat and vegetables. Later, when I was a little older, my foster parents sat back in their rocking chairs with a whip or whatever came to hand while I scurried around to do all the housework and later, both farm and housework. Feed me? I only got to eat what I learned to forage from the mountains in the brief moments before the sun rose or when the sun was going down.
Clothes? My clothes were the rags the other village kids could no longer wear and even looked down on. I went about naked, wearing nothing but a big handkerchief until I was given some clothes to cover me up when I was five. And those clothes were always itchy, full of holes and not warm at all.
Shelter? I lived in the woodshed with old rags for bedding and blankets.
Teach me. Yes. I suppose they did teach me. Under the threat of beatings, whippings and canings. I learned how to do everything to their satisfaction so that they wouldn't have an excuse to beat me. Except they did. They found it amusing to watch me dance and cry and beg. I was their little whipping pet slave, there for them to vent their displeasure and frustrations upon.
And when my foster father began to look at me differently as I hit puberty, my foster mother made sure that my face was always disfigured and swollen, that I was beaten black and blue. I supposed it was one way to protect me from her husband's advances, but it was also a great way for her to vent her jealousy and frustrations in life.
It had been a great relief to be able to graduate from highschool, get a scholarship and be accepted into university. The village had even given me a sending off with threats that if I didn't do well, the village elders would bring me back to teach me a good lesson. Had school not been compulsory with an official coming around every month to check that all the kids in the village were attending the free government school in town, I would never have been allowed to go. My foster parents had done their best to prevent me from going everyday as it was, just so they wouldn't have to do much work at home.
I had worked hard to get scholarships for highschool so that my parents wouldn't stop me from attending by using money as an excuse to make me drop out. Even then, life had been tough. Really tough, but many other girls had lived a rougher and tougher life than me.
They had been forced to marry early and forced to drop out when pregnant. They had been beaten until they dropped out or in some cases, dragged right out of the classroom while the teacher looked on helplessly, bound by the customs of our local area while the police turned a blind eye.
Anyway, I wasn't going back. Never going back. If I went anywhere, it'd be back to the city. Maybe even to another city. Another chance at life. A chance to be free.
I'd probably never get married and have children. Not if married life was like what I had seen in all the local villages and towns where I had grown up. I doubted anyone would ever fall in love with someone like me anyway. Somebody so low down that I was often trampled on like a dirty mat.
I was a nobody with nothing to my name. No real skills to mention or be proud of. Nameless. Useless. Hopeless. The only things that were really mine, I supposed was the money in the bank. But what use was money if you couldn't get a hold of it or buy anything with it?
Lost in my thoughts, I made use of all my wild craft skills to disappear into the wild mountains without leaving any tracks or traces. So that even if I was hunted with sniffer dogs, nobody would ever be able to find me.
One week. I gave myself one week to travel through the mountains and breakthrough to the other side. From there, I should be able to somehow find my way to follow the coast until I reached a coastal city. There, I might be able to reapply to replace all my lost ID and bank cards. The police may have retrieved them after those things had robbed me, but my parents had confiscated them again.
During the day, I foraged as I walked, collecting food in the bridal veil I had been wearing. At night, I would use a fire plough to light a fire that was big enough to cook and boil water using bark or leaf vessels. I would sleep by the fire and then hide all traces of my camp in the morning.
This time of the year, there wasn't that much to eat in the mountains, but there were a few edible tubers and wild vegetables. I managed to catch some wild game as well to supplement my meals and make sure I didn't starve. When needed, I would nibble on some bark that I had cut from a tree to tide me over.
Tree bark doesn't taste good and it's very difficult to chew. But whatever food that could be found to fill the stomach, even a little bit was better than nothing. A person can do almost anything when they're desperate enough.
I gathered wild herbs when I came across them and wild vegetables when I spotted them. Weaving myself a basket out of rushes, I managed to find a way to carry things. Using the fire and a stick, I hollowed and carved out a small bowl using the thick end of a branch. With some careful handling, I was able to boil water in the bowl and make myself wild vegetable stews.
At a riverbank, I came across some clay. Not afraid than anybody had followed me anymore, I fashioned a small firing kiln to bake myself a more fireproof bowl than my nearly burned through wooden bowl. I made myself a cup and two bottles, using a small broken branch to stop the bottle's mouth. In this way, I could use the xylem system of a live tree branch to help me filter water from one bottle to another.
Or that was the plan. The hard part was making a waterproof seal with the branch. And not having a knife, I had to use a river stone to sand the branch into the right sizes.
My clay goods were clumsy, ugly and heavy, but they were better than what I had before. Unfortunately, one of my claypots broke while it was on the fire, resulting in all my dinner falling into the ashes to be burnt.
Obsessed with the need to perfect my skills, and to deal with my day to day life, I ended up roaming the mountains all over the place. Until one day, I stepped out of the forest and looked down and open government road. Down the road, the sun was setting in a glorious display of orange, gold, pink and yellow. It was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.
I had somehow roamed to the tail end of the mountain range, looking down the slope into a small seaside village. It looked so picturesque.
"Excuse me," a man on the road below looked up and saw me standing still and staring into the distance. "Miss? Who are you?"
I jumped at the voice and the sight of another person. Not taking another glance, I fled back into the safety of the wild forest. A few hours later, I more heard than saw a few other people with torches come out to search for me.
"Are you sure you saw a young lady out here?"
"Yes. Clear as day. She was standing on a slope staring at the sunset and then at our village. She didn't look like she's from around here. Although she was neat and looked clean, it was obvious she was very poor. Her clothes were all ragged and worn through. They looked a bit like old wedding clothes from the colour. She had a coat of rabbit skins sewn together slung around her shoulders and she had a basket on her back. Her eyes were beautiful and sad. It looked like she has suffered and has a story. We need to help her. Winter is coming. How will she survive in the snow wearing so little? She didn't even have any shoes. Just broken straw sandals."
Hmm. That was quite the romanticised description.
"Maybe she's a wild girl who has been living deep in the mountains and came out to have a look?"
"The government has already searched this area for all those reclusive mountain people and forced them to come down to join society. There's nobody left up there."
"Maybe she's a girl from a neighbouring area who ran away from a forced marriage and is hiding in the mountains?"
"That's much more likely."
"That's right. Don't let your imagination run away with you. What day and age is this now, still forcing girls into arranged marriages where they are forced to suffer abuse from their husband's families for the rest of their lives? Those village people really need a slap in the face and to be educated."
"Did you hear the news from the next province over where the government went into overdrive, capturing and punishing an entire country because of their old feudal marriage practices. They kidnapped and forced brides to marry against their will, beating them into submission and holding their children hostage. How horrifying. Those people all deserved what they got."
"If anyone dared treat my daughter in that way, I'd kill them."
"If my son dared to treat my daughter-in-law in such a way, I'd break his legs. Let him have a taste of what it's like to be helpless and vulnerable. Thankfully my son is a good boy and has never laid a harsh hand on my daughter-in-law."
"Sometimes I think the girls do need to be taught a lesson though. You've all met my daughter-in-law. She's such an entitled, spoiled girl. She's already used up all our savings and demanding more or she'll divorce my son. My poor son is beside himself. He loves her so much but she treats him like trash. He should divorce her. I didn't bring my son up to be treated like crap."
Yes. Children these days don't know how to handle any hardship. They have nervous breakdowns and get anxiety and depression over the smallest things. They have to be medicated. It's really a let down to society."
"Ahem. We've all been searching for so long, have any of you seen any tracks or signs that the girl was here?"
"I haven't seen anything."
"I haven't either and my family used to be hunters. I ought to be able to pick up any tracks, but this wild girl is good. She hasn't left us a single sign to follow."
"What if she was a ghost?"
There was a startled and strange silence.
"We've already done the best we could and searched the area. Let's just report this to the police and the forest rangers. Let them investigate."
"That's right. It's getting late and dark and we haven't found anything. We can't even be certain there was a person here."
"Come on. My wife keeps buzzing my phone, asking me when I'll be back."
The men slowly retreated the way they came and I followed behind them to watch out of curiosity and for the entertainment. I wondered if any of them would mind if I liberated them of things they didn't need in their homes anymore. It'd be nice to get some plastic drinks bottles, a knife, a pot and matches. It'd also be nice to get somebody's old shoes and a warm jacket.
Standing at the cliff edge by the side of the road, I watched the men climbing down the short steps that had been carved into the dirt and then follow the road back down to the small town below. Although I wanted and thought about going to pick things up, I was afraid.
It had been so long since I had last had any contact with people that I felt rusty. I wasn't sure if I could even remember how to speak. I was also afraid that they would catch me and judge me and send me back to my parents. I was afraid of the crowd and the press and the heavy, mocking gazes.
Although I had initially planned to go back to the city, or go to a city, I now felt that there was no need anymore. I was looking after myself fine out here. I didn't have to worry about anybody else's feelings. It was just that it was true. Winter was coming and the weather was already getting colder and colder.
I needed to find somewhere to stay. Somewhere with plenty of food and where I could stock pile food. Somewhere safe where I could hide from some of the wild predators out there. Maybe tomorrow, I had better start exploring the deep mountains nearby here for a good place to stay. There had to be a safe place somewhere. Maybe I could excavate a little cave home for myself.
A man lagged behind the others on the road and glanced back. Startled, he shone his torchlight at me and shouted.
I slipped into the shadows while his companions turned around but didn't catch a glimpse of me.
"If she was there, that means she was following us the whole time, but wasn't willing to be found."
"Do you think it really could be a... There's a story my grandparents used to tell about a girl who escaped her marriage by running into the mountains and was never seen again."
"Shut up. That was years ago. That girl has probably died or escaped over the mountain to live her own life. This one is alive."
"Come on. The girl doesn't want to be found. Let's just go. If she wants to come down, she'll follow us down and we can ask her then. She's obviously shy. Don't scare her."
The men left, glancing behind them every now and then. I returned back into the forest to find a hollow out of the wind to stay in.
In the morning, I returned to the cliff edge cautiously, wanting to but too scared to go down the mountain. I had become afraid of people. Who would have thought it? Maybe isolating oneself from society really wasn't that good for you. It prevented a person from receiving any goods or kindness, while at the same time protected you from harm.
I spotted the first man who had spotted me earlier there.
He didn't see me, although he was looking around. He had a bundle of old clothes, an old blanket and an old pair of shoes, as well as a plastic bottle of water and a covered bowl.
"Young lady, I don't know if you are there, but you looked cold yesterday. Don't get cold. I brought you some warm clothes and shoes. I hope they fit. There's not much food left up in the mountains at this time of the year, so I brought you some food. My wife insisted that I bring you a bowl of porridge. Winter is coming and the nights are getting colder and colder. You should come down into town. We'll take care of you and keep you warm during winter. It snows very heavily around here in winter and gets unbearably cold. Don't make yourself suffer. Leave a note if there's anything that you need or want. I'll do my best to help you. Feel free to come down for help anytime. My house is that one with the bluish chimney. I, Old Chen, and my wife, Old Lan, will welcome you there anytime."
The man talked a lot and nagged a lot, telling me that the mountain wilds were no place for a young girl to live alone. He told me about the large wild animals in the area and warned me about some of the traps that some villagers secretly set. He talked until the hot food must have turned cold.
And then he reluctantly left, looking back in the direction of where he had left the things every few steps. When he was gone, I crept out of the bushes to have a good look.
I put on the warm clothes and the old shoes. They were all a bit big, but they fit. Nice. It was so nice to feel a bit warmer. I drank the now cold porridge and took it away to wash clean. After drying it with the hem of my skirt, I filled it with dried herbs that I had found and dried during my travels. They were the usual traditional herbs used for warming the body and keeping a person's immune system healthy. Nothing expensive.
I replaced the bowl where I had found it and went back to the deeper forest to search for somewhere to live for the winter. No need to stay here and linger. If I really asked for anything more, like a knife or a pot, then people would come to look for me again. I didn't want them to look for me.
Just hearing other people speaking and getting used to hearing spoken language again was quite novel. I was really rusty. Getting used to people around me would take some time and right now, I didn't want to get used to it. I wanted to return to my quiet solitude. People were unpredictable and scary. Who knew what they were really thinking behind the nice words they spoke.
A wandering bear glanced at me and wandered over to sniff me while I stayed stock still. I didn't have anything on me that it would want and so it was probably just curious. It clumsily patted me over, its claws catching on the front of my dress and tearing a large gash through it.
The bear paused and reached out to grab a loose bit of cloth, tearing half the front of my dress off, leaving me covering my chest and shivering in the wind. I yelled and startled, the bear scrambled away.
I continued on my way, grumbling to myself about stupid wild animals and then heard the sounds of something large following. Glancing behind me, I covered my face and head with one hand. The bear copied me and then covered its face with two paws as if trying to hide from me.
I blinked and scowled. The bear had taken an interest in me and I didn't want that. With irritation, I tried to chase the bear away, but after a while, when I resumed my journey, it would turn around to follow me, giving me a headache.
When I lit a fire in the late afternoon, the curious bear reached out to touch the fire and yelped with pain, growling and baring its teeth at the flames. In anger, it decided to fight, overturning the fire, scattering the red coals everywhere and tipping over my dinner.
In a hurry, I collected the red coals before they could cause a forest fire and burn us all alive. The forest was very dry. It could easily be set alight.
I scolded the bear and smacked it, causing the bear who seemed upset that I was angry at it for protecting me, pushed me so that I fell down. It put a warning paw on my chest and scolded me in its own way, cuffing me.
In reply, I tried to fight and wrestle with the bear. Unfortunately, I was too much weaker. Fortunately, the forest didn't catch fire. When the bear finally let me get up, I cleaned up the area and made sure there was no accidental lighting of the forest floor. I put out the live coals by stomping on them. The bear imitated me but then howled with pain, hopping and rolling about, holding its hind paw, looking at me with amazement.
I could only hold my forehead again. Once more, the bear imitated me.
Rummaging in my basket for something to eat resulted in the bear taking the basket and tipping everything out so that it fell all over the place. I smacked the bear again, but it ignored me, collecting the edibles and stuffing them into its mouth without a care for me. It watched me collecting everything and packing it neatly back into my basket. And then like a big child, it emptied everything out again.
Now angry, I smacked and scolded the bear. The bear retaliated by smashing my basket and clay things inside, making me cry tears of frustration. Unable to do anything to or about the bear, I went to curl up in the roots of a tree to sleep. The bear glanced at me, looked around and then insisted on squeezing me out of the hollow, obviously thinking it was the best place.
Speechless, I glared at the selfish bear and then stomped off to find somewhere else to sleep. During the night, I was disturbed by the strong and distinct smell of bear, and felt a big bulk squeeze in beside me. I wanted to leave and escape, but was captured and hugged to the bear, making me want to cry but having no way to escape. I could only make do with being half squashed by an unreasonable male bear. At least it was warm.
In the morning, I woke to find the bear gone, making me sigh with relief. I rummaged amongst the bits and pieces of my broken basket, found a bone shard needle I had made and took a bit of thread from the bottom of my dress to sew the flapping bit of the front of my dress back up. It was hard to sew it while wearing it, and so I took of the dress to sew it back up.
While I was sewing, the curious bear returned, still chewing something. It looked closely at what I was doing and tried to snatch my needle. The needle got stuck in is paw and the bear flailed in panic, knocking me away with a heavy blow that left me stunned for a long moment.
After a long moment, it nudged me away with its moist snout and a licking tongue on my bare skin, making me shudder at the ticklish feeling and with disgust. Pushing the big head away, the bear thrust a paw in front of me, whining for help.
Helplessly, I pulled out the bone needle and the bear happily knocked me down to lick me all over. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but when I was finally able to get up later, nursing my bruised ribs from where I had been hit earlier, I saw that my red wedding dress that had been the only thing I had to wear had been completely ripped up. There was no way to mend it anymore.
Thankfully, I still had the clothes the man had left for me. I got dressed while the bear watched, playing with the shredded material of my dress and putting the torn fabric on its head. The bear snorted when the sins blew the material off. After trying a few more times, the bear gave up and left the tattered rags where they lay. I collected the remains of the dress. It could still be used. To pad my clothes and help keep me warm if nothing else.
I wove a new basket using the rushes by the mountain stream. When it was done, the bear snatched it, tipped it over and finding nothing, smashed it. Then the bear nudged me, seeming to ask for more.
I sighed. What can be done with a wild bear? I couldn't beat it or scold it. I couldn't chase it away.
I decided to look for something to eat, but whenever I found something, the bear would snatch it away. In the end, after an entire day of work, I received nothing.
I decided to light a fire and try to boil some water to drink at least, but the moment the bear smelled smoke, it knocked over my things, kicking and stamping, pushing me out of the way. And then it had the gall to ask me for praise.
I lay on the ground where the bear had pushed me and put my arm over my face. I didn't want to cry and there was no point in getting angry with an unintelligent big bear.
After a while, the bear came to nudge me. I ignored it and seeing that, the bear became a little rougher, eventually picking me up and shaking me so hard that I thought I might die.
Upon seeing I was awake, the bear finally sat down, hugging me in its arms and making whining sounds. I had no idea what it was saying or thinking, but it refused to let me go for a long time.
The sun was setting when the bear was finally willing to let me go. I returned to the old sleeping place from last night and the bear squeezed in again. When I tried to leave, the bear barked at me, hugged me tight and refused to let me go.
Thankfully, it turned over during the night and let me go before I was suffocated by the thick fur.
The bear left in the early morning to go wandering as usual. Carefully, I sat up and tried not to cry.
"Miss?" a low voice called me and I turned to see a forest ranger standing hidden in the shadows beneath a tree. "The bear has gone for now. Come on. I'll bring you back to safety before it comes back."
I nodded and followed the forest ranger, glancing at my scattered and ruined belongings.
"You collected a lot of herbs," the forest ranger nodded his head. "A pity they're all ruined. It looks like you've been living out here on your own for quite some time."
I only sighed in reply.
"My name is Jing Jun. What's your name?"
For a moment, my brain blanked out. Good question. It had been so long. What was my name again?
The forest ranger looked at me and his eyebrows came together a little closer. He didn't say anything for a moment, but used his walkie talkie to contact his partner.
"I've found the girl. She was being held captive by that young male bear that recently claimed this area as its territory. Hopefully the bear doesn't get angry and come after us."
There was the sound of angry roaring and crashing in the distance. Angry bear alert. The crashing sounds came closer and the forest ranger took my hand, pulling me into a run. We only went a short distance, and then he pulled me into a kind of hollow under the branches of a big falled branch.
He stood to face the bear.
The bear roared at him angrily and he calmly sprayed something in his pocket int he bear's face. The bear flailed, screamed and cried, rubbing at its eyes with distress. It wiped its face on the ground.
"Let's go," the forest ranger pulled me up.
"Did you spray the bear?" the walkie talkie crackled.
"Yeah. It was about to attack."
Suddenly I was yanked back and the bear held me in its arms, sitting down and crying to me tearfully. It rubbed its face against my body and I sighed.
"Water," I reached out a hand only for the bear to smack it down. I smacked the bear back. "Do you want me to make it better for you or not?" I asked the bear in a cross voice, feeling a painful rasp in my throat. It had been a long time before I last spoke so much. "You're so much trouble."
I held my hand out again and the forest ranger handed me an opened bottle of water from his backpack. I poured the water into the bear's eyes. The bear whined and complained, and then shook its shaggy head, spraying water everywhere. In its shaking, it knocked me over.
"Miss, are you ok?" asked the forest ranger in a low voice, not daring to make any movement while the bear was glaring at him.
I nodded and pressed my lips together when the bear nudged me to pour more water in its eyes until the water was all gone. This time, the bear swept me behind its big bulk while it shook the water from its fur.
The bear then barked and growled at the forest ranger, obviously warning him away.
I slapped the bear, making the bear turn to look at me for a moment, looking surprised. And then it returned to threatening the forest ranger.
"Shut up!" I slapped the bear again and it roared at me. I only slapped the bear's rump again. "Look carefully. You are a bear. I am a human. That there, is a human. Humans belong with humans," I pointed at the forest ranger and then back out at the wild woods "and bears belong with bears. Don't get things mixed up. Bears and humans can't be together, no matter how amusing you find me. You've already smashed all my things, eaten all my food and squeezed into my sleeping spot. You've taken everything I have. Why would I want to stay with you? You don't even know how to give me any benefits and won't let me eat. All you do is take, take, take. Why don't you take yourself away now and get lost?"
The bear stared at me in bewilderment and I clutched my sore throat. It was the most I had spoken in a long time.
The bear got up, whined and whimpered and hugged me in its arms, slobbering all over me, while I could only helplessly accept the hug.
I slapped the bear in the face until it leg go of me. It barked and whined at me. I gave it the scolding of its life until I had barely any voice left.
When I was tired and out of breath, I looked up to see two forest rangers leaning nonchalantly against a big tree trunk and cracking sunflower seeds.
I felt my blood pressure rise.
The bear looked between me and the forest rangers a few times. He sniffed the air and let me go, sweeping me back behind his body again when I tried to walk towards the forest rangers.
One of the forest rangers walked a distance away and pretty much emptied his backpack, pulling piling up shelled nuts, a few apples and dried fruits and drizzling it all with a little honey. The bear sniffed and ambled toward the food, while the other forest ranger beckoned me over toward them.
The bear glanced at us and then stopped. He swept me away from the forest rangers, causing them to hurry back out of range of his heavy paw. The bear hugged and sniffed me all over, kissed and licked me all over, mumbling what must be nagging words at me, before putting me down and pushing me towards the forest rangers.
Satisfied, he sauntered over to the pile of food and sat down to begin eating, snuffling a gruff bark at us as if to tell us to get out of here.
I wasn't sure whether to cry or laugh again. I had just been sold by a bear for a pile of snacks.
The forest ranger who had found me, Jing Jun, gave me some wet wipes to wipe myself with. I wiped off the bear saliva from my face and neck and clothes.
"How did you get taken in by that bear?" the second forest ranger asked.
"I was busy minding my own business, when the bear got curious and decided to check me out. And then when it discovered food amongst my things, it smashed everything and decided to keep an eye on me ever since," I shrugged.
"We saw it rip your clothes on one of the the forestry observation cameras and thought for sure you would be done for," the second forest ranger chattered. I covered my chest, remembering how the bear's claws had torn the front of my dress clean off, leaving me bare beneath.
Jing Jun brought his fist down on the second forest ranger's head.
"Don't worry," Jing Jun reassured me. "You had your back to us in the camera. We didn't see anything."
"We saw her in the other camera when she took her clothes off," the second forest ranger began only to be thumped on the head by Jing Jun again, while my steps faltered and I turned all over tomato red.
"When was the last time you had something to eat?" Jing Jun changed the subject and took out a muesli bar for me. Seeing my trembling hands have trouble opening the wrapper, he tore the foil packaging open for me.
I took the muesli bar with a grateful nod of the head and tried not to scoff the whole thing down in one go. I took one bite at a time and chewed meticulously. It was so sweet. It was the best thing I had eaten in a long time. Most of my meals while living in the wild had been bland or bitter because of the wild vegetables.
"Day before yesterday," I said, only remembering that he had asked me a question after having taken two bites.
The second forest ranger passed me and already opened bottle of water and I took two large gulps, heaving a sigh of relief. I hadn't been able to drink anything since the bear had smashed my bottle either.
"Did you come to the mountains to hike and get lost?" the second forest ranger asked.
Jing Jun looked at the sky with a sigh, shaking his head at his partner.
I shook my head and concentrated on eating the muesli bar in my hand, while the second forest ranger began a lecture on the dangers of hiking alone and complaining about tourists who thought they knew better and disobeyed the rules.
"She didn't get lost," Jing Jun finally had enough and brought his fist down again, interrupting the other guy's spiel. "Look at her and how she got along with the bear. Did any of her actions look like a lost tourist. She's obviously very experienced. In fact, if she applies to become a forest ranger, I wouldn't be surprised if she got better scores than you did."
"What?"
"How long have you been out in the wild for?" Jing Jun asked me.
I looked at the sky and had to think for a bit. Those memories were so old and faded.
"Beginning of middle of spring, I think," I said.
"It's almost winter," said the second forest ranger in a slow voice, as if he thought I was slow in the head.
Jing Jun and I looked at the sky again and then exchanged glances with a little smile, while the second forest ranger once more went on a rambling lecture about the dangers of winter in the mountains. His voice petered out when he saw the way both Jing Jun and I were looking at him.
"Uh, what?" he scratched his head. "I was just worried, ok? Can't I worry about a pretty girl?"
I was taken aback at that. Pretty girl? Me? What tree was the guy barking up? I glanced at Jing Jun who seemed to be able to read my incredulous expression.
"Pretty," he affirmed. "Definitely a girl. Therefore pretty girl is right."
That made me blush.
"Where are you from?"
I told them my village and county. Both men were silent for a long time.
"Where did you enter the mountains?" Jing Jun asked with some hesitation.
I told them and a silence fell once more, with both men looking at me strangely. I stared at the finished muesli wrapper in my hand and wished there was more. Jing Jun took the wrapper from my hand and stuffed an apple into it instead.
I took a bite of the apple and couldn't help smiling. Crunchy. Sweet. Flavourful. Even better than the slightly overly sweet muesli bar.
Finally, the second forest ranger couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Do you know how far away that is from here?" he burst out, looking at me with tears in his eyes. I didn't understand why he was so emotional. "It's more than half the country away."
"What sent you running into the mountains?" Jing Jun asked me with a strange intensity in his eyes, smacking his partner's head to silence him.
I shrugged and looked up at that blue, blue sky beyond the rustling treetops.
"Arranged marriage."
"Her, it's her. The girl the Xie family were looking for everywhere," the second forest ranger jumped up and down in excitement. Another smack to his head silenced him.
"Miss, is your name Fan Hui?" Jing Jun ventured.
Fan Hui? Was that my name? I could barely remember. It had been so long since anyone had called me by name. I had been all alone, after all. It sounded so strange and alien, like it belonged to a stranger. But at the same time, I supposed, it felt right. The name seemed to fit.
It was my name, right?
Distantly, I heard the second forest ranger nattering away over his walkie talkie, saying something about the police, an ambulance and someone being 'not quite right in the head'.
"You're not quite right in the head," Jing Jun and I snapped at him at the same time, causing us both to pause and exchange amused glances and then look away.
I didn't realise when, but we had reached the edge of the tree line, where there was the cliff steps and the road below. The men walked a few steps in front of me and I clutched at a thinner tree trunk, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with a panicked dizziness.
I couldn't go out. I couldn't.
It felt like I couldn't breathe.
The two first rangers looked back to see me clutching onto the tree trunk so hard that my knuckles had turned white. They hurried back to me.
The second forest ranger tried to pull me away, but I I resisted, holding onto the tree trunk for dear life.
I didn't want to return to society. Didn't want to face all the people and all the questions. Didn't want to have to deal with anyone or anything. I couldn't - couldn't - couldn't - couldn't...
"Close your eyes and breathe," said Jing Jun's voice in my ear and I felt his arms around me, gently lowering me to the ground when my trembling legs refused to take the weight anymore. "Listen to me and follow my instructions. Breathe in, two, three four, breathe out, two, three, four. Breathe in, two, three four, breathe out, two, three, four."
The second forest ranger had turned into a nagging old man again, complaining about how hard they had worked to free me from the grasp of the bear and how far they had walked. He seemed to be telling somebody about our journey here.
"I don't understand. She was fine just now until we asked her name. There's definitely something wrong with her head. She kept going off into a daze. And now when we're on the edge of the forest, she refuses to take another step. Does she know how much time, money and resources were spent on finding her? Does she have to be so selfish as to waste people's time like this? Selfish women like her who only think of themselves are a detrimental to our society. She needs to go to a re-education camp to get her priorities straightened out."
"Shut up!" several voices roared at the young man all at the same time.
"Get out of here if you can't do anything right!"
I jumped and skittered at the angry voices, my panicked mind making me act on instinct, fighting Jing Jun to escape back into the solitude and quiet of the forest. There'd be no angry people shouting and yelling at me there. Nobody mocking me. Nobody trying to use or sell me. Nobody trying to trample me underfoot.
I couldn't stay here. Couldn't. Just couldn't.
"Fan Hui!"
I broke free and raced back into the depths of the trees, searching carefully for any possible hiding places. I was careful not to leave any tracks or traces, even breaking up my scent track by making illogical jumps and leaps, and double crossing my track. I could feel the footsteps of somebody chasing after me, shouting, calling, but it only made me more panicked.
My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my breath fluttered harshly at the back of my throat. The back of my throat felt raw and my saliva was gummy. I could taste the metallic tang of blood. I stumbled on a dead tree branch, spraining my ankle, but I forced myself to go on. I had to keep running. Keep running. If I ran far and hard enough, they would give up eventually. They would let me be. I would be able to escape and they would never find me.
My eyes kept blurring as tears filled them, but no matter how many times I brushed them away, the tears would refill them and obscure my vision. Because I couldn't see properly, I tripped over a tree branch, skinning both palms and knees. After getting up to keep running, I ran straight into a tree.
Soon, I wasn't just brushing tears from my face but a rivulet of blood as well.
I cast my eyes about desperately looking for a hiding place. There was nothing here. Only a dead end. And so, I ran back the way I came, limping and brushing past the foremost of my pursuers, dodging out of his grasp with a swaying of my body. I chose a different direction to run in and ended up at the stream. I followed the stream up further into the mountain and found an old stream bed where the stream had once flowed, but now only contained a tiny trickle. The old stream bed went down into a deep gorge and I clambered down in a haste, hoping the people chasing after me didn't and wouldn't see. I slipped a few times in my haste but didn't have the time to cover up my tracks properly. I could only scatter some dead leaves or cast a dead branch over where I had fallen.
At the bottom of the cold gorge, I found a sheltered corner under an old fallen tree that had all its surfaces covered in soft and cushy moss. I crept inside to find a dry and unused cave. Into the deepest and darkest corner I could find, I huddled, hugging my knees and shivering.
I clenched my eyes shut, trying to keep my ears pricked and alert.
It was cold down here. It was dim and dark and obvious that very little light reached this part of the forest. It smelled of musty leaves and moist dirt. There was the smell of slime, rotting mud and mould.
Slowly, slowly, the thundering pulse in my ears settled. Slowly, slowly, I felt a deep drowsiness overtake me.
There was the sound of a scraping step and the clatter of pebbles. A splash of water and a man's grunt.
No, no, no, no. Don't come. Don't come here. Don't see me. Don't find me. I was not here.
The footsteps and the heavy breathing came closer and closer. I heard the rustling of clothes rubbing on itself, the crunching of river pebbles, the slippery squelch of footsteps and then the dry brushing of dead leaves stirring on the ground.
"There you are," panted a tired and out of breath voice in a very soft voice.
The man didn't come any closer, but spoke into the hissing and crackling walkie talkie radio that he had with him.
"I've found her. She's still very panicked and scared. I won't approach her just yet. I'll give her some time to get used to my presence first. Considering the location and how difficult the terrain is here, I'll spend the night out here with her in the forest. She's injured. Sprained her ankle, I think, so it won't be an easy journey for her to make back. If I can get her to calm down, I'll bring her back tomorrow."
The man poked his head into the hole where I was hiding.
"Nononononono," I held my hands out to ward him away. It was the only word I could remember how to say at that point in time.
"Ok. Ok," the man backed off. "I'm sorry."
I heard the sounds of him gathering sticks and the starting of a fire. Soon, I could smell the scent of smoke wafting up and out of the gorge, being carried by the rising air currents. The sound of the fire crackling and popping was somewhat soothing and relaxing.
If someone had built a fire, it meant they weren't in a rush. They weren't going anywhere and would likely not be dragging me out of the hole I had hidden myself in. I could relax a little.
I must have fallen asleep, because I was woken by the mouth watering scent of delicious food. Some sort of meat and vegetable stew. It smelled so good.
Hearing my stirring, I heard a man's voice speak from outside.
"Awake? Come out and eat. The food is ready."
Cautiously, I unravelled my cold and stiff limbs from where they felt like they had frozen in place. Hesitating and crawling, hesitating and crawling, I poked my head out of the hole from beneath the big fallen tree trunk to see Jing Jun the forest ranger writing something in a notebook by the light of he fire. He didn't look up at me, but took the little camping mess tin that had been keeping warm by the fire and placed it on a rock near the fire in my direction.
Was that for me?
My skin was still crawling with the remaining sensation of panic and my head hadn't quite come back to earth. Seeing the forest ranger, I recognised him, remembered his name and knew he wasn't a big threat, but still felt extremely wary and skittish. After all, he was a man.
Seeing my hovering and hesitating, the man continued writing in his notebook and spoke without looking at me.
"It's ok. That's for you. I've already eaten. I was waiting for you to wake up."
Slowly, cautiously, I crept over to the mess tin that was steaming on a rock. With a bit of effort and some hissing at the heat, I got the lid of the mess tin off. Now there was no way to eat the delicious looking stew that was still bubbling inside. I looked around for something suitable as an eating utensil.
The man sitting with his notebook slowly held a spoon out toward me.
I flinched and started, reached out and drew back. I took a step forwards and then two steps back, unable to make up my mind. The man didn't seem concerned. He sat patiently, holding out the spoon to me.
In the end, I stared at the open mess tin and then at him, and then decided to give up on eating. It wasn't worth the stress and trouble.
Seeing me slowly retreating, Jing Jun stood up in a calm and steady manner. No fast or jerky movements. I flinched back and retreated but he followed me. Very slowly and gently, he reached out a hand, palm up.
I stared at the hand for a long moment, not understanding what he wanted or what he wanted to do. I watched him warily, pressing myself back toward the hole where I could hide from the world. Before I could shrink into the little cane, he reached forward, took my hand and placed the spoon in it. Then he very gently tugged me forwards, leading me one step at a time back to the fireside.
"Come and eat," he said in a soft voice. "The food is for you. Don't be afraid and eat. Tonight, we'll have a good sleep and start heading back tomorrow."
He pulled me over to the fire and carefully set me down onto a fire warmed rock, gesturing to the steaming mess tin.
"Eat."
He went back to his side of the fire and continued to write in his little notebook. I wondered what he was writing. He glanced up and caught me staring. I quickly turned my focus back to the food that was still cooling down.
"I'm writing about that young male bear that kidnapped you. It's behaviour was strange and unusual for a wild bear. I have reason to believe that the bear was once kept in captivity before being released into the wild."
I nodded my understanding.
He talked about some of the local forest creatures, both plants and animals and told me about how he had noticed some abandoned bird nests while we were running, leading him to wonder if a predator in the area had disturbed the nest building earlier in the year. He also talked about the antics of a cheeky Holt of otters that lived not too far the the wildlife reserve where he was normally based.
The talk of normal, everyday and mundane things seemed to calm and relax me. Enough that I was able to start eating. As I ate, I grew more sleepy. Soon, my head was nodding and I nearly dropped the mess tin that I had picked up after it had cooled down enough.
I felt the mess tin being lifted off my lap and the spoon being quietly pried from my grasp.
"You're tired," Jing Jun murmured, helping me lie down and covering me with his jacket.. "If you are sleepy, just sleep. I am here. Stay by the fire. It's warmer."
I drifted off to the sound of his pen scratching on the paper, falling into a dream.
I relieved being pulled off the bus in the unfamiliar village where I was almost dragged into a house. My resistance was met with a beating.
"No, Ma, Ba, don't sell me. Don't make me marry," I cried, tears and blood dripping from off my chin. "Don't beat me. Let me go back to the city to work. I'll be good. I'll send you money. Don't force me to marry."
The women stripped my clothes off me while my foster father watched from where he was sitting in a corner, smoking a cigarette with another man in the village. Both looked at my body without change in expression. Only a dark hunger in their eyes.
The women half drowned me into obedience, beating me when I resisted and tried to fight how they were forcefully and painfully washing me. I thrashed and choked and screamed. Roughly towel dried, I was tightly tied to a chair while scented ointments were rubbed into my skin.
The old traditional and patched wedding dress was forced onto me. The complicated articles of clothes had no underwear inside. The women purposely tied some of the laces tight, making the strings and knots dig into my skin. My wrists and ankles were tightly bound. So tight that I felt the blood circulation had been cut off. They leered and sneered at me as they did my makeup, telling me that after tonight, I would belong to that man and shouldn't make a fuss. They had all been through it and while it hurt initially, if I was obedient, it wouldn't be too bad.
When I still tried to make a fuss, they pricked me with needles until my entire body felt like it was prickling with pins and needles and an unholy fire of discomfort. There was no place on my body they didn't prick with those long acupuncture needles, telling me to calm down and that this was for my own good.
My mother ridiculed my uselessness, while my father and the other male villager continued to watch with disinterest. When the women were done, the two men picked me up to carry and place me in the sedan chair waiting in the street with the waiting wedding procession. The two men took the opportunity while they were tying me to the sedan chair to touch me and comment on my body sizes and whether I would bear healthy children.
Both men stole kisses from my cursing lips until I was gagged with a red handkerchief. They stuffed the handkerchief into my mouth so deeply that it made me gag.
"What a waste that I didn't get to have a taste of her first," my foster father lamented, squeezing my breasts and stroking my thighs. While my ankles were being tied to the chair, his hand slid up my wedding dress, up my legs, making me shudder. "You would have felt great, being conquered and tamed beneath me. Now another man will have the honour."
He pinched and stroked me, and then pulled my knees apart to thrust a finger up there, making me gag with pain and discomfort. My foster father played with me and then let the other man play with me, all under the guise of ensuring I was properly secured to the wedding sedan chair. I could only cry and plead through the gag in my mouth.
"I can only give you this little gift," my foster father said, taking a little polished stone phallic looking item out of his pocket. He put it in his mouth to wet it with his saliva and then pushed it inside me, so that the end of it pressed painfully against my maidenhead. "Be a good girl and become wet for the man who will own you. It's not so painful if you are wet and ready."
The wedding procession jogged that little stone that had been placed uncomfortably inside me, causing it to rub up against my sensitive parts, jolting me every now and then with a spark of lightning. I felt like the sedan bearers were even jogging the sedan on purpose so that they could listen to me moan or grunt in between sobs.
At the end of the village, the procession stopped and I felt like I had been dropped onto the ground, making the stone inside put extra pressure on the painful membrane. A very skinny and dark man with a shriveled, harsh looking face pulled open the sedan chair curtains to look down at me.
He wore a big red wedding flower made of red ribbon on his chest and wore the red robes of a groom. The first thing he did was to slap me across the face.
"Stop crying," he told me. "Crying as if it's a funeral. What bad luck is that? You should be happy. Later, I will send you to heaven with pleasure. There's nothing to cry about."
The gag was removed so that I could breathe. He seemed to have noticed that my nose was blocked with mucous. Before untying me, he felt my whole body over and seemed to nod with satisfaction. His hand reached up my dress and he found the present my father had left behind for me. He grinned at me, yellow crooked teeth, leering.
From his pocket, he took a little jar of ointment and he smeared it on the stone phallus before stuffing it back inside me, between my legs. He pinched me with a wink.
"This should make you nice and wet so that you can't wait for me to make you a real woman later," he told me. "That way, you won't be so dry. I hate the dry women. They scream and bleed too much. If they're wet, they're more fun to conquer as I humiliated them."
He had obviously married or forced himself on other women before and had experience in this.
He unbound me from the chair, but my wrists and ankles were still bound. No matter how I fought him, I couldn't break free. In reply to my struggles, in front of the entire village, he sat down, lifted my dress so that they could see and spanked me on the backside until I howled. Someone gave him something to use other than his hand and then he spanked my bared backside until I felt it was completely bruised. He didn't spare his strength but struck heavily.
Phone cameras flashed and clicked.
His mother and the other village women forced me through the three traditional wedding bows and then the man picked me up to carry me to our nuptial chambers.
"Don't tie me to the bed. I'll be good. Don't tie me up," I wept. "Please. Don't hurt me. Don't beat me anymore."
The man ignored me, tying my wrists and ankles to the four corners of the bed.
"Be good, wife, and wait for me. I'll definitely be back when night falls."
I fought against my restraints, feeling the ropes dig into and cut my flesh little by little. I had to escape. I refused to accept any other alternative. It didn't matter how much it hurt or how much I bled, as long as I could escape from this hell hole.
Someone wrapped their arms around me and forcefully dragged me out of the dream. They patted my cheeks and I felt the sting of where my cheeks had been slapped in order to wake me up.
"Wake up, Fan Hui. It's ok. You're safe now. They can't get you. They can't hurt you anymore. You're ok."
I opened my eyes and recognised the forest ranger. Not a bad guy. His eyes were filled with heartache as he looked at me. Feeling immensely relieved, I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder with loud cries, like a child who had been injured.
"They tied me up," I cried, stumbling over my words. "They tied me up and I couldn't do anything. He tied me to the bed and it hurt. I was bleeding everywhere. My father, my mother, why did they pick me up if they hated me so much? Why not just leave me to die?"
"Shh. It's ok. They can't touch you or hurt you anymore. Your parents are in prison. That man is in prison. In fact almost that entire village is in prison. They've all been sent for re-education. After the Xie family couldn't find you with your parents when they visited you, they went looking for you. They didn't spare any expense. And when they discovered what happened, almost all the rural villages in your county were investigated and tried. They were all sent for re-education. All the people in the county now have to go to the city to get married and both families are questioned to ensure no woman is forced or coerced into marriage again. The whole nation knows your story now and everyone has been on the lookout for you. You've become a national treasure, standing for women's rights. You're as precious to the country as pandas right now. The whole nation is on your side. Universities have offered to give you a sponsored scholarship place for further study if you want and the government has a job waiting and ready for you. You have no idea how envious so many in the country are of you. You escaped an abusive marriage before the wedding night could be consummated and evaded capture deep in the mountains. Although many people think you died in the mountains, us forest rangers know. My colleagues have seen traces of you in the deep mountains and we caught glimpses of you on our cameras, alive, healthy and doing well. We understood that you must be greatly disappointed in society so as not to want to return, and so we hid the news of you and watched from afar in order to protect you."
"Pandas?" I hiccuped and asked with bewilderment.
"Yes. You're as precious as pandas," the forest ranger dabbed at my eyes with a tissue and gave me another so that I could blow my nose. "But with winter coming, staying out in the wild with what little resources you have is no longer feasible. I know what it's like to live out in the wild on my own for so long that I forget who I am and where I belong, but in the end, you have to return to society. I know it's scary and difficult. All those people. The crowds. Their words. Their eyes. So intrusive and stressful. It's an incredible amount of pressure. But coming back is also good for you. It's time to come back. You know it yourself, don't you?"
I nodded and curled up in the man's arms, feeling his acceptance and understanding.
"Don't worry. I'll be with you every step of the way. All the way until I can deliver you safe back into your fiancé's arms."
"Fiancé? Who?"
Since when did I get engaged?
"You know, Mr Xie Chen. The heir of Xiefei Enterprises."
"Huh?"
Since when had I gotten engaged to him. I had helped him. He had helped me. We were even. I didn't get engaged to him.
"The whole nation has been swayed by the love story between you and Mr Xie Chen. They're eagerly hoping and praying so that you can be found to bring a conclusion to the story. Some of the members of the public dug into your history and they know how you were framed and blamed by your best friend. How your parents treated you growing up. How you helped Mr Xie Chen despite your miserable circumstances and didn't ask for anything in return. How when your rival in love sent people to attack you, he arrived to save you and you lived with his grandmother until you had recovered and your parents took you home only to sell you on the way back. They say his entire family fell in love with you during your recovery. The whole nation knows everything. Mr Xie Chen promised to love and protect nobody but you, and to marry you no matter what condition you are in when you are found. His declaration made the entire nation swoon over how romantic he was. There are movie directors planning to turn the whole story into a series of sequential movies."
Huh. So stories could be written like this? That meant that Xie Chen had likely used the romantic line to sway public opinion and get people to help him to find me. Did that mean the forest rangers who had been protecting me in secret were going to get in trouble? Or did they inform him that I was alive and well?
My brain felt like it was full of cotton wool. Hard to think. Hard to react. Unable to plan.
"The Xie family should have been informed by now. They'll be waiting for us when we leave the forest tomorrow. You're going to have to be very brave. Don't be scared. You are a strong woman. Always have and always will be. You can do this. You can leave the forest. You can step back into society."
I took a few deep breaths to steady my jumping nerves.
"But for tonight. Just one more night, you can be as weak as you like and cry as much as you like. Nobody will see. Nobody can hear. And I will keep it a secret. Ok?"
I took a shaky breath and felt my tears spill over again while Jing Jun stroked the back of my head, holding me tightly in his embrace. There was no ambiguity of a lone man and woman together in the dark. There was only mutual compassion and understanding. Acceptance and acknowledgement.
I don't know how long I cried for, but I definitely cried myself for sleep. In the morning, although my nose felt stuffy, eyes heavy and throat sore, I felt much more settled in my emotions. Much clearer and calmer in thought.
After eating breakfast and sharing some hot water, I helped Jing Jun break up the camp, enjoying the silent camaraderie. We climbed back up the slippery gorge and trekked back to the tree line once more. Just at the tree line, I once more halted, hugging a tree in distress and fear. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to walk out of the quiet forests. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I was scared. So sad.
Jing Jun didn't rush me. He reported to the people waiting outside on the road that we had met with a stumbling block again and might need a little time to come out of the forest. I hugged the tree, sobbing and struggling with myself to make that final step.
I was scared. So scared. So, so, very, very scared.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Jing Jun blocked my way when I turned around and was going to run back into the forest.
"Brave girl, turn around," he told me in a soft voice. "You can do this. You can. There is no one stronger and braver than you."
I stood there, staring at him for a long moment and then took a deep shuddering breath. Slowly, I turned around, took a step, and then hugged the tree again.
No, no, no. I couldn't do this. I couldn't. It was too hard. Don't make me. Don't force me. I'm so scared. So scared. I don't want to go.
"You can do it," Jing Jun whispered. "Believe in yourself."
I lowered my head and crouched on the forest floor, hugging my head. Tears streamed down my face.
I could. I couldn't. I could. No. No. I wanted to go back to he mountain and trees. I didn't want to face people. The press, the crowd, the judging eyes. The snide comments and self-righteous hypocrisy. Just the thought of it made me shiver. I couldn't.
"Fan Hui. Treasured girl."
I heard another voice standing not too far away. I heard the crunch of many feet and I stiffened. I heard the sound of Jing Jun moving and out the corner of my eye, glimpsed him holding up and arm to hold back the army of people who had come to flood my quiet woodland.
Although it had been a long time, almost another era ago, and although I hadn't known him long, I recognised Xie Chen's voice.
"Fan Hui, I've finally found you," he said and I trembled a little harder. "This time, I won't let you have to walk alone. From now on, you will always be by my side."
I heard a thump and peered up through my eyelashes to see Xie Chen kneel on the ground, holding his arms out to me.
"Take your time," he called, not coming any closer. Seeing that I was on the verge of losing it and fleeing again, Jing Jun had stopped his advancement with a few signs. "Take your time, Fan Hui. I know you've had a hard time. It's ok. I understand. You take your time."
Another familiar voice called ot to me from the back of the waiting crowd. Her voice panted with the exertion of climbing the steep cliff steps.
"Fan Hui, baby girl, Grandma is here to take you home. Don't be afraid. Grandma has got you. Didn't I tell you last time? You have a place in our home. Come home, baby."
I shuffled backwards to hold onto the tree before I fell over. My breathing was all over the place. I couldn't think. Couldn't move. I leaned against the tree and closed my eyes, trying to follow Jing Jun's instructions to breathe. When I had got myself under better control, I lifted my head to where Xie Chen's grandmother was standing next to his kneeling body, panting hard and leaning on her wooden walkingstick. I felt sorry for her. It couldn't have been easy. I wanted to take her arm and help her back to the car, but couldn't muster up the strength to stand.
I glanced up at Jing Jun and he saw my silent request. He crouched down to talk to me gently while all the people only a few metres away seemed to hold their breaths. Someone at the back of the crowd was ushering most of the spectators back down the cliff so that I wouldn't feel so much like an animal in the zoo and be scared away again.
"How do you want me to help?" Jing Jun asked.
"Help me stand up? My legs are shaking too much. I can't move," I told him, trying to wipe my tears away, feeling frustrated at my weakness.
"Alright," Jing Jun agreed with his calm and quiet strength. He supported my elbow, while I held the tree with another hand.
I stood up and took one step. Teo steps and then paused, trembling. Jing Jun, who was supporting me through my elbow stopped with me.
"It's not a shame to be afraid," he said. "It's not a shame to cry and be weak. It is a shame to not do what you know you should at the right time. Seize the moment boldly. Go. You can do it."
I took another step and then a camera flashed, blinding me for a moment. I turned around to run when the panic at being so close to so many people seized me, but Jing Jun caught me and held me tightly. He glared at somebody behind me and made signs behind my back.
When I had gotten myself under control again and turned back around, there was only Xie Chen still kneeling on the forest floor with his grandmother beside him. There was another distant man in official uniform but because of the light and feeling dizzy, I couldn't see very clearly. Just below the cliff edge, I saw a man with a mobile phone either taking pictures or recording a video.
My breathing grew harder and I turned around again, almost stumbling and falling, had Jing Jun not already been prepared.
I heard a distant back of the man in official uniform and the scuffing sound of people descending the cliff.
"They're gone now," Jing Jun said in my ear. "Those piranhas are gone. You're safe now. There's nobody else here."
I took a few deep breaths and dredged up my courage once more.
I could do this. I would not look like a pretentious weakling flower. I would accept Xie Chen and his grandmother's offer. After all, there was no where else for me to go. Also, being with them was the only place I had truly ever felt safe and accepted. If I could live with them for the rest of my life, I should be able to manage. It would be better than braving the harshness of society alone. At least this way, I would have people who could protect me against the rabid wolves of the media circus.
I took another step toward Xing Chen and his grandmother. Another and another. I shook Jing Jun's hand off and was soon running, flying into Xing Chen's open arms.
He caught me with a laugh and hugged me tight. He stood up with me held warmly and securely in his arms, while his grandmother also hugged me tightly, expressing her concern and worry for me with tears in her eyes.
"Let's go home," Xing Chen said, looking at me with dark and moist eyes. He had aged since I had last seen him and he looked so tired. It made my heart ache. Just a little.
I nodded.
Holding me in his embrace and Grandmother supporting me from the other side, we walked out of the tree line to the edge of the cliff. Jing Jun smiled and nodded to me from behind, meeting up with the man in some sort of official uniform to say a few words. The officer nodded acknowledgement at me and I returned the head nod.
We were about to step down the steep cliff stares when there was another flashing light of a camera going off. I looked down and saw the huge crowd of people.
I lost it.
I broke free and made for the trees.
Jing Jun was immediately there to stop me from going back while I babbled in my panic about people and crowds, flashing and cameras.
"I don't want them to see me," I sobbed. " Don't let them take pictures of me. I can't. I can't."
Xie Chen caught up and enveloped me in his arms, gently taking me from Jing Jun with a nod.
"What happened, treasure?" Xie Chen crouched down to hug and rock me, crooning to me in a soothing tone. "What did those people do?"
"They took - took my clothes off," I sobbed. "Took pictures of me to share. They beat me and spanked and did things to me in front of the whole village. I can't - I can't - I can't..."
"I'll deal with it," said a deep voice and I saw a flash of the uniform pass me by. There was shouting and ordering for people to move along.
Silence fell. The sun was beginning to set. I felt so tired.
I hugged Xie Chen and watched the sun setting with glorious splendour, feeling drowsy.
"Can you still walk?" Xie Chen asked me.
I shook my head.
"Scared," I said in a small voice.
At some point, I didn't know when, Grandma had already been helped down the cliff steps and was now waiting for us in the car.
"Then I'll carry you," Xie Chen said, lifting me up into his arms with ease. "Treasure, you've lost weight. Do you weigh lighter than a feather now? If I toss you up in the air, will you float away?"
I gave a quiet giggle at his joke and held tightly onto him.
Jing Jun stood up and dusted off his uniform, smiling at me. He followed behind, bringing up the rear.
"Be brave," he mouthed at me and I nodded.
"Then, we are going to go down the mountain and leave the mountains, rivers and forests behind now," Xie Chen told me in a quiet voice. "Are you ready?"
I buried my head in his chest and shook my head.
"If you can't do it, treasure, will you let me do it for you? If you can't walk out of it, will you let me carry you out?"
I looked up into those dark eyes for a long moment and then nodded my head.
"Please," I buried my face in his chest again, feeling that block of fear in my heart again and knew there was no way I could come out the shadow of my past on my own. I really did need someone to carry me. "I can't do it, so please, please help carry me."
"Good girl. You only need to ask," Xie Chen gave me a kiss on the forehead. "This is progress. When you are weak, I'll be the strong one. When I'm weak, you can be strong for me. Ok? Right now though, your wish is my command. Come on, treasure, let's go home."
Burying my face tightly into his chest and holding tightly onto him, I tried not to think. I just let him carry me.
"Mm. Let's go home."