"It's true" Harry eyes widened in fake shock "oh my, Voldemort comes back and the minister decides that the best course of action is to send someone who only just passed her exams to teach us all defence during this crucial time. I do hope that the minister has a good reason for sending you"
"It's not your place to question the minister!"
"Oh, who may question him then? Perhaps I should just reveal this little conversation to the prophet and quibbler and see if the person shows up?" Umbridge's eyes widened in surprise, making her look more like a toad.
"Detention Mr Potter" she said eventually
"May I ask what for?" Harry replied
"Disrupting my class and making baseless accusations against the minister" Umbridge answered
"Oh, I didn't know the ministry is forbidding us from expressing personal opinions, wonder what the prophet would say about that?" Harry shrugged as a smile made its way on to her face.
"That's enough from you Potter, I will have order. You will learn respect" She added that last part with a girlish giggle.
"Madam, I'm flattered or deeply unsettled if we're being honest but I must refuse"
"Wait? What?"
"Well, you want to see me in private later and now you're giggling like a school girl" Harry responded "now I don't know how things worked back in your day but that's usually code for 'I want to have sex with you later'." Umbridge gagged in surprise while Harry and everyone else resisted the urge to just gag "Now, just because I'm famous, it doesn't mean I sleep with everyone. Now, while you are a beauti… a prett…a lov…..a woman. Yeah let's go with that, a woman, at least I think you are, I must refuse thanks to that fact that there is absolutely no temptation there. At least not on my end, though I can understand why you'd want to upgrade from the minister to perfection such as myself."
"Detention for one week!"
"That's quite alright Dolores, we all handle rejection in different ways" Harry smiled at her
"I did not permit you to call me by my first name!"
"Come now Dolores, you tried to ask me to have sex, we can drop the formalities even if I refused you."
"Two weeks!" She roared
"Of what?" Harry asked with a confused expression
"Detention!"
"Just to make sure…this is an actual detention and not a thing where I walk in and find you half naked and then vomit my lungs out?" Harry said slowly, many people in the common room grimaced at the thought of a naked Umbridge, even half naked was more than any of them were willing to accept.
"Yes it is and its three weeks now!" Umbridge's face was undeniably red
"Three weeks of my company, you must really be desperate for company Dolores" Harry smiled sadly at her "I hear Mr Weasley over there is single" Many of the class were desperately holding in their laughter "so is Miss Granger if you're into that that sort of thing" By that point most of the class burst into heavy laughter and tears of joy, apart from Malfoy and his friends and three other red faced individuals.
"Detention for a month! I will have order!" Umbridge shouted, but she was barely heard over the laughter of the others "Be quiet!"
"Madam" Harry spoke again "might I recommend some anger management classes?"
"Twenty points from Slytherin! One more word out of you Potter and I will double your detention! You had better be silent, understood?!" Harry quickly nodded "Good, now are there are many more questions?" Harry raised his hand, Umbridge appeared to be trying to look everywhere but at him.
"Professor" Adrian raised his hand
"Yes?" Umbridge looked at him as a tired breath escaped her body
"I think Harry wants to ask you something" Adrian said with a mischievous smile that would not go amiss on the faces of his brother or father
"Right" Umbridge sighed and looked at Harry "What do you want Mr Potter?"
"I wanted to tell you that Harry wanted to ask you something" Adrian said
"I was referring to your brother" Umbridge said with barley supressed rage
"Oh, you should have made it clear" Adrian said before looking at his book, his occlumency training was all that stopped his small smile from turning into a massive one. He could tell, he could just tell, that Harry was extremely proud of him at the moment.
"What do you want Mr Potter?" Umbridge asked once again
"I told you already" Adrian looked up from his book and towards Umbridge "Harry wants to talk to you?"
"What do you want Slytherin Potter?" Umbridge grinded her teeth, when expecting an answer, she was surprised that boy didn't talk. Harry just made a wild serious of hand gestures, he managed to slip a middle finger or two in there but quickly moved on to the next gesture before Umbridge could notice. "What the devil are you doing?!"
"Miss" Daphne raised her hand "You've forbidden him from talking, remember?"
"Mr Potter, you may talk" Umbridge sighed with annoyance
"I'm well aware of that fact professor" Adrian spoke to her like she was a child
"Slytherin Potter, you may talk" She growled in frustration
"Thank you" Harry smiled at her
"What were you saying to me with your hands?"
"Oh, it was 'can I talk yet'?" Harry answered
"And...why...did...you...raise your hand?" She spoke slowly
"I wanted to let you know that Draco Malfoy is also single" Harry smiled innocently at her. Malfoy face screwed up in disgust as pure undiluted rage made it's way across Umbridge's face.
....
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