Morning light slanted through the apartment windows, filtering into a living room that looked like a war zone. A couch cushion dangled from the ceiling fan. A miso bowl floated in the goldfish tank. A single sock—no one knew whose—hung on Gojo's forehead like a battle trophy.
Gojo blinked awake from the couch, surrounded by snoring bodies. Suma was curled like a cat on his lap, clutching his hand in a possessive death grip. Arashi lay sideways on the floor, one leg propped on the kotatsu, snoring softly and drooling onto a pillow she had stolen from Mizuki. Hikami and Mizuki were back-to-back on the loveseat, both clutching books like they'd fallen asleep mid-lecture. Hiyori had cocooned herself in three blankets and a curtain rod.
Gojo tried to shift.
Suma groaned and snuggled closer.
"...I can't feel my legs," he whispered, staring at the ceiling. "This must be Spirit God's punishment."
Just then, the building shook. A wind gusted through the hallway. The overhead lights flickered—and the doorbell buzzed with unnatural force.
DING DONG. DING DONG. DINGDONGDINGDONGDING—
"I'LL BURN THIS DOOR DOWN IF YOU DON'T OPEN."
The voice was clear, powerful, and laced with spiritual energy so thick it made the air crackle.
Gojo's eye twitched. "...Too early for boss battles."
The girls stirred. Hikami suddenly sat up, eyes wide.
"That voice—"
BOOM!
The front door exploded inward.
Standing amid the smoke, hair glowing like fire itself, was Dema Hikami, Prince of the Fire Fairy Clan. He wore a sleek crimson robe open at the chest, revealing a glowing rune etched over his heart. Two dual spirit sabers floated behind him like loyal hounds.
His eyes locked on Gojo.
"You touched my sister."
Gojo blinked. "...Good morning to you too?"
Hikami flinched. "Dema," she whispered, rising slowly. "This isn't the way—"
He stepped forward, ignoring her. "By Fire Law 267, subsection 9—'Any man who bathes, spars, or shares miso soup with a Fire Clan descendant must either marry them or duel the Prince for honor.'"
Gojo stood, lifting Suma like a stuffed animal to set her aside. "That sounds made-up."
"It is. I made it up just now." Dema smiled, eyes gleaming. "Prepare yourself, Spirit God. I'm declaring Household War."
Arashi stood, rubbing her eyes. "Wait, what the hell is a household war?"
Dema raised his hands. Twin sabers ignited with spirit flames.
"Four days of contests. Combat. Cooking. Cleanliness. Charisma. If Gojo wins, he keeps his household. If I win, I claim ownership—and Hikami becomes my bride."
"WHAT?!" everyone shouted in perfect anime synchronization.
"You can't just take me!" Hikami snapped.
"I'm rescuing you from a walking hentai incident," he retorted, pointing at Gojo. "You live with a guy who gets half-naked during thunderstorms."
Gojo opened his mouth.
"…Okay, fair."
Hiyori grabbed popcorn—already replenished. "This is better than daytime TV!"
Mizuki adjusted her glasses. "So he's hot, royalty, and out of his mind."
Dema pointed a finger at Gojo. "Let's begin the first challenge: Spiritual Cleaning! You have one hour. Whoever cleans the entire apartment best—wins!"
Arashi crossed her arms. "Are you serious?"
Gojo cracked his neck, stepping forward. "Bring it, Flame Boy."
---
The Spirit God vs. The Fire Prince: Battle 1—Apartment Cleaning Death Match
Within seconds, mops flew. Sacred scrolls hovered as cleaning familiars. Gojo summoned thunderous speed, vacuuming dust with lightning-infused swipes. Dema conjured fire spirits to burn grime and polish every surface.
Hiyori wore judge robes. "Cleanliness—5 points to Gojo for sparkle! But minus 2 for shirtlessness!"
Suma wore a maid headband. "Bias! My fiancé looks great shirtless!"
Mizuki tallied scores with a calculator.
Arashi sipped tea and leaned on a broom. "This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen... and I once fought a spirit tree possessed by a bathhouse ghost."
By the end of the hour, the apartment sparkled like a shrine. The floor gleamed. Even the goldfish had upgraded to a bubble jacuzzi.
Dema panted. "I...won't...lose…"
Gojo dropped his mop like a sword. "Round one...draw."
Hikami facepalmed. "There are three more days of this?!"
Dema grinned. "Tomorrow—combat!"
Gojo sighed, collapsing into the couch. "Can't wait to be punched in the face again."
Arashi smirked. "I'll cheer for whoever makes him shirtless first."
Suma lunged at her. "YOU WIND HUSSY—"
Chaos exploded again.
Pillows flew. Fire met lightning. Hiyori threw popcorn like ninja stars. Mizuki retreated under the kotatsu. Dema floated above them all, arms crossed, smirking like a king.
Gojo stared at the ceiling again.
"Spirit God's log… day unknown. Survived Wind Girl. Now must survive Fire Prince. And co-ed cleaning battles. Send help."
---
Next Time: Household War Continues—Combat Challenge Turns Into Bathhouse Showdown?!