"So that's why our daughter's been going through this growth spurt?" said Mebuki Haruno, astonished. "Some kind of special bloodline talent? I always assumed she got… those… from her father's side…"
"No, no, no, it couldn't have been from my side," said Haruno Kizashi, waving his hand. "You've met my mother, you know she's flatter than a board. It must be yours, dear."
So far, Sakura had managed to keep her cheat a secret from everybody but Tsunade, whose autopsy of the deceased Ōtsutsuki had allowed her to deduce that her disciple had the power to permanently steal other kunoichi's uniqueness for herself. But now, for some reason Sakura couldn't begin to guess at, Tsunade had gone and informed Kakashi and her parents…
"Sakura somehow managed to get a hold of the Uchiha clan's Kekkei Genkai, the Sharingan— widely known as one of the three great Dōjutsu among us ninja," said Tsunade, as she continued explaining the situation to Sakura's parents. "And unlike the previous abilities she acquired, this one is rather conspicuous."
When the Uchiha massacre occurred, it had sent shockwaves through the shinobi world. One of the strongest clans annihilated in a single night by one of their own, cementing Uchiha Itachi's status as one of the most infamous shinobi to go down in history.
But the question remained: if Uchiha Sasuke was supposed to be the only survivor, then how had this little Uchiha girl escaped Itachi's notice?
"For a month now, we've had spies trying to infiltrate the village's archives," said Tsunade angrily. "Attempting to steal Sakura's birth records, genealogical information and the like."
Kakashi made a thoughtful noise.
"At some point, someone's bound to succeed— is that it?" he remarked. "And they'll discover that until recently, Sakura was just an ordinary girl."
"Someone's already succeeded," said Tsunade grumpily. "That old fox Danzō already got his grubby mitts on Sakura's information, bypassing the interdiction order I placed on her files using his classified clearance as one of the village's elders."
Sakura's thoughts spun.
How on Earth had Danzō found out so fast? Did he have spies in the Hidden Star to begin with? Or perhaps… was he still in contact with Orochimaru? The rogue Sannin was definitely intrigued by her powers, and he definitely had an inkling of what she could do, in her opinion…
"I don't understand," said Mebuki dizzily. "Isn't this Danzō person on the council? Why should we be concerned?"
"Danzō is… troublesome," said Tsunade with a grimace. "It's bad enough that he thinks Sakura is an Uchiha, but if he were to find out about her true Kekkei Genkai…"
Sakura could very easily imagine herself strapped to a dissection table! And also tied up in tortoise shell bondage!
"Suffice to say, the real truth must never come out— for all of your sakes," Tsunade continued with a pained expression on her face. "So, let me put it this way: in the coming weeks, people will start wondering who Sakura's real father is."
…
An awkward silence fell upon the room.
"I thought you might want to know why people are going to be starting rumours behind your backs," said Tsunade sheepishly. "…in advance."
"But I'm Sakura's father," said Kizashi, gesturing to his own face. "Don't you see the familial resemblance? She's got my eyes, and everything! See!?"
But Sakura's mother had her priorities straight!
"What will the neighbours think!?" moaned Mebuki, holding her head in despair. "They'll think that I'm… I'm… that I'm some sort of maneater! I'll get kicked out of the Women's Association I'm a part of!"
Sakura's parents began loudly voicing their objections, while Tsunade sat there and took in the abuse in silence. But after enduring for a while, she decided they had vented enough, and she raised her hands to get some silence… which did not work.
"Now you listen to me!" Tsunade roared, slamming her fist down on her desk. "I'm not heartless, so for your troubles, I'm prepared to grant you a generous allowance, plus some prime real estate in the city centre, far away from your nosy neighbours!"
"…how much are we talking about?" said Mebuki, instantly changing her tune.
Tsunade smirked… hook, line, and sinker.
"You'll be given half of what was initially supposed to be Uchiha Sasuke's inheritance, which he would have gained upon coming of age, according to the village's byelaws— the Uchiha land, the properties, the fortune from the clan's businesses… everything," said Tsunade nonchalantly. "On paper, it is your daughter's birthright as an Uchiha, after all…"
Sakura offered a silent prayer for Sasuke's inheritance, but really, she felt she was owed that much for all her efforts. In the original timeline, Sasuke would've received nothing due to his defection, but thanks to her meddling with history, he'd at least get something— and that, Sakura thought with a wry smile, was better than nothing!
"But naturally, you won't get paid for doing nothing," said Tsunade, her smile widening. "You just need to make a big show of reconciliation, after which… you'll make our Sakura-chan plenty of little brothers and sisters."
Since Sakura's parents had given birth to such a cheat Kekkei Genkai, there was no reason in Tsunade's mind that they couldn't make another! Sakura was too young to have kids of her own, so her parents were the next best thing, even if they were getting a bit old…
"Eh?" Sakura hiccupped in surprise.
In the original timeline and this one, Sakura had always been an only child. Her parents were too poor to afford raising more children, so they had stuck to the one they had and showered her with parental love, annoying her to no ends.
But if they had money, then all bets were off!
"Hmm," said Kizashi, rubbing the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmmmmm…"
On one hand, no matter what he did, his buddies would laugh at him for getting NTR'd, but on the other, if he accepted the Lady Hokage's offer, he would instantly become a millionaire and get to increase the size of his family… more offspring to shower with his unending supply of love!
"Oh, just say yes, already," said Mebuki, flushing pink as she slapped her husband in the back. "Ooh, we can even have a renewal of vows ceremony!"
Kizashi turned to his wife and took her hands into his own.
"Mebuki…" said Kizashi softly, looking deeply into her eyes.
"Kizashi…" whispered Mebuki, blushing a deeper shade of pink.
This public display of affection was so nauseatingly sweet, that Sakura just had to turn away from her parents, making loud, theatrical gagging noises and pretending to puke.
'Well, as long as they're happy,' said Inner Sakura, shrugging and shaking her head helplessly. 'What a bakapple mum and dad make together…'
T/N: stupid couple, lit. baka couple.
…
Meanwhile, in a dim underground chamber, a masked shinobi knelt before his bandaged master, right hand outstretched in silent offering. Resting in his palm was a small insect, its swollen abdomen bloated with fresh blood...
"Oh, you'll get what you asked for, Snake…" Danzō muttered to himself, dismissing his subordinate with the wave of his hand, "but only once I've figured out why this Uchiha girl is so important to you…"
As far as he knew, Orochimaru never did anything without a reason. According to Sakura's mission records, she had encountered the rogue Sannin time and time again, but somehow, she had managed to escape with her life every single time…
More like, Orochimaru had let her go on purpose!