A trip back to the Chisaki estate before school opened once more was something I should have expected. Of course my parents would have wanted to see Kami after she had been officially discharged and before school had started. Despite the fact that it was the most obvious outcome, I still sat in shock as I received the message from Yuki that our parents wanted us to return to the Chisaki estate before we returned to school. Yuki had even noticed my shock and also my apprehensiveness about the whole thing, and she said that they also had some surprise news for us.
After the call had ended, I told Kami, and then I sat in silence for a long time. Even though it should've been obvious that our parents would have wanted to see us after everything that had happened, I still couldn't believe that they had actually requested that we come. Especially after Ariel had shown me the truth. Everything. About the lies that my dad used. About the truth behind my own past that was hidden from me forcefully. I didn't know how to react now that they called us back to the Chisaki estate. How were they able to go nearly a decade while lying to both me and Kami?
Kami had the same reaction. After I broke down, I had told her everything I had seen. About the fact that our memories had been wiped. I told her the truth behind the day that she had gotten hurt and how it was all a situation that our father engineered in order to teach us a lesson. More specifically, something he introduced to cut off my own ambition as a kid. It led to me becoming a shell of myself, someone obsessed with the mission they had been given above all else. And knowing that I had learned the truth, I didn't know if I'd ever be able to face my parents the same once again.
Kami was the same way. As soon as I had told her the news, she had become tense, her expression immediately being covered with confusion. However, then her expression became serious, as if in that moment she resolved herself to do something. When I had turned to leave, Kami asked me if I would be okay, and I told her the truth this time, instead of just trying to lie to her and play everything off.
"No. I don't think I'll be okay. Maybe I'll never be okay again...." There was no more trying to fake it and say that everything was fine after I had told Kami everything. Everything that I had been holding in and everything that had been plaguing me for a long time. After letting all of that out, I couldn't lie to Kami and tell her that anything was okay. She would never believe me. Instead, I told her the truth. "But I'm still going to push forward, because there's nothing else I can do besides that. I'll face whatever I have to in order to not only achieve my goals but also help you achieve yours."
I could see Kami gasp in shock, and her eyes widened a little. She was shocked by the amount of determination in my eyes, because she had never seen that level of resolve in my eyes before. Surprisingly, her eyes were filled with just as much, if not even more, determination than mine.
"Raiden. I'm proud of you. I really am. I don't know what spurred that change in you, but I'm thankful for it. You've even managed to inspire me, just like back then when we used to play with each other." She smiled at me. "So I'll do the same. I'll face everything head-on just like you decided to." I notice her fists clench together and begin to shake. "And this time I'll make sure I protect anything from happening to you. No one...no one will ever hurt you like she did ever again. Not even Mom and Dad."
The determination in her voice was real and raw, and I could tell that there was no talking her out of it. She had managed to hold her anger in when I had first told her; however, now I saw just how much it really affected her. I knew nothing I said would ever get her to not be angry, so I just nodded my head and recognized her determination.
After that, I had headed back to my room and sat in silence for a long while, coming to terms with just how shocked I really was about the whole thing. Still, I didn't want the words I had spoken to Kami to be rendered a lie, so I decided that I would go back to the Chisaki estate and face it once more. This time, I would do it together with Kami. I would face Takeru. I wouldn't just defer to his words again. I would face Takeru Chisaki and find the answer to my questions once and for all. That was the resolve that I gave myself.
So once again I spent my time preparing for the trip to the Chisaki estate. However, unlike the last time that I spent waiting in nervousness and fear, putting marks on my body to escape the cold, this time I was waiting by sitting tall. And never once cutting my skin on the way there. From time to time, I would rub the brand that was placed on my collarbone. It had now begun to fade due to the work of the doctors, and thankfully no one had ever asked questions about it. I continued to rub on it, and I found the feeling of the healed skin below my fingers to be calming.
I spent the rest of the trip on the plane there staring out of the window, rubbing my finger over the mark of domination given to me by my father that had lost its power.
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Stepping out onto the familiar landscape, I took a second to look around and take everything in. The plane had landed on a small runway and hangar section that the island had. That section connected directly to the main island. More specifically, it connected to the shore of the main island, which was a beautiful beach that had an amazing view of the water and the sun.
As both I and Kami were escorted off of the plane and through the winding path that led to the massive Chiskai estate further on the island, we took in the landscape around us. The trees of the forest that framed the walkway. The walkway itself was massive, around the size of a semi-truck from one side of the tree line to the other. The path was well-worn, and every step we took felt familiar. Up ahead, we could see the black gates of the entrance of the Chisaki estate.
Behind us, the ocean shimmered brightly under the light of the sun. Just looking at it brought me back to the moments when all I ever did was watch the movement of the sea. Wondering what the world beyond was like. I still hadn't fully gotten to experience that world. No, that opportunity was ripped from me by the people who should have endorsed it the most. And now I was back in order to confront them about it. Hopefully this meeting will lift the weight off of my shoulders enough for me to push forward and past this whole ordeal. Then I could start pursuing my own goal along with Kami in earnest.
Before we even arrived at the gate, the massive black doors swung wide open, and I could see two figures appear. One was a lady in a maid outfit who still looked as young as she did when we were kids. Mina. Before I knew it, Kami had broken out into a sprint, completely losing her composure and jumping straight into Mina's arms without hesitation.
"Mina!!!"
"Kami!"
The two hugged each other tightly and then began to whisper words to one another. I smiled at the moment that they shared, and when I turned around, I had already been overrun by the second figure. Blonde hair and a cross necklace hanging from her neck. It was Yuki. She wrapped her arm tightly around me, burying my face in her chest and rubbing her hand through my hair.
"Oh, Raiden. You don't understand how happy it makes me to see you good and well." Her voice sounded tired. And it was like she had been doing a lot of crying. I returned her hug, probably squeezing even tighter than she was squeezing me. I hadn't seen her in a long time, and I never really realized how much her presence calmed me. She was more of a parent figure to me than my father could ever hope to be.
"Yuki. How's it been?"
"Don't try to act all nonchalant, Raiden! When I came to visit the hospital, you were in such bad condition the doctor wasn't sure you were ever going to get up. When I got the news that you had finally woken up, I wanted to rush there myself! It's just things were so unbearably busy that I couldn't." She sounded like she truly regretted that, so I shook my head to let her know that it was okay.
"No, no. You don't have to worry about it. Just seeing you know, is enough for me." I squeezed her a little tighter, allowing her warmth and her scent to calm me even more. Long before she had reached out, and I had pushed her away as well. "I'm sorry. For making you worry so much. Even before the whole terrorist attack thing."
"No. I'm sorry. For not trying to do anything. For letting you fight against your father alone." I could feel her beginning to cry, her tears streaming down and landing on my face and clothes. I didn't want her to cry. I didn't want to let anyone close to me cry over me again.
I didn't want Yuki to risk her neck for me, even though I knew my father probably wouldn't do anything to her. She had become family, and she was very close family at that. Still, I was always too scared to involve anybody in the tedious relationship between me and my father. It was partly my fault for never calling out for help.
I reached out a finger and wiped her tears away, which made her look at me in shock. "Don't cry. Over me at the very least. I'm going to be strong now. I'm going to stop pushing people away. I made promises to Kami, and I'll make one to you. I'll never let myself be pushed down and crushed like that ever again. I'm going to keep my head high and keep pursuing my goal. The one I want. Not the one given to me."
I still had plans to protect Kami. I would never let hurt befall her. However, I wouldn't let it be the only thing I ever thought about. I wouldn't become a slave to it.
I really had to thank Ariel. Her plan to focus on one thing at a time, in this case emotional relief, really did work well.
Yuki, seeing the determination in my eyes, had a proud smile on her face as she hugged me tighter and ruffled my hair. "Atta boy. That's the Raiden I remember."
When she said that, I was reminded of the main reason why both I and Kami were here. I decided to ask Yuki something. "Yuki? Did you know that my dad had done that?" I asked a cryptic question because, in truth, I wasn't ready to hear the answer. What if Yuki did know? What if she had seen it all happening and didn't do anything? No, that wasn't possible; chances are, she tried, and something stopped her. That had to have been it.
That was the conclusion I had come to in order to preserve my own sanity.
Yuki analyzed my face for a long moment before finally saying,
"I had an idea. After everything was said and done, you had come back different. You talked less. You were less vibrant. You were only focused on your training and nothing more. No longer did you and Kami cause mischief around the house. But I thought it was all a result of your trauma and sadness of almost losing her. Anybody would be hesitant when something like that happened. However, I also knew that that whole occurrence was just too unnatural for that to just be the end of things. An intruder would never normally be able to breach the Chisaki estate in that way. It was unheard of. So for it to happen must have meant that there was some sort of third party at play. I didn't expect that it was the actual owner of the estate. I never thought Takeru could be the one responsible for it all. For organizing a hit on his daughter in order to break his son. I can't understand what goes on in that man's twisted head."
She clenched her fist, and I could see her body shaking in anger. "And then when he told me that he had also gone as far as wiping your own memories, I snapped at him. I yelled at him, unable to even fathom why he would do such a thing. None of it made sense."
That sounded just like Takeru. He made decisions that seemed crazy and made no move to even try to explain them to anybody else. He just let others live with the consequences of those actions. "Did he seem regretful? When did he tell you about that"? I remembered the pain in his voice at the very end of that memory. He had said he didn't want to do that. He had said that the only reason he was going through with it was to protect me from being killed. I shouldn't have trusted those words, but for some odd reason my mind clung to them, desperately wanting them to have any semblance of the truth. Despite everything he had done, I wanted to believe he had done it for a good reason. I wanted to believe that he had a hint of good in him, even if it was the twisted kind that you could only rationalize to yourself with equally twisted logic.
Yuki paused. "I don't know about regret. But I do know that he was convinced his actions were the only way forward. He had absolute, unwavering resolve in that."
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The atmosphere at the table was extremely tense. All of the servants had been sent off, only leaving 6 people at the table. Takeru Chisaki sat next to Sora Chisaki. They both stared at me and Kami, two different worlds of emotions in their eyes. Takeru had a cold, calculating expression on his face. It was the same one that he always had. A mask that he wore. Whether it be to hide his true emotions from others or to distance himself from all of the wrongs he did. Maybe it was even a bit of both.
On the other hand, Sora, our mother had an expression of pain, hurt, and regret on her face. It was clear, and there was no hiding it. She felt guilty. She felt shameful, and she felt like she had been caught. I could respect her for that. At least she had the strength to face her own feelings. Unlike the coward sitting next to her, who reserved to look them all away and let that be the end of it.
I and Kami sat on the opposite side of the table. We were sitting next to each other, each one drawing strength from the other. It was the fated moment in which we would both confront our parents. Despite how strongly and determinedly I'd talked on the way here, faced with the actual situation, I wanted to run away. It was only because Kami was here that I didn't.
And it was also because Yuki was here, placing a strong hand on my shoulder, that I didn't run away. I'm sure Kami felt the same way about Mina. I tightly clenched one of my hands in my lap, and the other tightly held Kami's hand. She squeezed back, and we flashed each other quick smiles.
I then turned and asked the first question. "Why? Why'd you do it?"
Takeru was the one to reply to me. "What an odd thing to ask. If you've recovered these lost memories, shouldn't you already know the answer to that?" He was fucking around off of the first question, and it made my blood boil. Did he have no intention to take this seriously? No, if he was going to do his very best to try and act unaware and uncaring, it was up to us to make him care.
"That's exactly why we're asking that." Kami said next. After I had explained everything to her, Ariel informed me the spell on her had also been lifted. I'm sure she was overwhelmed and scared, but now she was facing everything strongly. "You stated your reasons for doing it, but we don't understand why." What made you think that was the best course of action? What made you think that was the only way to fix everything?"
Kami's press of questions made Takeru shift, and I could tell he was starting to become uncomfortable, as if he didn't like thinking about what he did. That was a shame, because I was going to force him to think about it all day if I had to. "I simply weighed all of my options. Everything was culminating into a massive problem. Pressure was mounting, and I needed to do something about it".
"So hiring a hit man to hurt me and then shattering Raiden's mind was the right decision?" Kami's voice rose sharply, and our mom flinched backwards at the venom in her tone.
Takeru's facial expression looked a bit odd. As if he was only now realizing the twistedness of what he'd just done. "That- th-"
I hopped onto the wave of mounting pressure. "You keep talking about this pressure. The fact that the families were pressuring you into this. Pressuring you over what, though?"
I could see the tension in his body deflate at that question. It seemed like this one was easy for him to answer. "Raiden, as a child you were strong. Unbelievably strong. You were a prodigy on the level that no one had ever seen before. And that scared people. Being faced with a kid with so much potential. They were scared that you would grow out of control. It didn't help that at the same time, the Miyamoto family was on the brink of collapse. Many people believed the reason to be the birth of their own prodigious son, Shindo Miyamoto. He was so strong that the family shattered around him. All of those events, along with your strength, led the rest of the Chisaki family into pressuring me to make sure the same didn't happen with you."
Seeing my classmate's name mentioned in such a way made me freeze and my blood run cold. I knew Shindo suffered because of his strength, but I had never known it was to the extent that his family shattered around him. Even more horrifyingly, his situation was used as a reason to rationalize my own father's horrendous actions. I didn't know how to feel.
"And you thought the best method of that was—"
"To tame you. You were ambitious, Raiden. Carefree. Combined with your strength and your intelligence, that scared people. They were mounting up on me, so I knew the only way to make them stop, to prevent them from trying to hurt you themselves, was to make it look to them that you had been tamed. I had to kill your ambition with my own two arms." His hands were shaking ever so slightly.
And I was sitting staring at him in shock. Because his words made sense. They had a sort of cold logic to them that was undeniable. In fact, looking at it from an outside lens, I could only say that his thought process was good. It was logical. What Takeru was saying to me made sense, and that fact alone scared the shit out of me.
"So you chose to hurt Raiden?" Kami wasn't going for it, though. At least one of us was thinking straight. "Just because people were pushing you in one direction, you gave them all the ground and folded? You hurt your own son to get the favor of other people?" She sounded disgusted, and every word she threw out made Takeru flinch again and again. "Do you know how much Raiden suffered because of you? How much did he have to go through? You shattered him and then never let him recover and then forced him to follow a mission you created, all because of some pressure from others?" Tears were beginning to flow from Kami's eyes, and she was holding my hand tightly for support. Her words were powerful and purposeful despite how hurt she was. "Mom? You stood for this?"
Our mom flinched when her name was called, but she still looked up and gave me and Kami eye contact. "Your father. He had a misguided idea to protect you. He was someone who would stop at nothing to complete his goal, and in this case he took it too far. No, not just too far. He did something unforgivable. And so did I. I've been trying to turn a blind eye for so long. I didn't know if I could ever face either of you again. I couldn't live with the guilt, so I tried to forget about everything. You were so broken, Raiden. Looking at you all I could do was think about how bright and vibrant you used to be, and then I remembered everything that happened and how it was my fault it all went down like that. I should've done better. But I didn't know what to do. I was just as pathetic as Takeru."
And then she bowed her head down in front of us, to both of our shocks. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Please accept this unworthy apology of mine.
Her explanation made sense. Why she could never look at me the same again. Why did she always avoid eye contact and never truly speak to me, even though sometimes she did show care? It was because she felt so guilty about what had happened. I nodded my head. I could respect her for apologizing. For having the strength needed to lower herself and ask forgiveness. For having the strength to acknowledge what she did wrong.
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive either of you. Ever. I just, I felt so hurt and so betrayed. I didn't know what to do or what to think...." As I said that, my mother nodded, the hurt evident on her face.
Kami spoke after me. "The same goes for me. I couldn't believe anything I heard or saw. I desperately wanted it all to be a sort of bad dream, you know? I wanted it all to be a lie, and I wanted you guys to hold me tight and console me and ward away any of the bad things. But now I see it's not true. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm betrayed. But most of all, I feel disappointed. I don't know if I'll ever find the strength in me to forgive."
Our mom nodded once more. "I understand." And then she began to sob quietly. Takeru was silent. Staring at his hands in shock. As if he couldn't believe what was going on.
"Why? Even after all I did? It still ended up like this." He laughed dryly to himself. "Maybe she was right. I was destined to fail...."
I stared at my father, who sat and spoke to himself eccentrically. "Father." I called him father. I addressed him by that affectionate title instead of using the cold Takeru that I always did. I saw it. the way his eyes sparked up. The way his whole face lit up for one singular second. I confirmed my worries. The fact that he genuinely did it all out of love. He genuinely cared, and that's why he made those twisted decisions. I could see that, even if I could never understand it.
He stared at me, awaiting my question.
"Was I truly cursed? As an infant? Did that woman in black really curse me?"
Both my mom and dad froze. The air in the room shifted into that of tension and fear. As if the mention of her was like invoking a curse.
"You remembered that?" Mom asked in shock. I nodded.
I watched my father's reaction closely. So did Kami. So did Sora. So did Yuki, and so did Mina.
"Yes. She did curse you."
My hopes crashed down to the ground, and I felt the urge to collapse right then and there. I had been cursed. And Phi was right. Cursed to not be able to feel affection.
"Why?" I asked in pain. desperately hoping for an answer.
"I-. I don't know." He lied. I could tell he was lying. His mask had fallen way too much for him to hide any of his true feelings and intentions anymore. I could see through it all. But I didn't feel powerful or good. Just hurt. Hurt that even now, after everything, there were still things he wanted to hide from us.
I turned away from the table, leaving. Kami followed behind me.
"Raiden. Kami!" I stopped. I didn't turn around to face him, though.
"In a month's time, before the Seven Star kicks off, the 10 grand magic families are going to hold a massive event in order to decide the next heir. As you know, the 10 families will put forth their candidates to become the new head of the 10 grand magic families alliance."
I listened to him in silence. This must have been what Shindo had told Suijin about. The fact that the 10 grand magic families were planning something. So, this was what it was. An undoubtedly important and politically charged event.
Takeru continued. "During that event, we will unveil ourselves and our true names to the world. No longer will we use the fake name Chisaki. Kami will be attending the ball as a candidate. I trust that she will honor our family's name. I want you to accompany her. Protect her; make sure things go well. I trust you. I trust both of you."
After he finished speaking, I continued walking, not replying or looking back.
My heart felt like it was bleeding raw.