Game
Thoughts
"Talking"
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"So… he's the guy?" Naruto asked blandly, pointing up at Kokobiel as the ten-winged fallen floated menacingly in the sky. The man was wearing a long coat, had ten massive feathery wings stretching out behind him, extremely pointy ears, and an overall ugly face.
"That's him," Rias confirmed, nodding at his words. Behind the busty redhead was her peerage - Akeno, Asia, and Kiba - along with Shirone. Nearby was Sona and her peerage, every member looking worse for wear after holding off the powerful fallen angel for so long.
"He kinda looks like a crow," Naruto hummed, casually stretching out his arm as he readied himself to beat Kokobiel's ass.
"HAHAHAHA! We meet again, shitty fox!" Naruto frowned as Freed shouted at him, the maniac man standing below Kokobiel along with Valper.
"You again?" Naruto sighed at the sight, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Look, I don't wanna be mean, but you were really annoying last time. Can you not shout so much this time?"
"Me, not shouting?" Freed tilted his head, looking like he was considering it for a second, then started laughing manically again as he stuck out his tongue, "AS IF! I'LL SHOUT UP YOUR ASS AS I STAB MY EXCALIBUR INTO IT!"
"We're like, what, 20 feet away from each other? There was no reason to shout that," Naruto sighed again, "My ears are sensitive, y'know? I'm going to deal with you first."
"Hah… you dared to show your face, Youkai God?!" Kokobiel screamed down, the man laughing maniacally as he interrupted Naruto from kicking Freed's ass.
"Why are you only now saying that? I've been here for a couple of minutes already." Naruto asked dryly.
"HEY, DON'T IGNORE ME, SHITTY FOX! I'LL SHOVE MY SWORD RIGHT UP YOUR-" Freed started to shout again.
"We can't hear you," Naruto interrupted bluntly, staring directly at Freed.
Help me out just this once.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
20!
Check success!
Thank you. His shouting last time was annoying, but he's somehow even louder this time!
Freed continued shouting - or, trying to shout. His lips were moving, and his tongue was flailing wildly, but no sound came out of his mouth.
"Why's he doing that?" Sona asked quizzically, watching Freed mouth words but not make any sound.
It's because it's a persuasion check. He's not actually muted, but everyone thinks he is, so he's not making any noise.
"He's quite strange, President. This shouldn't surprise you," Sona's queen, Tsubaki, supplied helpfully.
"You only made my job easier! If killing the sisters of two Maou's wasn't enough to restart the Great War, then killing the Youkai God most certainly will be!" Kokobiel continued, completely ignoring Naruto and Freed's exchange as he finished his monologue.
"Why do they always do this?" Naruto deadpanned, glancing back at Rias.
"I'm not sure," Rias frowned, "Maybe he's just stupid?"
"Definitely stupid," Naruto nodded in agreement.
"Super stupid!" Shirone shouted supportively, waving a small flag with Naruto's face on it in support. Next to her, Asia was also shyly waving a flag of her own while blushing.
"Y-You know I can hear you, right, Youkai God?!" Kokobiel shouted down again, glaring openly at Naruto, "Who the hell are you calling stupid?"
"You, stupid," Naruto deadpanned, "I'm usually a pretty nice guy, but I gotta say it how I see it. You're definitely stupid."
"W-Why do you say that?" Kokobiel asked, stuttering slightly as he frowned, seemingly actually offended by Naruto's words.
"You just went on a monologue about how you're going to kill me," Naruto replied as if that explained everything.
"...My monologue was the problem? I spent all last night rehearsing it…" Kokobiel muttered, his frown becoming deeper, "Do you know how long it took to create a version for every possible outcome? I had to have one for if you showed up, one for if Serafall came, one for if Sirzechs tried to save them… what was wrong with it?"
"No, no, it wasn't what was in the monologue itself that was the issue," Naruto tried to clarify, "It was you monologing to begin with."
"What? But every great war starts with a dramatic monologue!" Kokobiel shot back, the man still frowning.
"No, it's what dumbass guys like you do," Naruto sighed, "Like, honestly? I've heard enough evil monologues at this point to know where this is going. You're going to get your ass beat, and then I'm going to have to remember your monologue and cringe."
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Naruto blinked as the message appeared in his vision.
"Ah, so you agree?" Kokobiel nodded sagely, his frown turning into a grin, "Getting off a good monologue right before I beat your ass! There is nothing more epic!"
"N-No, it's lame," Naruto tried again, "Super lame."
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
"Yes! It is indeed super awesome!" Kokobiel agreed excitedly, "You are as wise as they say, Youkai God. It's a shame I must kill you - we could've been great friends!"
"No, we couldn't have been," Naruto deadpanned again.
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Kokobiel's eyes went wide, the man stopping as his body froze completely.
Damn it, what the hell is he thinking?!
Unbeknownst to Naruto, an entire lifetime flashed through Kokobiel's head. A lifetime where instead of having to fight Naruto, he instead befriended him.
"It's… so beautiful…" Kokobiel muttered, a silent tear forming in his eyes. He could see it all.
He and Naruto fighting side by side - delving deep into the horrors of war. Killing devils, fallen, youkai - all variations of creatures indiscriminately.
"My… best friend…" Kokobiel muttered again, more tears forming in his eyes. He could see it vividly - the image of Naruto standing atop a pile of corpses. The way he turned, locking eyes with Kokobiel as he stood atop a similar pile. He grinned, his smile lighting up the world as he silently gave him a thumbs up.
"What the hell are you thinking?" Naruto shouted up dryly, watching as Kokobiel tearfully stared off into the sky. As he watched Kokobiel start crying openly, Naruto couldn't help but sigh.
I really don't want to know what he's thinking about.
"Should I start monologuing, Naruto-chan?" Rias asked cutely from behind him, tilting her head at him as she pulled his thoughts away from whatever stupidity Kokobiel had going through his head.
"No," Naruto replied firmly, not needing to say more.
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added [ERROR]
Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God's Luck] Perk!
1!
Check failed!
Fuck.
"Akeno, help me think of an epic monologue!" Rias ordered, holding up her finger and nodding sagely. Akeno merely giggled in response.
"Whatever," Naruto sighed, looking back up at Kokobiel, "Monologue aside, the real reason you're stupid is because you said you're going to kill me. I'm kind of getting fed up with this stuff."
"Huh?" Kokobiel tilted his head at Naruto curiously, shaking his head rapidly as he stopped crying, "What is wrong with what I said? I will be killing you… my best friend… no! I will be killing you, the Youkai God, along with the heiresses, to restart the Great War!"
"What's wrong with it is that you said you're going to kill me," Naruto deadpanned again, "I'm the Youkai God, but it really doesn't feel like it. After everything I've done, just by seeing me you should be all like 'oh no, he's gonna beat my ass! I'll stop trying to murder his wife!'"
Kokobiel frowned at his words, "I didn't know you were so arrogant, Naruto-chan. We've known each other for so long, and yet I've never seen this side of you."
"We're not friends," Naruto deadpanned again, "You need to learn to decipher reality from whatever story you made up in your head."
"R-Right," Kokobiel nodded, a single tear forming in his eyes at Naruto's words, "We're not friends… that's what could've been… what could've been the strongest friendship in the history of friendships… but instead I must kill you, my friend…"
"You really gotta stop with this," Naruto shot back blandly, "It's starting to get creepy."
"S-Shut up, and stop being so arrogant, Naruto-ch, ah, ahem, Youkai God!" Kokobiel shouted dramatically.
"I'm usually not, but this is getting annoying," Naruto sighed, "I beat Zekram Bael, I made a literal dragon into a familiar, I beat the shit out of Riser Phenex in front of millions of people, and I have an entire manga dick-sucking me for being so powerful. Do these things mean nothing to you? Why are people still trying to mess with me?"
Naruto blinked as he registered his own words, glancing back at Rias, "Wait, where's Tiamat? Why doesn't she just deal with him?"
"Oh! She said she can't help me with stuff like this because 'it'd be boring if she solved all the problems in the story and Naruto-chan would have no screen time'!" Rias nodded sagely.
"The hell does that mean?"
Naruto blinked as he suddenly had to tilt his head to the side, a sharp blade piercing through the air next to him.
A sneak attack?! I've never seen anyone in this world fight like this! This new fighter must be a genius-
Naruto abruptly cut off his thoughts as he looked at his attacker. It was Freed, the man still ranting soundlessly as he swung his sword wildly at Naruto.
I should've known. The only way someone is smart enough to do a sneak attack is when I force them to.
"Fine, I'm about to beat your ass anyway, so I guess I'll fix it," Naruto sighed, tilting his head out of the way of another slash, "We can hear you now."
I kind of hope this doesn't work.
Never having to hear the insane man rant wouldn't be a net negative on Naruto's life.
Persuasion Check
[Rolling…]
[God's Luck] has added +20 to your roll!
20!
Check success!
I'm not surprised.
"-OU MIGHT'VE DEFEATED ALL THE EXCLAIBURS INDIVIDUALLY," Freed continued, sound coming out of his mouth as he screamed loudly while his tongue lashed out into the air, "BUT BY COMBINING THEM, OLD MAN VALPER SAID THEY'RE SUPER STRONG NOW, AND YOUR ASSHOLE IS GOING TO BE CUT INTO A MILLION PIECES!"
"Please stop talking about my ass," Naruto sighed, casually dodging another swing of the large glowing sword in Freed's hands.
"You do have a nice ass," Rias nodded appreciatively from behind him.
"Not the time," Naruto deadpanned.
"While that's not how I would've phrased it, Freed, you are correct," Valper chuckled, watching the battle with amusement in his eyes, "By combining the Excalibur fragments, Freed can now harness a portion of the original Excalibur's power. The increase is not linear - no, instead of gaining the strength of each Excalibur, their power has been multiplied! Even you do not stand a chance against someone wielding a sword comparable to the original Excalibur, Youkai God!"
"This is what I'm talking about," Naruto sighed again, raising his hand as Freed swung the Excalibur at him again, "Why does everyone keep doubting me?"
He casually tensed his fingers, a light red glow surrounding them. Then, as the sword hurtled towards his hand, he flicked one finger out. It slammed into the blade of the Excalibur, a loud ring echoing out into the courtyard as the blade was stopped in its place momentarily.
"W-What…" Freed muttered, his eyes wide as he finally stopped shouting. A second later, a small crack formed in the sword. Then another. And another. Slowly, a spiderweb of cracks flew up the blade.
Then, finally, the blade fell apart. It burst into pieces, shards flying outwards as the impact shattered the Excalibur into pieces.
"How'd that happen?" Naruto muttered casually - not at the sword breaking, but at the shards flying outwards. Somehow, the tiny pieces of blade were now suddenly in the shape of the five Excalibur fragments.
"Y-You…" Valper stuttered, the man's eyes wide in shock as he stared at the newly formed Excalibur fragments, "H-How… the blade… a portion… of the original… with… finger?"
"That was almost a coherent sentence," Naruto deadpanned. In response, Valper merely fell to his knees.
"Hah! As expected of you, Youkai God!" Kokobiel started to laugh above, the fallen's eyes wide in excitement, "You're getting my blood boiling, Youkai God! This excitement! This adrenaline! I haven't felt this since the Great War!"
"...Don't look at me that way," Naruto said dryly, watching as Kokobiel started licking his lips, the man rubbing his thighs together as he looked at Naruto like a piece of meat.
"I can't wait any longer, Youkai God! Let's set this world alight with our passion!" Kokobiel screamed, and a massive spear of light appeared in his hand. He swung his arm out, sending the nearly 20-foot-long spear of pure destruction down at Naruto.
"Don't say it like that either," Naruto deadpanned, casually raising his fist. It became colored in a red aura, and then he swung it into the spear, breaking it into pieces instantly.
"Besides, I have to finish dealing with this first," Naruto hummed, gesturing to Freed and Valper, "Wait your tur- oh, wait…"
Naruto hummed, looking at the broken pieces of the Excalibur. Then, he grinned, looking over at Kiba, "You handle these two, Kiba."
His decision was instantly made worth it as Rias looked at him appreciatively.
I'm a good husband.
"HAH! THE STUPID DEVIL BOY WANTS TO FIGHT ME AGAIN?" Freed shouted, his voice yelling out loudly again as he reached down and grabbed an Excalibur fragment, "I STILL HAVE FIVE EXCALIBURS, SHITTY DEVIL BOY! I'LL SHOVE THEM ALL UP YOUR AS-"
Right, I shouldn't actually leave the insane guy with five Excaliburs for Kiba to handle on his own.
"Shirone?" Naruto called out casually, causing the white-haired catgirl to tilt her head at him curiously, "You know that thing that Kuroka keeps telling you to do to me in my bedroom? Go do that to him."
"Ok!" Shirone nodded easily, and a split second later the small girl launched herself at Freed.
"HAH! WHAT IS THIS SHITTY LITTLE DEVIL GIRL GOING TO DO AGAINST MY FIVE EXCALIBUR-" Freed was cut off as he suddenly let out a gasp, unprepared for Shirone's assault. Shirone had launched herself at full speed, her small foot slamming upwards as she kicked Freed cleanly in his balls.
"Damn," Naruto muttered, watching Freed as he dropped his Excaliburs. He fell to his knees, gasping as he clutched at his crotch in pain, "Yeah, definitely not letting Kuroka convince me to do that."
Don't ask him why Kuroka wanted to turn Shirone into a 'sexy petite ball-busting dominatrix' - her words, not his. He didn't know why, and he didn't want to know why.
"Alright, now you can handle them, Kiba," Naruto nodded, turning his attention back to Kokobiel, who laughing even more manically in the sky. He held his hands up dramatically, and suddenly dozens upon dozens of giant light spears appeared around him - all angled down toward Naruto.
"Yes! Our battle will now begin, Youkai God!" Kokobiel screamed, the man's eyes literally glowing as a huge smile was on his face, "Our battle will go down in history! The greatest battle since the Great War, and the one to reignite the Great War! Don't die too quick, Youkai God! I want to savor this!"
As he finished speaking, the fallen angel slammed his hands downwards, sending the near-hundred giant light spears down at Naruto.
"There's a lot of them," Naruto hummed, raising his hands in front of him. One hand sign later, and a collection of shadow clones poofed into existence around him.
"Protect them!" Naruto ordered, tensing his legs as he stared up at Kokobiel.
His shadow clones didn't need any more explanation - they were him, after all - and jumped into action. They burst forward, grabbing all the devils standing behind him who would be caught in the blast.
"HAHAHAHA! As expected of you, Youkai God! You even managed to protect those devil bitches!" Kokobiel screamed, his language turning vulgar as he started practically salivating, his excitement for the battle at an all-time high.
I was just going to kick his ass, but now that he called my wife and my friends 'bitches'...
Naruto shot upwards in the air, his body seemingly disappearing in front of Kokobiel's eyes as he appeared behind him. Underneath him, loud explosions rang out as craters formed in the courtyard - the world shaking from Kokobiel's attack.
Forgive me Kakashi, but I actually don't feel bad this time.
"Where did you go, Youkai God?!" Kokobiel screamed, glancing around the courtyard wildly, "Do you think you can hide from me?! Don't ruin this glorious battle, or I will give you a fate worse than dea-"
"That's my line," Naruto spoke, causing Kokobiel's entire body to stiffen and freeze as he was suddenly behind him. For a second, the world seemed to freeze. Kokobiel didn't know why, but that second felt like a life. His entire life started to flash in front of his eyes.
His fall from heaven. His countless battles in the Great War. The countless lives he had taken. The boring life he was forced to live after the war. The way his desire for battle never faded. How he attacked Kuoh to restart the Great War. And then, finally, his unmatched excitement as he stared down the Youkai God.
But, that was where it ended. His long, action-filled battle didn't fill his head. The greatest battle of his life, where he and the Youkai God went toe-to-toe in a fight of passion. The battle that destroyed Kuoh, along with the two heiresses from the pure destruction it caused.
"It… didn't happen…" Kokobiel muttered, the words flowing out unintentionally. He hadn't meant to speak, but the words had just formed on his lips.
Kokobiels greatest battle, which he believed would start the greatest war in all of history, ended in just one blow.
"One Thousand Years of Death," Naruto whispered solemnly, not feeling guilt as he resigned Kokobiel to his fate.
"GAHHH-"
In an instant, Kokobiel, a ten-winged Cadre-ranked fallen angel, was lying in a crater. His face was slammed into the dirt, his butt poking into the air as he was unconscious.
"Damn, I don't think I've ever seen anyone faint from the pain," Naruto muttered, landing next to Kokobiel's limp body.
"He defeated him… in one attack?" Sona whispered in awe, staring at what was left of Kokobiel.
"So… what do we do with him?" Naruto asked casually, gesturing to Kokobiel's twitching body on the ground.
"Ahem… f-first, can you put me down?" Sona answered, the woman's face beet red. Naruto blinked, looking over at her as she was being held bridal-style by one of his shadow clones.
"N-Not yet!" The courtyard went deathly silent, everyone looking over at Tsubaki as she stuttered it out, her face flushed.
"I-I mean… just so… um… in case he wakes up?" The normally composed woman stuttered out, not meeting anyone's eyes.
"I don't mind!" One of Sona's peerage members, Momo, agreed as she pushed herself deeper into clone-Naruto's chest.
"Fufu, I don't mind either, but your hand should be a bit lower…" Akeno chimed in, shifting her body in the shadow clone's arms so that his hand was holding her up by her large ass instead of her legs.
"N-No! He's my husband!" Rias shouted, scrambling out of the shadow clone's arms and standing back up.
"Fufu, you sound jealous, Rias," Akeno continued to tease.
"I-If you want him to hold you, then you marry him!" Rias huffed, her face red as she glared at Akeno.
"Is that an offer?"
"N-No! Get rid of the clones, Naruto-chan!" Rias ordered, puffing out her cheeks at him. He chuckled in response, and the shadow clones placed all the women back on their feet before they poofed out of existence.
"N-Now, we should restrain Kokobiel, and then contact the leader of Grigori on what to do with him," Sona explained, pushing up her glasses as she regained her composure, "Please restrain him, Youkai-sama. I will go contact the Grigori general."
"No, you won't," Naruto chimed in, causing Sona to look at him questioningly, "You can't leave yet. I need to take some pictures."
"Pictures?" Sona asked confusedly.
"Remember the whole 'shaking my ass in a small bikini' thing you said?" Naruto explained dryly, "Well, the only way I convinced Serafall not to come is by promising to bring her pictures."
"P-Pictures?" Sona muttered, her face flushing red again as her eyes widened in horror.
"Yup," Naruto smirked, "Rias?"
"Yes?"
"Help her change."
"On it, Naruto-chan!" Rias cheered, wrapping her arms around Sona and starting to drag her toward the Occult Research Club's clubroom.
"W-Wait! R-Rias!" Sona shouted, panicking as Rias dragged her away ominously, "T-Tsubaki! Help me!"
"Sorry, President," Tsubaki answered, the girl nodding solemnly at her, "But I don't want to argue with Youkai-sama. Please have a good photo shoot."
"Tsubakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-" Sona's scream trailed off as Rias shut the door behind her.
"She mentioned us too, Shirone. We should join them," Akeno said mischievously, and Shirone nodded.
"Yay! Photoshoot! Woo!" Shirone cheered, following behind Akeno as they walked over to the clubhouse, "Why are you walking funny?"
"I'm not sure what you mean," Akeno giggled, her hips swaying purposefully. She winked over her shoulder at Naruto as they walked through the door.
Naruto watched the two women as they disappeared into the clubhouse, and then turned back to Kokobiel's downed body.
I beat this guy with one technique, and I'll get to watch four sexy women in bikinis in return?
Naruto nodded sagely.
This world isn't so bad after all. I'll just leave him here while Tsubaki calls Azazel.
"C-Can I join as well?" Naruto blinked, glancing over at Tsubaki, whose face was beet-red.
…
…
…
Meh, it'll be fine.
"...Sure, I guess?"
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Naruto Uzumaki:
[Youkai God]
Lvl: 505
STR: 762
DEX: 725
CON: 540
INT: 215
WIS: 750
CHA: 999
LUK: 0
Skills: [Chess Mastery]
Perks: [Martial Arts], [You're a Wizard, Naruto], [Ladies Man], [God's Luck]
Debuffs: [Confusion], [Bad Timing]
Naruto Uzumaki is a Hero from another world, who has been reborn with the power of the Gamer system!
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AN: The hiatus is over! It was a bit longer than I thought it'd be, but it's back now! It'll be updated 2-3 times a week!
You can also read 10 chapters ahead on Patreon.com/Koyon !