Teddy and Felix walk through a portal and back through the office hallways.
Their footsteps silent and haunted as the sounds of screams, and the faces of horror bounces in their minds.
Felix speaks up, "First time I've ever seen an ArchDemon cry."
"Didn't think the Gate would fall on him." Teddy remarks.
"You know, he's going to try to kill you now."
Teddy sighs, "I didn't know Archdemon testicles were more sensitive."
"They weren't, at least before Asmodeus grabs a hold of them."
"Asmodeus sounds like a fun guy."
"Guy, isn't a good word for it."
"Why?"
"You'll know once you meet Asmodeus." Felix sighed, "For now though, we should probably report back to Val before she's—"
"She's what? Felix?" Val asks behind them.
"Before her beauty overwhelms me and I am enamored with her blossoming dignity."
"I'll allow it." Val nods at him as she turns to Teddy, "Have you taught him how to make an after mission report?"
"A what now?" Then he sees Felix nod furiously behind her, "Oh yup, yeah of course. I did. We spent like an entire day just talking about it. Ha—ha."
Val rubs her forehead, "What were you idiots doing?"
"He was just showing me around the office." Felix cuts in between them.
Val pushes his face away and glowers at Teddy who with the increasing pressure breaks. "I went to AFTERLIFE and got a permit for Tom, Felix was with me so that I wouldn't get lost and die from the ensuing riot."
Val nods, "Ok, get back to work." She pauses mid-step, "Also, give me Tom."
Teddy hands the black hole back to her as it revolves around her like an excited puppy. "Give me his paperwork."
Teddy hands it to her. "The clerk said, I should give it to Mawmaw."
She peruses the documents, "Yeah sure, if you want it done in the next twenty years" She sees something and raises an eyebrow, "Felix is the father?"
Felix blinks, "I'm the father?"
Val nods, "And looks like Teddy's the mother."
The two of them stare back at the said mother.
Who fiddles with his fingers, "I was being pressured, there was Mammon, the clerk was so slow and there were so many things happening. And the form asked for a mother and father. I just thought since I made him, I'll be the mother."
Val pat Felix on the back as she enters the office, "Congratulations on becoming a dad."
Felix groans as he follows her in, "Oh well, there goes 20% of my wage."
The three of them enter the office, back to the smells of toner and sounds of typing. Mawmaw looks back up, "You have found Teddy."
"Hey, Mawmaw." Teddy waves.
"Yup, I got myself choked though. Pretty rough." Felix grins before he was pulled back by the ear, "Aw aw aw, what?"
"You met Shammurath?" Val asks, Tom in hand.
"Uh, did Tom tell you?"
"Yes, now what did he tell you?"
"Something about how we're not getting a warrant."
"Shit. I thought as much." Val groans as she throws him back into a chair. "I need you to finish that after–mission report. Today."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, you're coming with me tomorrow to meet with those lunatics at L.I.F.E. so we can actually get a case going for the bastard. Or at least put his name on the registry before he does something…tricky."
"Ok, got it." Felix nods, his face serious. "Wait… do I—"
"You have to put everything between the haunted house, the taken souls, the portal from Aggorath and his latest incident. This is your first paperwork. If you need anything just ask Teddy." Val turns away, Tom dancing between her fingertips.
"So that's why I came to you." Felix nods sagely.
Teddy pushes up his glasses and narrows his eyes as he sits on his side of the office. "Val told you to come to me? That's weird."
"Why weir—nevermind. If I ask, this might turn into a thing again."
"What thing?"
"Our thing—just don't ask."
"We have a thing? Nice."
Felix grabs his face, "Just help me."
Teddy nods excitedly, "Got it."
A huge book of documents then fell off the ceiling, slapping him in the face.
Teddy's glasses glint under the office light. "Now, this is a very important document."
He picks it up from Felix, who looks around, concussed. "This is one of the oldest documents here in the office, the copy of every mandated format for the proper documentation and guidelines, you follow this and no one can touch you."
"You make it sound like some auditor is gonna kill me, if I mess up."
"Yes," Teddy nods, his eyes darkening. "That's what L.I.F.E. is."
Felix swallows thickly as Teddy hands it to him, "Just try and follow everything in this template, answer it as honestly as you can—I'll help with revision." The book screams the moment it made contact with his hand. "Also, try not to kill it. I know it'll be hard but it is just a book."
Felix recoils as a tongue lashes out. "Uh… do you have a digital template?"
Teddy pauses. "Oh yeah, forgot about that."
"Can I have it?" Felix pulls the book away as a maw appears on its cover.
He pulls out a usb with a grin, "Made it myself."
"Ok," He lowers the book down and runs, before pausing. "File name."
"The Chosen One."
"Password?"
"TheChosen1"
"That's…" Felix shakes it off and walks back to his desk.
Felix sits and stares at his computer, the soft hum and the silence of typing suddenly rushing back to him. And like a dam about to burst, he heaves out a sigh of relief. His second day, and his first report. He stretches, he waves his hand as a coffee cup appears on his hand. Ok, this is it.
No screaming, No Gods, No Eldritch nonsense.
He summons his earphones and sips his coffee.
It's him, a keyboard and a report.
He clicks the first word, then the next.
Before he knew it, he had finished the report in an hour.
Teddy looks at the report, then back at Felix, then back at the report. "Why did you send me this fucking garbage?"
"Eh?" Felix stands, agape at the thought.
Teddy coughs, "Sorry, I always get heated about this stuff. But seriously why did you send me this fucking garbage? Look at the fucking font, is that Time New Roman? What are you? A bitch? I gave you a template to follow dammit."
He flipped through the document again, "And this!? What the fuck is this? Did you teleport into the fucking house? Did you walk? Stroll? Sprint? Or did you just kickflip into reality? Fucking details!? Hello!?" He slams the report into and stomps on it, "Next time, you give me a report, try and actually put some thought into it!"
Val comes up behind them, coughing. "Uh… Teddy, here's the permit you neded."
"What the fuck is this? Is this Legal Size? Bitch did you learn nothing?"
Val nods eagerly, "Yes, I'm sorry, right away!"
Felix looks at him then back at Val and swallows thickly, "Yup… wait I mean yessir."
He runs, tail between his legs. Runs directly to the chair besides Val. "What the fuck was that? Did Teddy get possessed by a paperwork demon?"
Val straightens her back, "More or less? He's like this when it comes to paperwork. Apparently, you don't become the summa cum laude of the Ivy Wizard League by being a bitch in paperwork. I'd advise you to just follow everything he says."
"Shit, is Teddy a paperwork demon again?" Eris appears behind them, spawning from their shadows, chewing on a heart. "Just when I had to make one."
She pushes Felix off her chair, "You're on my chair."
"Uh… is that a heart?"
"Oh this…" She waves it around. "What do you think?"
Felix dodges. "That I shouldn't ask?"
Eris pats him. "Good boy."
"Uh… thanks?"
Val flicks her forehead, "Throw that away and both of you start writing your report. The more of us that have it checked, the more divided his anger is."
"Ok, ok." Eris sits back down and Felix runs back to his desk.
Felix heaves out another sigh, even the paperwork here is deadly.
After such everything became a blur.
"What do you mean you don't know the girl's name? She got possessed?"
"What kind of house was this? The decoration? Baroque? Classical? Details!"
"Oh by all means! Why don't you just make it all in Bold font!"
"What do you mean you don't know what kind of black hole Tom is?"
"What the fuck is this? Why isn't my name in this? I was there wasn't I?"
Felix feels like he's about to die as he sits beside the printer, Mawmaw straightens the documents before she inserts in another batch of paper.
Eris throws him a water as Val screws in a bolt in her wrist.
"Is your wrist good? I saw it explode a bit there."
"It happens when she uses her cyborg powers." Eris bites into a heart.
Mawmaw deadpans, "Teddy has become an avatar of Aryzo Chavel."
"I'm assuming that's some rage monster." Felix rubs his wrist, "My wrists feels like falling off."
"Is it?" Teddy's voice cuts through the room like a knife dipped in sugar.
The four of them jolt upright as he enters—box of donuts in hand, smiling like he hadn't just committed war crimes via Word doc.
He passes the box of donuts. "As an apology from before."
Eris throws the heart back into the shadow, "Is this from?"
"Like always, Hestia's"
"Nice." Eris takes one.
Val takes another, "Thanks."
Felix shrugs, "I've seen worse."
Mawmaw takes a donut and a piece of the box. "Thank you, human."
Solomon appears out of thin air, taking a donut. "So, who's ready to go to L.I.F.E.?"