Wrapped tightly in a blanket thick enough to pass for a second skin, Ram stood to the side of the dining table, her eyes narrowed in silent fury. That venomous glare—sharp enough to strip paint—was aimed squarely at Puck, the feline culprit behind her suffering. Around the massive table, the rest of the mansion's residents sat, recovering from the morning frostbite.
"Hatsumaki? What's a Hatsumaki? Don't you mean Hatsujouki?" Subaru asked, eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm not an animal, so I don't have a mating season. What a rude thing to say~nya!" Puck licked his fur like an animal.
Your acting like one though, The argument isn't holding up. Kaeya thought dryly.
"Your answer troubles me, in more ways than one... " Subaru looked at the cat with an unconvinced stare.
"It's a phenomenon that only affects a few beings, those possessing potent magical energy. A person's magic power highly depends on their Od's attributes. In that sense, its output is very restricted." Rem explained from her lord's side.
"Od... Is it something different than mana and gates?"
Ram glared at Subaru as she tightly hugged her blanket while shivering in place. "Not knowing what an Od is... I'm really starting to doubt your common sense. You've reached unprecedented heights of shallowness and impudence, Barusu."
"Nee-sama is even harsher than usual today. Is cold weather your weak point?" Subaru looked at Ram with a concerned expression.
"Strong and weak points are purely subjective things, I don't look at life from such a narrow-minded point of view. Don't spout such nonsense. Go kill yourself please."
She's too cruel for no reason. Kaeya thought.
In his old world, he avoided these kind of people all together, They just start beef with others for no reason and he used to give them an internal fuck you, and then leave.
"That last part was unnecessarily cruel though?!"
Beatrice sighed, as if tired of everyone's collective IQ. "This conversation isn't going anywhere, I suppose… So I'll explain."
"Od is the vessel of magical power, a device that stocks the magical energy extracted from the gate, I suppose."
"Oh, oh, a vessel that stocks magical energy... Go ahead, please continue." Subaru smiled and nodded his head.
"Your way of speaking irritates me," Beatrice growled and continued in disgruntlement.
"Anyway, an excellent Od can deal with a considerable amount of magical energy, I suppose. However, any vessel has a limit."
"Once that limit is reached, the Od will be over with maaagical energy. Before that happens it's necessary to let it out." Roswaal continued the explanation.
I wonder if i would experience that some time in the future, Kaeya thought. One of the early topics he had learned about in the library were mostly related to magic so he knew enough about Hatsumaki already.
"To let it out before your stomach explodes... " As Subaru worded out his conclusion, Beatrice began sipping from her tea.
"So basically, just like constipation." Subaru concluded.
Kaeya nearly choked on his drink. A strangled sound escaped his mouth before he could suppress it.
The room turned toward him.
"…Sorry," Kaeya muttered, clearing his throat. "Caught me off-guard."
This is embarrassing, fuck you, me!
"Heh, I knew it," Subaru said with a smug grin, crossing his arms proudly. "I'm a funny guy after all!"
But Kaeya wasn't the only one who reacted—Beatrice, sitting primly as always, suddenly did a very un-princesslike spit take. With a glare sharp enough to pierce armor, she slammed her tiny hands on the table and pointed at Subaru, appalled.
"Choose your words more carefully, I suppose!"
But faced with the noble fury of the great spirit-sama herself, Subaru simply… turned away.
"Anyway!" he said, now facing Roswaal with the elegance of a duck avoiding a storm. "So basically, Puck letting out his magic gas is what's turning the mansion into a freezer?"
"Yes, that's right," Emilia said softly, bowing her head in apology. "I'm sorry for hiding it…"
"What a troublesome constipation relief method," Subaru muttered, brow twitching. "Is this a regular thing?"
"Hmm. Once per year I'd say. When I was living in the forest with Lia, I moderately relieved myself, but ever since coming here, I've been behaving myself, I guess this was its recoil. Teehee!"
"Teehee my ass!"
"If letting out your magical energy is necessary, then I won't complain," Subaru said, glancing around the ice-coated room. "But why the sudden blizzard over the last three days?
"I was doing it slowly at first, but I had more mana piled up than usual, and no one was complaining about it getting colder, 'Huh, can I go wilder?' Alright, I'll give it a shot! 'Everyone is surprisingly gullible.' And that's how it went." Puck shrugged his shoulders with a smile.
"What sloppy work!"
"For a great spirit of Bubby's level, even releasing all that energy barely scratches the surface, I suppose." Beatrice sniffled, her voice wobbling ever so slightly. "And out of respect for Bubby's fur, stop petting it so impudently, I supp—sniff!"
"You too have a runny nose! More importantly, you made that barrier to confine the cold weather because you were afraid of being discovered, right? Answer me honestly." Subaru tapped his table and demanded from the sniffling girl.
"I-I have no idea what you're talking about," Beatrice muttered, turning away and blowing her nose as delicately as possible.
The silence that filled the room after was broken by a very nervous Emilia.
"Y-You see, Puck and I are reeeally sorry about this... But... Puck's Hatsumaki should be over soon... isn't that right, Puck?"
"Yeah. If you let me do it at this pace, it should be over in 2 more days."
Kaeya resisted the urge to facepalm.
"If we let you do it at this pace, you'll have to deal with my and Ram's frozen corpses by tomorrow morning."
Subaru then turned to the guilty-looking elf girl. "By the way Emilia-tan, aren't you cold, dressed like this? I want to see Emilia-tan in her winter clothes!"
Kaeya didn't even bother hiding the dry look on his face. Fukin simp!
If Subaru noticed, he pretended not to. The boy wore his confidence like armor—or maybe like a disguise.
He's sure is down bad for her.
"You know that I have a contract with Puck, right? W-Well, thanks to Puck's magic, my body temperature is kept in check... Which is why, even in this cold... Yes... I'm fine." Emilia looked down and closed her eyes in guilt.
Subaru looked at Puck with a pleading expression. "Don't you feel bad for causing your daughter his much trouble? Let's find another way."
Hearing that, even Kaeya started to brainstorm for some ideas. The easiest one was to simply live outside the barrier beatrice created, Atleast till Puck's Hatsumaki was over. Probably at the village, Or maybe they could go and visit the capital again, The mansion was getting pretty boring now anyways.
And suddenly, the butler boy stood up in alarm. "Oh! That's it!"
"We don't have to stay inside the mansion! While Beako confines the cold within her barrier, we just have to spend our time outside the mansion."
Kaeya gave a slight nod agreeing to the idea.
"That's Subaru-kun for you! Rem is impressed!"
.
.
"Right now, the weather outside is neither cold nor hot-"
The front doors swung open.
Thunder rolled.
A wall of torrential rain greeted them.
Kaeya stared at the sheets of water pouring from the sky, his brows twitching ever so slightly.
"This rain won't let up anytime soon, I suppose," Beatrice mumbled behind them, arms folded.
"Why?!" Subaru cried out, face twisted in betrayal.
"I guess camping outside is a no-go... " Emilia said in disappointment.
"Wait! If we use a tent—"
"Suuuubaru-kun," came Roswall's voice from behind him, "were you planning to let me, the mansion's master, sleep outsiiiiide?"
Just stay inside alone. Or with Ram—though she was hardly helpful in her current state. Rem would undoubtedly trail after Subaru, so… yes, You should hire more workers, three aren't enough for a mansion this big!
Kaeya was still mind boggled by the fact that this mansion only had two workers before Subaru came along. That was too less!
"Th-Then, can't you do something about it with your magic? Something like… a fireball you fire at Puck, and then bam! The cold gets evened out!" Subaru asked, eyes gleaming with reckless hope.
"You'd risk vaporizing the mansion," Kaeya mumbled.
"If my hand were to slip even a little bit..... Yes the mansion would be engulfed by a sea of flames..." Roswall replied.
Subaru turned toward Kaeya with sudden desperation, hands clasped dramatically as if in prayer. "What about you? You can surely do it, right? Please say yes!"
Kaeya was caught off guard by the sudden question. He had been enjoying the rare comfort of being a passive observer. That luxury, evidently, was short-lived.
"No, I can't," he said.
Though now that i think about it.. He could try using his ability to nullify the excess mana Puck was leaking into the environment. In theory, it might work. But spirits were composed entirely of mana… and there was a chance that he could end up erasing Puck entirely.
That would be bad, Too bad!
Yep. I can't do it, he silently decided, sealing the idea in the mental trash bin.
"Dammit! What's with this above there's raging water, below, there's raging fire kind of situation... "
Then, suddenly...
"Oh! Got it! Above, there's raging water, below, there's raging fire!"
Emilia looked at the screaming Subaru in bewilderment.
"What do you mean?"
"It's a famous riddle in my homeland," Subaru said, pointing at the ceiling as if inspiration had descended from the heavens. "The answer is… the bath! Which means, to overcome this freezing cold…"
"To overcome it...?" Emilia asked in determination.
"We'll use all the mansion's fire stones to heat up the large public bath! And then, for two days straight, we carry on with—Operation Hot Springs! What do you think?!"
Kaeya stood completely still, expression unreadable. The idea wasn't terrible.
But the moment the words public bath left Subaru's mouth, his mood soured.
There's no way I'm bathing with anyone else. Absolutely not happening! he told himself, Wait...Now that he thought about it, He wasn't even a part of this to begin with! Its not like he was the one being troubled by this cold.
That realization gave him the piece of mind to continue quietly listening to the rest of the conversation.
"That's Subaru-kun for you! Rem is impressed!" Rem said brightly, practically glowing with admiration.
"Unfortunately, that won't be possible."
Everyone turned to the shivering Ram. "Why?!"
.
.
Kaeya's eyes scanned the large stone bath in horror… and stopped.
What. The. Fuck? He thought.
The contents were… not water. Thick, pale, and glossy, it coated the surface like some grotesque concoction.
"This is... Mayonnaise..." The boy stared at the large bath that was filled with ungodly amounts of white sludge.
"Yes. I was doing my best making this for Mayo lovin' Subaru's sake!" Rem answered proudly, "The other time, "
Kaeya's eye twitched. His thrifty self which got activated on only a few specific matters emerged.
Did she seriously lose 100 points of IQ after falling in love with Subaru?
The maid remembered the time a naked Subaru ran into the bath without noticing that it wasn't water he was jumping in.
Subaru covered in white goo was yelling at a confused Rem intangibly.
"Subaru-kun got mad at me for not being enough Mayo. So this time, I filled the large public bath!" Rem proudly turned around and leaned forward with her head presented to Subaru.
She looked like an eager Puppy.
"I wouldn't mind it if you praised me." Rem smiled and awaited her head pat.
"Are you an idiot?!" Subaru yelled at the happy maid.
Rem suddenly got an epiphany. "Shoot! The mayonnaise is frozen!"
"That's not the problem!"
"But don't worry Subaru-kun. Once it melts, the flaky mayonnaise will turn into bath-water!"
"Just stop, please! The mayo lovers of the entire world will curse you!"