"Come here. Take out your all-day stress on me," he repeats, arms still open like he's offering himself as a human stress ball.
I nearly choke. "Idiot!! Don't say it like that! Are you crazy?!"
He blinks, antenna giving a confused little wiggle. "But that's what—"
"Nope! Nooope. Just—just bring back your clothes, okay?! Please!"
He tilts his head again, still looking puzzled, but at least he listens. The illusion hoodie shimmers back into place over his body, wrapping him in that oversized softness again.
But me? No. Of course not. My traitor eyes take one last lightning-fast glance at his bare torso before it disappears.
Muscles. Abs. Chest. Sparkle.
Damn it.
I slap my cheeks lightly. Yunhua, get it together!
"Ahm… listen, you dummy," I say, pointing a finger at him like a teacher scolding a mischievous student. "You don't do that stuff with anyone unless you really love them, okay?"
He nods once. "Understood."
But the second I say those words, my own heart twists. That touch… that kiss… the one I once shared with Tang Shixiu—ugh. My throat tightens, a sharp sting in my chest like someone poked an old bruise.
Nope. No time for this, Yunhua. I slap both my cheeks lightly. "Ughhh! Focus, girl! Image home finding mission!"
Jiang's antenna gives a soft flicker. "Then not even in acting. Got it."
I breathe out. "Good boy."
Just as I'm about to give him the next task—
GRRRAWWLL.
Both of us freeze. The sound echoes like a dying monster.
"…Was that your stomach or mine?" I ask.
He tilts his head. "I believe it was yours."
I slap a hand over my poor, betrayed belly. "Ugh… okay, task later. First—we eat."
"But I don't have any energy left," I mumble, dragging my feet to the kitchen. I yank open the cabinet and hold up the holy grail of exhausted people everywhere.
"Ta-da! We are eating instant ramen again!"
Jiang stares at the shiny packet like it's some ancient alien artifact. "Yunhua… are you sure this contains enough nutrients to sustain your body?"
I deadpan. "Jiang, I'm running on one brain cell and spite right now. Just boil the water."
He nods solemnly like I just gave a mission of galactic importance. "Boiling water. Understood."
Uh… he's learning fast. At least now he can boil water. Good dog—I mean, good boi!
We quickly throw together the instant ramen, and a few minutes later, we're both flopped on the couch, bowls in hand, slurping like our lives depend on it.
"Ughhh… hahhh… finally," I groan between mouthfuls. "I didn't eat anything at all today, yk!"
Jiang slurps his noodles with surprising skill and nods, dead serious. "Wow. Amazing. You survived without eating. The TV girlfriend didn't manage that. You are a strong girlfriend."
I smirk, leaning back like I just won a gold medal. "Fufu~ Yes, yes, I am. Praise me more."
"You are sexy without clothes."
PFFFFTTTTTT!!!
I spit out my noodles like a broken fountain and start choking on air.
"W-what?!" I croak, coughing and thumping my chest.
Jiang stares at me all calm, like he just gave me a weather report. "That's what TV boyfriend says to his girlfriend as praise."
I slam my bowl down. "THE HELL IT IS?!"
He tilts his head. "It was in episode twelve. He said it and she smiled."
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, face burning. "She smiled because she's paid to act, you maniac!"
He blinks. "So you didn't like the compliment?"
I groan and bury my face in my hands. "I need to write a letter to every drama scriptwriter in the country and ask them to stop ruining my life."
"You know them personally?" he asks, blinking. "You guys still use those ancient letter thingies? Don't you have that ear-cheek communication device?"
I blink back at him, stunned. "It's called a phone, and—ugh! That was just sarcasm, idiot!"
"Oh," he says, nodding slowly. "Sarcasm again? This thing is hard. I don't know when it comes… I need to learn fast."
He stares off dramatically, like he's about to enroll in a Sarcasm Academy. His antenna droops with determination. I sigh and flop back onto the couch.
"Yeah well, good luck, you're gonna need it."
"Thank you. I will become master of sarcasm soon."
"God help us all."
is this God guy you always ask help from?" he asks, tilting his head, genuinely confused. His antenna gives a curious wiggle.
"Uh… God is umm…" I trail off, blinking fast. How the heck do I explain that?
Then I raise an eyebrow. "Wait—wait. You wanna know where God lives?"
He nods eagerly. "Yes! If he helps you often, I should visit him too. Maybe ask for sarcasm powers."
I almost choke again. "No, no, no—Jiang, it's not like that! He doesn't have an address! He's, like… everywhere and nowhere?"
He frowns. "Sounds like a terrible neighbor. Hard to find, never shows up."
"But you know, you can find him!" I say, springing up like I've just had an discovery.
I march over to the air conditioner and jab the remote. The cool air kicks in—instant lab vibes. Then I turn on my PC, heart thudding like I'm about to summon the divine.
"Where is it… where's that cheat code…" I mutter, rifling through the scattered chaos of my desk. I find the tiny folded paper Mr. Jun gave me. The holy grail. I enter the code, fingers dancing across the keyboard like I'm hacking into heaven itself.
The screen flickers—then bam! A sprawling image of galaxies bursts into view. Swirls of blue and red, stars scattered like glitter.
"Ahhh—look, Jiang!" I wave him over like a proud nerd. "See this? One by one, you'll find every corner of space."
I click auto-motion. The images start to shift, each galaxy appearing every five seconds. A cosmic slideshow.
He stares, wide-eyed, mouth slightly open. His antenna glows a soft, dreamy blue.
"I don't see God yet," he whispers.
"Yeah," I say softly, sinking into my chair beside him. "Neither do we. But we keep looking anyway."
"Nice plan," I mutter under my breath, arms crossed like a mastermind. "Now he'll see his galaxy, react, and boom—I find his home planet. Perfect plan."
I glance over at him, expecting sparkles in his eyes, glowing antenna, maybe a dramatic gasp.
Instead, he just… stares at the screen.
Expressionless. Antenna doing the tiniest flick like it's buffering.
"Not amused, huh?" I sigh, slumping in my chair. "Right. I forgot—you literally travel through space. This is probably like looking at your baby photos."
He hums a little. "I've passed this one… and that one… and—oh, that one exploded once. We dodged it."
"Okay, show-off," I mumble, pulling out a calculator. "Let's see… five seconds per image, multiplied by, I don't know, two trillion galaxies…"
I stare at the screen, eyes slowly widening. "That's… ten trillion seconds. Ugh, how many years is that?"
Jiang tilts his head. "Are we watching the whole thing?"
"No!" I snap, tossing the calculator on the desk. "We'll be dead by then!"
"Are we still finding God's home?" Jiang asks, like he's genuinely invested in this divine treasure hunt.
I flop back in my chair and groan. "Ugh, forget God. He's everywhere, remember? Super annoying roommate type. Let's move on. You tell me—where's your home?"
Jiang blinks. "My home planet?"
He taps on his wrist device. A soft beep sounds, and then a hologram flickers to life above his arm. It floats in the air between us—an enormous galaxy cluster, swirling and alive. I lean forward, eyes wide.
"Wait—whoa, is that the whole cluster?"
He nods and zooms in with a casual flick. The stars rush past like we're on a space roller coaster. We dive into a single galaxy, then another zoom brings us to a solar system, and finally… a planet.
Blue. Green. Brown. So much larger than Earth, but somehow—prettier. Like Earth's hotter, richer, cooler cousin who owns a floating mansion.
Jiang points proudly. "That's my planet."
I just stare, slack-jawed. "You live there?"
He beams. Antenna glowing soft and proud. "Yes. That's my home."
I blink fast, jaw still hanging a little. "Damn. Now I really feel like a potato in a rented apartment."
I look at the floating projection, then glance at my poor computer screen… then sigh deeply.
"Poor Mr. Jun," I mumble, shaking my head. "His six hours of work, just—poof—gone. All wasted arranging galaxy images like a cosmic slideshow. Why… why did I try to become Sh*rlock Holm*s instead of just asking Jiang directly?"
I facepalm lightly. "All this dramatic detective build-up for nothing."
Whatever. Let's salvage this moment.
I scoot closer to my desk, plop in front of the PC again, and start typing. "Let's see what galaxy cluster this is. Maybe I've seen it before…"
I punch in a few keywords, cross-checking the hologram Jiang showed me. The search loads, and then—bam—it pops up.
"TRXO792-GEY29 ORIN-RCU23."
My finger jabs the screen. "This cluster! I knew it looked familiar!"
I look at Jiang. "Who would've thought this fancy-sounding bunch of letters and numbers actually holds a planet full of aliens like you—super advanced, zero concept of privacy, and allergic to shirts."
He blinks innocently, antenna giving a cheerful flick. "It's a nice place."
"Yeah, I bet it is," I mutter, half impressed, half jealous.
"Zhal'Thera Expanse," he says proudly, antenna wiggling like it's doing a little happy dance. "My home planet is called that!"
"Zhal'Thera… Expanse," I repeat, slowly. "Wow. Sounds like something straight out of a sci-fi movie."
He nods with a soft hum, antenna glowing faintly. "I do miss home," he says, voice softer this time. "But… I love being your gf-bf thing. It's good!"
His voice dips with longing. I glance away then stare at him, blinking. My chest does this weird tight-squishy thing.
"…You mean boyfriend, Jiang."
He nods confidently. "Yes. I love being your boyfriend."
I grab a pillow and hide my face. "Stop saying it like that! It sounds too real!"
"But it is real. We are pretending seriously, right?" he says with that clueless, serious tone.
Ugh. Somebody hold me. This idiot's gonna break my heart with that smile.