You know, I may be somewhat of a genius scientist myself, but, I have to be very honest with you, this has got to be the most dumbest thing someone with the intellectual capability of mine will ever try do, I mean, even if it were just one of those shrimp-sized, samurai boy scouts who come to have a routine check on me during night patrol, I still think I would not fare a chance against them, especially in this weakened state no less.
I could think of the many thousands of ways that little samurai guy who gave me water from before would cut me down well before I could even process anything that was going on in the situation: decapitation, stabbing, dissection, incapacitation, slitting of the throat, death by bleeding out, and so on and so forth, and yet, not a single way comes to my head of me overcoming or even just momentarily overwhelming this little twat.
And supposedly, if this guy were to incapacitate me and drag me to the local daimyo, Kurohiro (that's what I assume his full name is), the shogun of this period of time, Tokugawa Ieyasu or even their bloody god-emperor, prestige Edo-sama, the alleged, literal reincarnation of the god of peace and prosperity, the First Amendment Elysian, do you think they'll let me, a non-royal, let alone a foreigner from a different continent, different period of time, different way of living, different way of honour, different way of adaptation and different way of interpreting life and death as a whole, who'd sacrifice everything I have for the good of the world in contrast to these sheep who think honour is everything and would end their whole bloodline because of one meagre, mild mistake, do you think they'll let me go with just a slap on the wrist?, HELL NO!
I mean, that Kuro fella killed his own subordinate for just asking him to lessen the harshness of my torment, and his body still remains here in front of the bamboo cell, leaking blood all over the gravel through three, very large, gaping, fatal wounds, hell, I literally wet myself just thinking of how much of a prick that Kuro guy can be (I would piss myself regardless eventually because nobody can girth down 4 litres of water without excreting it out), if this is what he'd do to his colleague, imagine what he would do to me?
I only had two things up my sleeve that I could use to my advantage, first being my intellectual capability (duh!), which I could use to my advantage in terms of planning and prepping, and the second being the amount of time I have before the samurai come back, if my estimates are correct, they only patrol this rural region and alleyway at dusk, from 6 to 8 pm, as well as dawn at 6 am to 8 am, that gives me between 5 and 6 hours until the daimyo fella and his subordinate scum comes to "check up" on me, thank the gods he didn't appoint one of his guards to keep watch, though, to be fair to him, I was practically a living mummy when I was throw into the cell.
Speaking of the other dead subordinate, I had a brilliant idea on what to do with his body, you remember how I said that I didn't have any armour that I could use to tank blunt and piercing blows, well, since this dead samurai had an untouched samurai helmet, a sword, and a semi functional 'yoroi' torso armour, as well as padding for each limb, I could possibly use it as a means of better survival against these freaks, and for his body?, I could use his body as a dummy so that it looked like I was still in the cell from afar.
As for the rope and the bucket, I could tie the bucket to one of the poles on one of the bungalow's on either side and leverage it at such an angle that it could mobilise at such a high speed that it might decapitate the samurai as soon as it comes into contact, perhaps cleave his head in two, even with his 'yoroi' armour on.
And so I did so, for 20, long, gruelling minutes, climbing to the top of the bungalow on the left side by climbing onto the concrete wall in between the bungalow and the bamboo prison, and using it as a boost to get atop the roof, and another 15 minutes trying to tie the rope to the pole, and also try not to cut myself with the sides of the bucket whilst stabilising myself so that I would not fall off the bungalow.
It then took me 5 minutes to climb down safely by leveraging onto the concrete wall, I could have slid down the pole, but then I would have shattered my already fragile, toothpick looking legs, hence leading to me to possibly bleed out and die from blood loss.
I also took extra precaution angling the bucket tied at the post at the right spot, exactly a 45 degrees angle from the cage, which is an estimated 5 metres away from the cage in a depression length, the reason I do this is so that I can use the log as primary source of converting the potential energy of the bucket and the rope into kinetic energy, in simple terms, I will be throwing the log at the bucket so that it swings in the direction I want it to, eventually slice right through the skull of the samurai guard, and practically turn his head into a football. Stupid idea, I know, but better to take the risk than to sit idle and twiddle my thumbs which I may lose if I don't pucker up.
I dropped the log onto the floor on its side, making sure that I don't break off the sharpness on the sharp end of the log, and with a heave and a ho, I dragged the deceased samurai to the opening of the cell.
I stripped off his armour, revealing the open wounds left on his chest and abdomen, if it were just an inch deeper, his organs would have flooded the gravel below.
I put on the heavy ass armour, (minus the katana, which was left unsheathed in the cage), -which was quite overgrown, making this easy to slip on-, and heaved this dead loser in through the hole in the cell.
I then used the remainder of the other half of the ropes to tie the grates that I cut off with the metal bucket. After I tied the rope to the grates in the cage, I sat down for a well deserved rest (and by rest, I mean a 5 minute break).
The last thing to do was wait. From my calculations, I had spent upwards of five hours prepping my traps, as well as walking around and gathering all of my equipment, this meant that I had just under 5 hours until the daimyo Kuro and his little bastard underlings reappeared.
I figured I might just walk around the area for a bit, I mean, I am quite literally wearing a dead man's armour, plus with the helmet, how could they tell if I'm Japanese or not?, heck, if I'm lucky, I might use my status as a samurai to get me a few valuable goods, preferably food.
Now I have to mention here that even though my mind, my bones, my skin, my sense of touch, my sense of smell, and my sense of taste are practically the same as before, my sense sight and my hearing are nullified by an estimated 50%, so much so that when I ran towards the well to get another 2 litres down my system (the other two litres that I drank earlier was practically absorbed into my drained body, hence I hadn't felt the urge to relieve myself then and there), I hadn't taken notice to anything but the well, the grass field, the rope and the bucket.
Even when setting up the traps, I hadn't taken notice to nothing but the bucket, the rope, the pole, the concrete wall and the bungalow that I had to climb up and down, so it would be a good change to walk around and perhaps bargain my way into getting some fruit or meat, besides, my stomach keeps rumbling like a motorcycle.
As I got up from my seated position next to the bamboo cage, I walked towards the direction of sunlight, which was hailing from a forward direction, directly ahead of where I tied the sharp, metal bucket to the post of the "minka" on the left side.
I knew that there was some sort of forest with evergreen trees at the end of the road, an estimated 7 hectares in total area covered, I suppose there are a good amount of fruit such as citrus fruits, apples, berries, heck I met even find a few rambutans on the way there, who knows?
As I made my way down the road, which I assume is around 100 metres down from the bamboo cell, I saw a giant, curdling mass of greenery and shrubs, and sure enough, there was the forest, the esteemed "Akuma forest", written in Katakana kanji on a sign above a narrow, dull opening paved with rocks and gravel, and decorated with twigs and leaves layered on top of the gravel. I crossed my fingers for good luck. Who knows what's in store for me.
Oh yeah, by the way, I made two big choices before going into the forest:
With a huge reluctance, I took off the cool, slightly damaged, but still very cool samurai armour, it was too fucking heavy for me to wear to even walk to the gate, let alone walk through them.
I also decided to not go any further than the forest, I'd rather die in the forest than die by the hand of a samurai. Whatever I find suitable in the forest for me to survive will suffice for me. Although it was a dream of mine to discover the town square in this rural town, it's better to be safe than sorry.
One thing I will note is that the forest looked like there was much less than 7 hectares of area, heck I doubt if it were even 4 hectares, it looks much like a moss ridden ranch field than anything even remotely close to a forest.
Another thing to note is that I don't know what the hell to expect going into the forest, I mean, it could be filled with however many number of creepy crawlies, rabies ridden birds and foul primate-like monstrosities the known universe contains, perhaps the stench of rotting, day old animal faeces may render me unconscious permanently, perhaps I might get smoldered by a falling tree, maybe even get kidnapped by a creature from a god forsaken fairy tale, fuck sake, there might even be a "benevolent" deity that saves me from a rampaging feral monster, the possibilities are endless, but never once a zero.
I crossed my fingers one last time for salvation, whatever god exists and oversees us, I rest my life unto you.
With one last sigh, I walked towards the greenery, engulfed in the scent of evergreen trees and daisies, as I trotted over and reached the entrance of the 'Akuma Forest', as I took my first step, I could feel the gravel crunch under my foot, I trotted beyond the entrance, and was left in a much cooler and shady environment, I could almost feel the goosebumps expanding on each of my arms, to the point they looked like sores.
The gravel path led forward a couple of hundred metres according to my estimates, almost as if it were infinite in length.
I wavered through the path, taking in the scent of now leaves and oak, with no sight of any animals in store.
After walking a few dozen metres, I saw a birds nest, indicating that there are indeed wildlife in the forest, similarly, as I wafted down, I felt a crunch under my boots, it was a ginormous millipede, now dead and with it's insides all over my boots, the thing was the size of medium sized domesticated cat.
Disgusted by what I witnessed, I reluctantly scraped the bug off my boot with a nearby stick I found on the path and hurried onwards on my voyage.
After walking another 100 metres down the path, I came across a much larger opening in the path which curved skewed to the right, if I were to say that the opening at the beginning of the forest was a pickup truck wide, then this new connected opening was equal to four and a half semi-trucks in breadth.
This new opening had a small grid on the flooring to signify a brand new, better path.
As I trailed through the opening, treading through even more dry gravel, a few things caught my eye: a three headed pigeon, a nest of leeches latching onto trees and branches, but what really opened my eyes was an apple tree with over a dozen apples latched onto it, out of 12 apples, 7 of them were green apples, and the other 5 were fully ripe.
In my near-death like state, I almost jolted through a bush full of thorns, prickles and nettles, ready to stain the bush with blood for a dozen apples that might even kill me on the spot.
Before I could do so, a malign purr could be heard from beyond the bushes, almost as if an apex predator was perching down on the ground, waiting for a prey that it could shred to flesh and bone, I walked slowly back, counteracting the sound of the purr, I had bigger things to worry about than a pack of predator felines, as long as I could get down the path as quick as possible, I should be able to evade an encounter with a little kitty cat.
One step at a time, calm and collective, I walked forwards beyond the bush, with my footsteps making noise that could not be heard, even by an owl.
As I was a mere 10 metres away from where I was a minute ago, I felt a crunch under my foot.
'Oh crap!', I thought, somehow, someway, I managed to step on a sharp branch which pierced my foot.
I yelped as I felt immense pain pour into my left foot, and in a split second, the purr turned into a loud 'ROAR!', as the lion leaped over the large bush, and landed on the spot where I stood a minute ago. If I'd stood there like a fool instead of trying to get away, I would have been swatted in half with a single swipe.
The lion roared and lined up its paws like an Olympic sprinter in order to charge at me.
The thing stood in front of the sunlight, it looked like a Nemean Lion from Greek myth, with golden fur, and a size that was far greater than any other lion before it.
Those things gave Heracles a run for his money, and here I am, about to be a medium rare steak for this behemoth.
I had to think of a quick way to distract this thing momentarily, as the Lion padded forward, I grabbed the stick which I'd trotted on from off the ground and chucked it at the eye of the Lion, and as I did so, I simultaneously ran as fast as any fatigued living thing would and dashed in a zig zag pattern to throw the lion off guard, the lion pranced at the same time, and as I threw the stick, it roared as the stick whacked it in the eye, and as it tried to rub its eye, it scratched the eye on accident, personally gouging out its own eye, the feral let out a blood curdling roar that could probably be heard from the bamboo prison around a few kilometres away.
As it tried to recuperate, I had gained a lead of 45 metres from where I was previously confronted by the lion, it looked at me with a vengeful stare, not at is it looked at me as food, but rather a torture toy, a hostage, as long as it got revenge for me being the reason its eye got gouged out, I was not being let go.
It charged like a mad bull seeing a moving red flag, like a bear charging at deer, this thing covered 20 metres within a second of sprinting and within 5 seconds, it had gotten in range of around 15 metres behind me, so with some quick thinking, as the lion trailed just 5 metres behind, I dived onto one of the bushes of thorns and prickles on the left, which sent the lion sprawling to a hauls as its paws screeched across the ground for about 4 seconds and crashing into tree just ahead of the bush.
As I sat upright onto the bush, and took a look at myself, every part of my upper body had decorated itself in scratches, blood gashing out from three spots, my abdomen, my neck, and largely, my back. Blood covered the bush as it covered the green leaves in red. This was clearly another dumb mistake from me, but it was a "probably die or definitely die" scenario, I mean, would you rather be eaten by a feral lion that tangled with a god?
Every part of my outfit was torn, my lab coat looked more like a rag than anything else, my monocle broke upon impact and slightly grazed my lips and my cheeks, my shoes shredded to ashes, my shirt left rendered with holes than a whack-a-mole arcade machine.
I had merely 5 seconds to recover before the lion decapitates me on the spot, it was prancing, lingering from a 5 meter radius, and yet, it felt like it was right in front of me, never before have I felt so fearful in my entire existence, not even when facing the Yahtzees, or nearly being skewered by the samurai, not even a single percentage of the fear I felt in this exact moment.
The behemoth wasted no time, it crouched on all four of its limbs and steadied itself for another meal, it launched into the air, swimming its limbs in minimal gravity, as it held its front two paws in action, and mouth open wide to bite down, chew up and tear at what remains of me, ready to swipe my head off, dice my arm to shreds, eat whatever organs it could scavenge, as it was a mere 2 metres away from ending me for good, I fell inwards through the opening of the bush and caved inwards.
I expected to land on my head onto a sharp rock and end my suffering before the lion could, but I had fallen through a giant trap, almost like a mini-sinkhole in the ground, overlaid with leaves as a way to disguise itself as a solid surface.
I felt the pressure of falling down almost as quick as I noticed my surroundings, what I was currently falling through was a really large cave, approximately 200 metres deep and 4 metres wide, it was rather dull cave as no sunlight sank in deep enough, however, it was just bright enough to tell me that the edges of this cave is covered in mud and gravel, meaning that it wasn't exactly rock solid.
I could merely make out the shape of the blood thirsty lion staring down at me through the trap, both due to the lack of sunlight and due to the fallen leaves, it was latching onto the edges of the bush for support and stability, as if it wanted to fall through to catch me, but didn't want to risk getting turned into ground beef itself.
I flipped over by using the leverage from the walls as best as I could, and saw what could possibly give me the best end to my story, what I saw beneath me was a massive lake, around as wide as the actual cave itself, if I chose between death by hypothermia or by getting mauled to death by a feral feline, I'd rather choose the former over the latter any day.
As I inched near my impending doom, I felt my body heating up, and on fire, almost at around 120 degrees Celsius, I longed for the coolness of the still water of the lake below me, and just as I hit the water, it felt as if I had hit a concrete pavement, but a death from drowning is far less intense than being mauled to pieces.
As I closed my eyes, and held my breath in, I sank deeper and deeper into the freezing still water of the lake, wiping away the burning sensation and granting my soul the rest it deserves after the 70+ years of its miserable existence, this truly is a fitting way to end.
This is goodbye forever reader.