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When it came to this utterly ridiculous test, Augustus had no choice but to wave the white flag.
Even though he'd read the man's books, Augustus was focused on building a complete magical framework for the world—how could he spare the mental energy to memorize all that random nonsense? So naturally, he turned in a blank test.
"Tut-tut—hardly anyone remembers that my favorite color is lilac. I mentioned it in A Year with the Yeti in Tibet. Some of you really ought to go back and read more carefully—I clearly said in Chapter 12 that my ideal birthday present would be peace and harmony between magical and non-magical folks… in Walun, a port city in southwestern Thailand.
"But hey, I wouldn't say no to a big bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky either!"
He threw them a cheeky wink. It was unexpected, really—this absurd professor's idea of a perfect birthday was a world where Muggles and wizards got along.
Weirdly enough, that actually lined up with Dumbledore's ideals. Could that be the reason Dumbledore hired him? To help build a peaceful, mixed society? Augustus couldn't help but entertain the idea with a touch of sarcastic malice.
"Anyway, back to the lesson..."He bent down behind the podium and hauled up a large cage covered in a cloth, placing it on the desk.
"Now—brace yourselves! My job is to teach you how to defend against the darkest things the magical world has to offer! What you're about to face is terrifying—but as long as I'm here, none of you will be hurt. All I ask is that you stay calm."
Malfoy couldn't help but poke his head out from behind a stack of books to get a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed one hand dramatically on the cloth. Lillian's smile froze. Antonio instinctively backed away.
"I must ask that you don't scream," Lockhart said in a low, serious voice. "That might provoke them!"
Everyone held their breath. Lockhart whipped off the cloth.
"Ta-da! Freshly caught Cornish Pixies," he said, in an overly theatrical tone.
Antonio couldn't help letting out a snort. Even Lockhart couldn't have mistaken that for a frightened scream.
"What?" Lockhart asked with a grin, turning to Antonio.
"Well, they're not exactly... I mean, they're not that dangerous, are they?" Antonio was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
"Don't be so sure of yourself!" Lockhart snapped, wagging a finger. "They can be mischievous little devils, as cunning as Imps!"
The pixies were bluish-purple and about eight inches tall, with pointy little faces and high-pitched screechy voices, like a dozen parakeets arguing all at once. The moment the cloth came off, they started shrieking, bouncing around, rattling the bars of the cage, and making all sorts of silly faces at the nearest students.
"Alright," Lockhart said loudly, "let's see how you handle them!"He flung open the cage door.
And then—total chaos. The pixies shot out like fireworks. Two of them grabbed Pansy by the ears and lifted him off the ground.
A few others smashed through the windows, sending shards of glass flying across the back of the classroom. The rest tore through the room like a herd of wild rhinos, causing even more destruction.
They flung ink bottles across the room, shredded books and papers, yanked down posters from the walls, overturned trash bins, and chucked backpacks and textbooks out the broken windows.
Within minutes, half the class had taken cover under their desks. Neville was swinging from the chandelier.
"Come on, round them up, round them up! They're just pixies!" Lockhart yelled. He rolled up his sleeves, waved his wand, and shouted,"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
Absolutely nothing happened. One of the pixies snatched his wand and threw it out the window.
Lockhart gasped and dove under the desk, narrowly avoiding Neville, who crashed down from above just as the chandelier gave out and smashed to the floor.
"Don't panic."A calm voice rang out from the back of the room—it was Augustus. His voice carried a strange, magical weight, and as soon as he spoke, the Slytherin students immediately settled down, as if soothed by a charm. Everyone turned to look at him, eyes filled with hope. Even Lockhart, his hair sticking up like a bird's nest and two long scratches on his face, poked his head out from under the desk to watch.
Augustus raised his silver wand and pointed it toward the air. From the tip of his wand, a flock of glowing eagles burst forth—pure white, radiant, and majestic. The luminous birds soared through the room, wings spread wide, moving with incredible speed.
One by one, they dove on the screeching pixies like predators. With their sharp talons, they grabbed the struggling creatures out of the air and dropped them back into the cage.
Within moments, every last pixie had been caught. With the final one locked away, the classroom finally fell silent.
Lockhart let out a dramatic sigh of relief. His hair was in complete disarray, his face scratched, but his expression was still as arrogant as ever—like everything had gone exactly as planned.
He cleared his throat and said,"Ah, very well done, Augustus. Giving others a chance to shine is the mark of a true gentleman. I could have handled it myself in seconds, of course, but I thought I'd give Augustus an opportunity to practice. It's an attitude you should all aspire to. Ahem."
He seemed to notice the strange expressions on everyone's faces and hesitated."Well, that's all for today. Go home and write me an essay on the behavior and attack patterns of these terrifying pixies. If you ever run into them again, hopefully you won't be so helpless next time."
With that, Lockhart gave the class a final smug look and swept out of the room with his head held high.
"Can you believe the wizarding world has people like that teaching?" Lillian said bitterly as they walked down the corridor, her lip curling in disgust.
"I swear, I'm writing to my father," Malfoy muttered, yawning lazily. "Hogwarts is seriously hiring anyone these days. If he can be a teacher, then I might as well be headmaster."
A few Slytherins walking nearby gave him some odd looks and quickly walked away.
"That teacher's abilities are definitely questionable," Augustus added. "If he didn't have some trace amount of magical power, I'd have thought he was a Squib. Honestly, any adult wizard with average skills could've handled those pixies easily. Judging by today's performance, the stuff he wrote in his autobiographies? Not a chance."
Malfoy and Lillian both nodded in agreement.
That man—Lockhart—was clearly still scheming to make a comeback. And that notebook Lucius had handed off to Ginny... Augustus still hadn't figured it out. There was something sinister about it, something dark and legendary.
In these chaotic times, what exactly was Dumbledore thinking, choosing him as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?
Outside the corridor window, the sky had already turned golden. The setting sun painted the horizon red, and the clash of colors cast a desolate glow over the world.
"....."