September 28, 1997
Hermione pushed her curls back off her forehead and sighed. She had just found some mushrooms and berries in the forest and she was hoping against hope that they weren't poisonous. She was going to have to check them against the pictures in the books she brought to make sure.
It had been a long month waiting for Ron's arm to be well enough to apparate. They were still moving every few days, which meant that they had to walk. While she wasn't against the physical exercise in the least, it was getting harder and harder to accomplish it when they were so hungry. They had ran out of food days ago and it was left to Hermione and Harry to forage for what they could and hope that it was enough to keep them fed.
So far, though, there hadn't been much. In fact, the last two days, Hermione had secretly given the boys her food so they would get more to eat. They had more muscle mass and they needed the extra intake; she was able to survive on less, especially since she already ate far less than they did. Not that any of this seemed to matter to Ron. He was just as hateful and critical about the food as he was about everything else.
Not that she blamed him entirely; they were taking turns wearing the horcrux and it was affecting them all. While Ron became a jealous git who complained about absolutely everything, Harry's eyes turned dark and he would just glare at Ron. There were several times that she was sure that they were going to go to blows over one thing or another but so far Harry had been able to stop it from getting that far. As for herself, she drew into herself and became even more quiet, more emotional. The horcrux brought out every trait in herself that she didn't like. She wasn't sure if Harry or Ron thought the same way but it was true for herself.
Ron's latest rant from only thirty minutes before had been because they didn't know where any of the other horcruxes were, that they should have researched it enough to where their locations were known, which of course meant that Hermione should have researched it. There was no way in blue hell that Ron would willingly pick up a book to research something like that; therefore, it fell to Hermione. She couldn't ask Harry, he already had given up so much and had too much on his shoulders.
For one, she knew that he had to be missing Ginny. Sure, she knew that they had argued about Ginny giving him oral sex while she was in the room but she didn't think that Harry was serious about being done with her. She remembered well their sixth year where he had spent most of it pining for her while he watched from afar. She knew that as soon as they sorted out their problems, he would get back together with her.
Of course, this made her heart hurt just a little bit. Hermione had carried a torch for her best friend since they had saved Sirius together on the back of Buckbeak; it had been the one and only time she hadn't minded flying. However, he hadn't seemed interested in asking her to the Yule Ball and had been in love with Cho Chang all their fifth year. She knew that she would never stand a chance against Ginny; while Hermione knew that she wasn't ugly by any means, she also wasn't beautiful like Ginny or Cho was. Sure, she was much smarter than they were but Ron and her other female friends had told her that usually scared most men away; they didn't like to be intimidated.
Hermione told herself that she didn't mind. As long as Harry was happy, she would be more than willing to overlook whoever he was with. She would never want him to be with her only to realize that he was miserable and felt intimidated in their relationship. Hermione knew that she needed a strong man, someone that wasn't scared of how smart she was, and while she thought that Harry hadn't been, now she wasn't so sure. He had clearly enjoyed being with Ginny, that much had been obvious after she had sucked him off in her room that day at the Burrow. Therefore, Hermione just smiled and nodded, burying her feelings even deeper inside so nobody could ever find them. Never in a million years did she want Harry to find out and feel guilty or even worse, pity for her.
However much of a git Ron was being, he still had a point. Not only did they have no idea where the next horcrux was, they had no way to destroy it either. She knew that Harry had killed the diary of Tom Riddle with a basilisk fang but they had no access to basilisks or Hogwarts. She was trying to research alternative ways of destroying them but had so far had no luck. She knew that Harry was disappointed though he made sure to never tell her. She appreciated his attitude far more than she did Rons.
Hermione started to wander back to the camp that they had made just the day before. They tried to move camp every three days so nobody could trace their magical signatures. They had numerous wards up around their tent but she didn't trust them for long. Harry called her paranoid but she was quick to point out that her gut feelings and intellect had saved their arses more than once. Therefore, he didn't complain about walking several miles every few days to ensure their safely.
Her thoughts started to drift to her dark-haired friend again. She had expected there to be a fallout after he had killed Umbridge; she had expected for him to feel guilty and maybe break down. She knew that he hadn't wanted to kill anyone when they started out on this mission. He had simply told her that he would never feel sorry about the horrid cunt dying, only that he wished it had been more painful. She hounded him for days to reveal what had caused his rage that day in the Ministry and to say that she had been astounded at his response would have been an understatement.
*Flashback*
Hermione knew that now would be the best time to question Harry again. Ron was asleep and would likely be that way for another couple of hours. Since he had been injured, he slept more than usual and Hermione attributed it to his body needing the energy to heal. They didn't have much food so if she could grant him rest, she would.
Hermione was sitting on one end of the little couch while Harry was stretched out across the remainder. He looked like he was concentrating on the book he was reading on dark arts but she knew that he really wasn't. It had been almost ten minutes since he had turned the page. She briefly wondered if he was thinking about Ginny. Rather than let her mind wander with that topic, she reached out and tickled the bottom of his foot. He started and then smirked at her when he looked up.
"Are you ever going to tell me why you killed Umbridge? I'm not complaining, it just didn't seem like you, Harry." He pulled his glasses off his face and rubbed it with both hands before sighing heavily.
"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" Hermione just smiled at him. He should know her well enough to know that that was never going to happen. He chuckled softly before putting his glasses back on.
"I was searching that cunt's desk and filing cabinet for the locket. In the last drawer of the filing cabinet, I found her intel on the Order of the Phoenix, it's members, their statuses, and what their punishments were to be if they were caught. We'll just say that I didn't like what I read there." Hermione pulled his feet until they were resting in her lap so she could put her hands on his legs. This was the only way she could make sure that he didn't get up and run off.
"What did it say?" Harry started to get a little agitated so she started to rub his ankles softly through his jeans. It didn't seem to help, however, since his tone was tight and angry.
"You can't just leave well enough alone. It said that I led Sirius to his death, that if Ron was caught he was to be apprehended to Azkaban before being assigned to a proper pureblood family for training so he could be branded. Ginny is to given to a pureblood husband to be bred and kept in line. Molly will be kept as a mistress if Arthur is killed. And you…" His breath hitched a little and Hermione looked at him in concern. He seemed truly distressed over what he had read about their friends. She squeezed his ankles softly to get his attention.
"You don't have to tell me anymore. I'm sorry, I didn't think you would get this upset." Harry pulled his legs off her lap and gave her an incredulous look.
"They plan to give Ginny to a Death Eater so she can be a broodmare. They've already convicted you of stealing magic and since you didn't appear to serve your prison sentence, you've been sentenced to Hogwarts to serve as the Slytherin House Whore. If you don't do a good enough job, they're going to kill you. The rest of my friends are going to end up in Azkaban or dead. You didn't think that I would get upset? Are you fucking serious?" Harry did all but yell at her.
Hermione felt tears prick her eyes and she wasn't sure if it was because of her future if she was caught or because Harry was yelling at her. Something that he had never done before. She pulled her hands back and looked down at them, fighting the urge to let her tears free. Her voice was quiet as she spoke.
"I'm sorry, Harry, I should have thought," she assured him. There were several seconds where silence lay between them and she wondered if he was still glaring at her. However, she wasn't brave enough to look up and see. To say that she was surprised when he sat down next to her would be an understatement. He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side, burying his nose in her hair. She felt him kiss the side of her head before he broke the silence.
"I'm sorry, 'Mi. I was an arsehole and you didn't deserve that. I just don't like thinking about everyone in those situations." Hermione nodded against him, rubbing the tear that escaped on his shirt.
"It's alright. I should have thought," she told him. He chuckled softly against her hair.
"You're always thinking, you're allowed to not be perfect now and again," he reassured her. She laughed against his chest before resting there. Harry pulled her in tighter and just let her bask in his warmth.
"Take a nap, 'Mi. Forget my awful manners." She laughed again but did as he told her. She snuggled into his chest until she was comfortable and let exhaustion lead her Morpheus.
*End of Flashback*
Hermione reached the wards that were around the tent and slipped through them with no effort. Since she had laid all of them, she could easily enter. However, since she had laid the wards, if Harry or Ron left them, they wouldn't be able to find the tent again due to the types of wards she had used. This was the reason that she was almost always the person to go forage for food. Harry joined her sometimes but she didn't like him to. He was wanted far more than she was and his fate would be worse than hers if he was ever caught.
Ron and Harry were only mildly glaring at each other when she entered the tent so she gave them a bright smile, hoping that it would lighten their moods. Harry tried and gave her a small smile in return. Ron just glared even harder. She started towards the book in the kitchen that was her go-to guide on what was edible in the forest. Ron rolled his eyes at her actions.
"What did you manage to scrounge up today? Anything edible?" he asked. She just glared in response and continued to look through the pages. It took her several minutes to find what she was looking for but smiled triumphantly when she found that both the berries and the mushrooms were edible.
"Good news, I found mushrooms and berries. They're all edible too," she proclaimed, a little proud of her discovery. Ron continued to glare.
"All you found was mushrooms and berries? Why in the bloody hell don't we just call Kreacher and have him bring us food? Much better than nasty arse berries and mushrooms," he spat. Hermione took a deep breath and tried not to lose her patience with Ron. He was injured and wearing the horcrux. He was always a thousand times worse when he was wearing the blasted locket.
"Ron, we've explained to you more than once that Kreacher could be compromised," Hermione tried to patiently explain. Ron just exploded again.
"You're fucking mental, Hermione, nobody wants that rotten old elf. You just want us to suffer out here so you can play the hero when you bring home mushrooms. It's pretty fucking pathetic, really." Hermione wasn't sure how he could possibly think that of her. Why would she ever want them to suffer more than they were? Suddenly, everything came down on her at once and she burst into tears.
Hermione threw the mushrooms and berries on the makeshift table and angrily dashed the tears from her cheeks before running out of the tent and back into the early fall air.
-O-
Harry couldn't explain the inexplicable anger that was rushing through him right now. Sure, he had seen Hermione and Ron have their arguments but he had never made her cry like that since their first year and the troll incident. Hermione ran through the tent and out of the flap, tears down her face.
The Boy-Who-Lived threw a nasty glare at his best mate before he followed after Hermione. He wasn't sure why he was so protective of her lately; usually, he was fine with letting her fight her own battles and do her own thing, in fact, she always demanded it. Since they had left the Burrow, his protective urges towards Hermione had multiplied and he wasn't sure what to do with them.
First and foremost, he needed to make sure that Hermione didn't leave the wards. He hated when she went looking for food since she was the only one that could find the tent again; he went with her sometimes but she hated him putting himself in danger. It created a war within him to let her protect him but he also knew that it made her happy. It was a constant battle between keeping her safe and keeping her happy.
The evening air was getting cooler and he knew that Hermione would be cold if she stayed out longer than a few minutes. She was a tiny thing and didn't have much meat to her bones. He was scanning the waning sunlight for Hermione; he caught sight of her hunched over on a log at the ward line. He was sure that she was still crying, though she was completely silent. He approached quietly, not wanting to spook her. He took the seat next to her on the log and scooted close, closer than he usually sat next to her. He had been wanting to keep her close since leaving the Burrow but he was scared of ruining their friendship if she didn't feel the same way for him.
His arm went around her shoulders and he pulled her into his chest, wrapping his other arm around her to hold the back of her head so he could hold it against him. He could feel her hitching sobs but she remained silent. After a few minutes, she pulled away and he could see how truly distressed she was. In that moment, he battled being soft and tender with her, comforting her like he wanted, and going on a rampage against Ron for upsetting her so. Her eyes were red, her lashes wet. Tear stains colored her cheeks and even though it was a horrible moment, Harry couldn't help but realize just how beautiful she was. She started to furiously dash the tears away before Harry could say anything.
"I'm sorry I ran like a coward but I just couldn't stay any longer. It's like he's picking a fight with me on purpose, he's trying to make me lose it on him. I'm trying my hardest to get us through this, I'm doing everything I can to make sure that he's eating and he does nothing but complain. He never helps but I don't even care about that, I just want him to be nice. I want him to realize that I'm trying to make things easier on him, not harder. I'm supposed to be his friend; why is he doing this to me and not to you? Is it because I'm a woman so I'm supposed to take care of him?" Her words were so rushed that he really didn't think that she meant for them all to come out as quickly as they did. Harry pulled her back against his chest so he could comb his fingers through her curls as he spoke.
"You are the furthest thing from a coward, Hermione Jean. I know you're doing all you can so stop worrying about Ron. He's being a complete arse and is taking his anger out on you. He's mad that he isn't with his family even though I've told him that he doesn't have to stay. He's mad that he's injured and he really hates wearing that locket." Hermione nodded against him and relaxed into him. He turned her just enough that he would block the wind from her. After several minutes of her letting him comfort her, she sat up again and smiled softly.
"I just wish that he would be nice. He doesn't have to help, he doesn't even have to like what I manage to find. I just want to not be accused of trying to make everyone miserable so I can play the hero," she confided in him. He brushed her curls back from her face and saw just how tired she really looked. She was always volunteering for second watch, meaning that she only slept a few hours before being awake for a few, only to be told to go back to bed. He had told her that they would all switch turns but she had insisted that he needed his sleep for what was to come and that Ron needed his rest to heal. It was just now in this moment that he realized what a toll it was taking on her. He seriously doubted that she ever went back to sleep after her watch was over.
"You look exhausted, 'Mi. You're taking last watch tonight, I'll take first. Ron can take second for once. His arm is almost healed now and it won't hurt him to do more around here," he informed her. She flashed him a grateful smile.
"Thanks, Harry. You guys split the berries and such, I'm not hungry." He gave her another concerned look but she just waved it off.
"As soon as Ron is able to apparate, I'll go into muggle London and buy some groceries. I'd do it now but I don't feel good about going by myself since what you told me about if I get caught and I don't think we should leave Ron here by himself either. Safety in numbers is the best approach, I think," she told him. Harry nodded and stood up, holding out his hand to help her up as well.
Once they were on their feet, he kept hold of her hand and started to pull her back towards the tent. He could feel her tensing up as they moved and he hated that this was happening at all. He understood the foul mood from the horcrux, they were all affected in different ways, but he wished that Ron would take it out on him. He maneuvered her into the tent and towards the large bed that they shared.
The bed in general had been a huge bone of contention for the three of them. Originally, Ron had been alright with their set up, knowing that he needed a bed where nobody would bump his arm during the night while it healed. Now that he was doing better, he felt like Hermione needed the single bed while he shared with Harry. He said that it wasn't proper and made it sound like Hermione was some sort of scarlet woman that was servicing him in the middle of the night. Of course, that was probably just the horcrux talking but it had hurt her feelings that Ron had thought that of her.
Hermione had told him to fuck off in no fewer words and refused to speak to him for three days afterwards; while Harry had been livid, he hated the silence and wasn't capable of giving it very well. Hermione, however, was a pro. Finally, Ron couldn't take it anymore and had told Hermione that he was sorry, that he really didn't believe it, and that he knew she just wanted his arm to heal completely and to the best of its ability.
Regardless, Harry was glad. There was nothing better than crawling into bed with Hermione and smelling her on the pillows, her small figure bundled with blankets next to him. He would fall asleep on his side of the bed but when he woke in the morning, she would be spooned up against him, his arm thrown protectively around her waist. He suspected that she knew but she had yet to say anything. He appreciated her keeping it quiet; while he wasn't embarrassed by it, he knew that Ron wouldn't be quite so understanding.
Hermione disappeared into the bathroom and changed into her night clothes, shorty shorts and a camisole. Harry held up the duvet and she crawled under it, letting him tuck her in. He knew that it likely drove her crazy but let him do it because it made him feel better. After she was comfortable, he cast a silencing spell around the bed and waited until her eyes were closed before turning to Ron.
"You and I are going outside right now and having a discussion," Harry informed him. His tone told the redhead that he was serious and meant to be obeyed. For a brief moment, Harry wondered where that tone had come from. Ron rose to his feet and followed after him, a surprised look on his face. Just outside the tent, Harry wheeled on his best mate and let him have it.
"If I ever hear you talk to Hermione like that again, not only will you have to worry about her kicking your arse, you'll have to worry about me too. That girl is doing all she can to make sure that we survive this and you do nothing but fucking bitch and complain. Hermione is not your mother and she is not going to wait on you or be at your beck and call. If that's what you wanted, you should have stayed home with mummy," Harry spat at him. It was taking everything he had to not rip his best mate to shreds. Ron looked indignant when he spoke.
"I know I was too harsh but she can't even be trying. Mushrooms and berries? The day before that only a single fish? How does she expect us to live off that?" he questioned. Harry stared right into his best friend's eyes to make sure that he wasn't misunderstood.
"If you think you need more to live off of, you can go forage with her tomorrow. I'm sure she would love the help. We both want you here, Ron, you're our best friend. However, right now you're contributing nothing except getting up three hours early to sit outside and sleep. Don't try to act like you don't. You're almost completely healed so it's time for you to pull your weight. Tonight, you're taking second watch. Hermione is killing herself to always let us get the most sleep we can and you're so fucking ungrateful it makes me sick. If you want to continue this mission with us, get your shite together and stop being a fucking arsehole who just wants his mum." Harry knew that he had probably gone too far but he was past the point of caring. At this point, Ron was doing nothing to help their mission anyways. If he were gone, it really wouldn't make much difference except for more food and they could go shop sooner. Ron, however, seemed to realize that he had pushed Harry too far and simply nodded.
"Alright, mate, I'll take second watch. I'll start pulling my weight. I'll try to be nicer to Hermione. I'll even go help her look for food tomorrow." His words sounded sincere but he couldn't help but wonder just what his motives were. More time with Hermione? Time to apologize and try to get her to like him like he said he liked her? Something inside Harry howled with rage at the thought but he shoved it down as deep as he could. He had no right to claim Hermione; he still had Ginny's craziness to deal with. Instead, he gave his friend a sharp nod.
"Thank you, Ron. That's all we ask. You go get some sleep, I'm taking first watch. I'll wake you when it's time." Ron gave him a quick nod and disappeared back into the tent flap.
Harry sighed as he leaned back against the tree he had been seated next to. That wasn't something that he would have wanted for their friendship but it was something that needed to be done. As much as he respected Hermione and believed that she could take care of herself, there were some days that even the best of them needed taking care of. Today had been that day for Hermione, evidenced clearly by the fact that she had burst into tears. Hermione was not an emotional girl and for her to break down completely like she had, he had clearly missed that she was carrying far too much on her shoulders. He knew that the horcrux made her a little more emotional as well but there was nothing he could do about that. It shouldn't be her that was making sure he survived, it should be the other way around. He knew that it wasn't logical but he couldn't help how it felt.
With that, Harry promised to himself that he would start taking better care of Hermione; she did everything possible to take care of him and it was high time that he started to return the favor.