Living in a house full of all girls was not easy, well i bet we all know how girls are. But growing up in a house hold that rules were made even before you are born must be even harder than anything in the world, maybe they should have waited for me, maybe they should have waited just a little longer, but how could they have known, i was not in the plans, i was not supposed to be there, but there i came. My name is Lara Liam, the last born of the family that had no plans for me, grew up without a father, which seemed unfair especially when all my sisters talk about him and the experiences they had. I felt as if i was deprived of that feeling, the feeling of being loved by a man, the feeling of being hold by the man who was supposed to love me more than any man, Yes i grew up angry, angry with the world, angry with my father, angry with myself and angry with God. Not with my mother though, I loved her more than i could ever love anyone in the world, she went through hell in the hands of wrong men and wrong people and even wrong family and i wanted to be the man that she needed, the family she always wanted, I wanted to give her the world, for she was my world.
After high school, i was not sure what to do even though i use to model even when i was back in school, that was not the path i wanted to walk down in. I wanted a career that would earn me respect, well that does not mean that modeling does not earn people respect but if we are since with one another we all know what models go through and the fact that we are not saying it out loud does not mean that it does not happen. Well since we are speaking about all honesty, i think all careers are the same, and everyone knows it. A lot of people say that i sound and act like a mature person even for my age, well that's because it is, I had to grow up early because i could not afford to be young even when i was young. There was a time that i had admired my sisters lives but, the more i grew up i realised how shitty there lives were and i had no plans of being like them, i wanted to be different, i wanted to be unstoppable, i wanted to make the wind move and bend as per my wish, i wanted to pave put of the cycle and show them that they could, I know they also went through hell and maybe they felt that no one was there for them, but guess how i felt, i felt dismissed by them, because apparently they have seen it all, they have experienced it all, but what about me, this was my first life i knew nothing and i needed them to hold my hand and not dismiss me, but that made me want even more. I wanted to be above men, I wanted to prove myself to the world so that no man can ever say that "she is nothing without me" because they could not and followed the rules that were apparently set but the norms of the world but i will not, I will move and i will break everything and everyone that is in my way until i reach where i want, even if i was going to lose myself in the end, And the price was huge, very huge. I had to lock away the part of me that yarned to be loved, to be cared for, to be held and to be told that every thing is going to be fine, i traumatized the inner child of me just to push forward, and sometimes i see her, how sad she is, how much she wishes we could just accept and heal, because the truth of the matter is that i needed help but it was no where to be found. But i guess even if i was warned i would still walk down that road again, because giving up was never part of the plan, atleast not for me.
For a moment i fell in love, no one told me that love could break down even the strongest of soldiers, and for a moment it almost did, and i was willing to let my guard down, wait i did let my guard. I was young and stupid and he showed me the world until one day he was no longer there, just like the fragrance of a rose flower that you did not get to keep for so long. I felt lost, I did not even recognize myself, the lady i had become, and world stated crumbling down, its as if i had forgotten all the vows i had made to myself. I had no interest in life, everything felt exhausting, I did promise to find him one day, not as the silly stupid girl that was in love but a woman who is on her own thrown. And lucky me, i picked myself up like how i always do and decided to focus on the initial plan. finished my diploma and moved to a new city to start afresh, and thats what i did. Well life was not easy all by myself, but maybe all that was because i had not heal and i do not think if i ever will. I was carrying so much weight and dreams that sometimes felt to far, very far. And even though giving up was not an option this time it had to. But i was not about to lose so since i could not make it in a new city then i guess we just gonna have to try a new country then, and thats where my whole story begun.