Eiji's eyes fluttered open to birds chirping sweetly outside his dorm window. Sunlight poured in through the blinds like a divine spotlight, warm and almost suspiciously cheerful. He blinked. Once. Twice.
"...Am I dead?" He sat up slowly, taking in the peacefulness of the scene—the gentle sway of the curtains, the perfectly made bed (which, weirdly, he never made), and the inexplicably fresh scent of lavender in the air.
He looked down at his body. No wounds. No burns. No bruises. Not even a single paper cut. "I knew it. I died. I died and went to heaven."There's no way I would have survived something like that. He raised his hands, half-expecting to see them glowing.
"I always thought heaven would have more boobs, but I'll take it."
Then, just as he was about to bask in his divine reward, a chilling voice echoed, and a door opened, and there was Miya.
"You are awake, huh? You pass out from just a little lightning pressure, pathetic. And here I am. I'm surprised someone like you possesses Arknexus gear. Pathetic.
" He screamed like a goat being exorcised. "NO! SHE'S IN MY ROOM! There's no way Miya would come to my place; this is a dream.
I should see whether it's a dream or not. Miya said I can help you with that, and then she slaps him hard. "Aaaugh!" he flinched despite nothing happening. He patted himself down frantically. "W-Where's the taser?! I felt it!"
Now you are so ready, the president has summoned us. One breath in. Click. He opened the door—— and found a bright yellow Post-it note stuck inside the refrigerator panel. "I didn't kill you. Be grateful. – Ayaka " Eiji let out the world's most fragile squeak and fell backward. "She's terrifying. I am thankful I get to live." He lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling with the thousand-yard stare of someone who had just survived a supernatural drive-by. "Wow, she is one heck of a mystery...? I thought she was a significant sis type, but I didn't know she was terrific yesterday. But above all, she's hot. She had a beautiful face and a great figure rivaling even Seraphina's. The birds outside chirped again. Cheerfully. Mockingly. He slowly dragged himself back to bed, curled up like a shrimp, and stared at the closet door like it would sprout legs and come after him. "She lives rent-free in my nightmares..." he muttered, eyes hollow. Then, his gaze drifted to the closet again. "...and my closet." Eiji strode confidently into school, backpack slung over one shoulder, his usual smirk ready to charm or annoy anyone in a ten-meter radius. Birds chirped. The sun shone. He felt good until he took his first step into the main hallway. Every head turned. Girls gasped. Boys smirked. Someone in the distance dropped their juice box. And then came the whispers. "That's him." "The guy who peeked at Ayaka while she was bathing." "They say he came back from the dead... smiling." "Must've liked it." Eiji froze. "…Excuse me?" A trio of girls passed by, all giggling and whispering behind their hands. "Kyaa~ It's the bath-peeking devil~" "Pervert." "Lucky bastard." "Wait, is he into that pain stuff? Because Ayaka doesn't hold back." Eiji blinked rapidly, trying to reboot mentally. "W-What the hell are you people talking about?! I didn't peek at anyone! I was in my room! Meditating! Healing my trauma!" A group of guys cornered him like paparazzi swarming a celebrity. "Dude, respect." "How did you survive the Vice Prez Bath Incident?" "Teach us your ways, oh Great Pervert Master." "I heard you saw her naked and lived to tell the tale." "Do you have pictures?!" Eiji's soul visibly left his body for a moment. "What pictures?! There were no baths! No nudity! No voyeurism! Just suffering! Pure, high-grade, concentrated suffering!" He stormed forward, determined to find the source of this blasphemy. That was when Miya popped out from behind a corner like a comedy assassin, sipping bubble tea like this was her drama channel. "Well, if it isn't the Masochist King himself." Eiji growled. "Miya, tell them I didn't peek!" She shrugged. "I tried. But the rumor's already evolved. Some people are saying you moaned her name in your sleep." "I choked in my sleep!" "On what, Eiji?" she said sweetly, tilting her head. He turned bright red. "OH COME ON!" Miya patted his back with a grin that was half-evil, half-proud. "Congrats. You're now the official pervert of the school masochism club. They're probably printing your membership card as we speak." "I wanted to be a cool devil king," Eiji mumbled in despair. "Not the dominatrix-damaged mascot..." Someone ran by and whispered, "Ayaka left a mark on his back, I heard! Wanna see?" Another voice added, "She used her bare hands! Legendary!" Someone even clapped. Eiji screamed internally as he slumped against a locker, hands covering his face. This wasn't high school. This was hell in a uniform. And the worst part? He still had a second period with Ayaka. Maybe death was better after all. The Student Council Room at the Research Club looked unusually ominous that afternoon. The lights were dimmed. A large corkboard loomed behind Seraphina's throne-like chair, covered in colored string and glittery push pins. Eiji stepped in cautiously, only to feel a sudden gust of dramatic tension slap him across the face like a telenovela opening scene. "Welcome," Seraphina purred, steepling her fingers like a villainess who had read one too many strategy manga. "To the first-ever Council Combat Cup." Ayaka folded her arms, already annoyed. "This again?" Miya munched a spicy rice cracker. "Oh, good. Last time, we nearly destroyed the vending machine wing." Eiji raised a hand. "Sorry—what is the Combat Cup?" Seraphina clapped her hands, and the corkboard dramatically rotated (with creaky reluctance) to reveal a colorful bracket chart and glittery headers like "Conquest of the Bathhouse" and "Kitchen Control Zone." "It's simple," she declared. "Teams will be formed. Challenges will be issued. Facilities will be earned. The winners get power, privilege, and priority on the snack list." Miya raised an eyebrow. "So we're fighting… for menu rights?" "And dorm territories," Seraphina added. "No more cold showers for the weak." "I take back my sarcasm. I'm in." Ayaka sighed but nodded. "If it brings order to this ridiculous school, fine." Then Seraphina turned to Eiji. "And you, my unlucky devil spawn, will lead Team Misfit Mob." Eiji stared blankly. "Why am I always chosen for things I didn't apply for?!" Seraphina's smile was angelic in the most unholy way. "Because chaos loves you." The room went silent. Eiji looked at the board again and groaned. Team Law & Order was a militant dream team led by Ayaka and backed by the Discipline Committee's elite—a guy who spoke only in citations and a girl whose glare could detain souls. Team Hot & Cold, headed by Miya, boasted a fierce aesthetic battle squad. Members included a tsundere who attacked with snowballs and a tan girl who weaponized chili paste. And then there was… Team Misfit Mob. Eiji. A guy who meowed instead of talking and sometimes licked his hand mid-sentence. A literal slime girl who couldn't sit on chairs without leaving puddles. And someone named "Greg" who refused to reveal his face or species. "What the hell is this lineup?!" Eiji shouted. "Are we a team or a circus act?!" "They're passionate," Seraphina said serenely. "And legally enrolled." Miya smirked. "At least you've got the wildcard advantage. That slime girl beat up a soda machine once." Eiji groaned and slammed his forehead against the table. "I wanted to be feared. Respected. Maybe have my dramatic cape." Ayaka adjusted her gloves. "You'll get your cape if you survive." Seraphina stood, raising a glitter-coated pointer. "Let the Combat Cup begin!" As the others filed out, Eiji muttered, "Lunatics surround me…" The slime girl squelched beside him. "Hi, Captain ~!" "…and now I'm their leader." Club Changing Rooms – Chaos Commences. The scent of freshly laundered uniforms and faint ozone filled the changing room. Eiji blinked at the garment hanging in front of him. "This is my... battle uniform?" he asked flatly. It looked like a cross between a gym jacket and a tactical cosplay, with glowing seams and a suspicious lack of zippers. A tiny tag read: 'Emotionally Reactive Enchantment: Use responsibly.' He stared at it, then at Seraphina, overseeing the fitting like a fashion show judge. "This is cursed," he muttered. RIP! His sleeve tore open without warning. "What the hell?! I didn't even move!" Seraphina scribbled a note on her clipboard. Reactive to complaints. Try not to whine so much." Eiji gritted his teeth. "I AM NOT—!" RIP. Both pant legs tore off. His face turned ghostly white. "This is a setup," he hissed, covering his legs with the remnants of his pride. Meanwhile, Ayaka stood nearby, arms crossed, fully armored in what looked like enchanted black plating—like a sci-fi knight. "Don't look at me," she grunted. "My suit works fine." Then Eiji smiled. "Hey, Vice Prez~ that armor suits your dominatrix vibe—" She twitched. FLASH. Her armor blinked and transformed instantly into a skin-tight swimsuit variant, barely covering her thighs and clinging to her figure like a second skin. Eiji blinked. Ayaka blinked. They both screamed. "You—!! DON'T LOOK!!" she shrieked, fists glowing with lightning. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING—!!" Eiji dove behind a bench. Ayaka quickly forced her blush down, and her armor snapped back into its heavy form like a defensive turtle. She coughed and faced the wall. Miya examined her outfit from the corner—an elegant blue and white coat with crystalline trim. It was cool, classy, and untouchable. That is… until Eiji peeked over. "I didn't know you did cosplay. Is this the Ice Queen Limited Edition?" Her eye twitched. The coat shimmered... and suddenly transformed into a sleeveless crop top and mini shorts. "...You're dead." Whoosh! A sheet of ice blew through the room as Miya cast a hasty freeze spell over herself, forcibly reconstructing the turtleneck from icicles. "Fixed," she muttered coldly. Eiji tried not to laugh. Then his jacket pulsed. BOOM. With a flash of pink light, the enchantment backfired. His entire outfit vanished, replaced by a magical heart-themed apron. "WHAT IN THE MAGICAL GIRL HELL—?!" A surge of pink energy immediately launched him across the room. His body slammed into the lockers with a cartoonish clang, his legs twitching. From her corner, Seraphina adjusted her glasses calmly. "Note: Subject 003 reacts poorly to romantic magic triggers." As Eiji lay upside-down, apron fluttering, he groaned. "This isn't a battle... this is underwear roulette..." Ayaka was red. Miya was frozen. The clubroom was in chaos. And the tournament hadn't even started. The gymnasium had been transformed into something between a sports arena and a magical disaster zone. Colored lights spun wildly overhead. A dramatic banner read, "Council Combat Cup: Round One – DODGEBALL OF DOOM!" A fog machine hissed for no apparent reason. Eiji stood with his ragtag Team Misfit Mob, wearing matching red headbands and fear. "Remember the rules!" Seraphina's voice echoed from the announcer booth, flanked by Miya eating popcorn and a sparkly microphone. "If you're hit, you face a dare from the Punishment Box! Also, no killing, dismemberment, or reality warping! Looking at you, Ayaka." Standing across the court with Team Law & Order, Ayaka narrowed her eyes. "I don't plan on using lightning…" "Accidents count!" Seraphina said sweetly. "Oops," Ayaka replied flatly. Eiji gulped. His teammates included Meow-kun, currently licking his wrist; Slimeko, jiggling with excitement; and Greg, just… standing ominously. The whistle blew. CHAOS. INSTANT CHAOS. Magic dodgeballs hurled through the air—some whistled, some exploded in glitter, and one mooed for some reason. Eiji tried to dodge to the left. Got hit. "Eiji Kuroryuu! To the Punishment Box!" Seraphina's voice boomed. He staggered over to a shimmering treasure chest. Miya plucked a card. "Confess fake love to the scariest person in the room." Ayaka turned slowly toward him, aura already humming. Eiji bowed dramatically. "Ayaka, I've loved you since you nearly killed me." "…Idiot," she muttered, flinging another ball with terrifying force. WHACK. Hit again. "Punishment Box!" Miya chimed cheerfully. "Maid headband!" Eiji now wore pink frills. Meow-kun purred approvingly. WHACK. Another hit. "Chicken dance. Center court." He flapped. He clucked. He died inside. Balls flew like meteors. Slimeko bounced around, absorbing attacks. Greg levitated for a second. Meow-kun swiped a ball out of mid-air with his claws. Eiji? Hit again. Glitter now coated his entire body like cursed pixie dust. Meanwhile, Ayaka unleashed a glowing dodgeball with very legal and not lightning-enhanced energy. It exploded like a mini thunderstorm, sending three opponents into orbit. "That was static electricity," she insisted. Finally, all hope seemed lost. Only Eiji remained for Team Misfit. Across the gym, Ayaka readied her final throw. Eiji inhaled. Time slowed. The ball spiraled toward him like fate itself. He stepped forward. Eyes narrowed. CATCH. The arena went silent. Then, cheering erupted. Confetti cannons exploded. Seraphina fired off streamers from a wand. Victory music soared through the speakers. "I… did it," Eiji whispered. "I'm not a joke anymore!" And then— BOOM. The glitter ball detonated in his face. Eiji collapsed backward like a majestic, sparkling corpse. "…Team Misfit wins!" Seraphina declared. "And Eiji gains +10 to trauma resistance!" Ayaka shook her head. "That was not an accident." Eiji lay twitching in the glitter, a crown of sparkles on his head, as Meow-kun curled beside him. This was his life now. He won. But at what cost? Eiji strolled down the dorm hallway, blissfully unaware of the ticking social time bomb that had detonated overnight. That was until he reached the dorm bulletin board and saw the headline: "COUNCIL COMBAT MEME RECAP – DODGEBALL OF DOOM EDITION (Now Streaming in 4K)." His heart dropped. Click. The TV monitor above the board flickered on. Music blared. 🎵 "Never Gonna Give You Up" – Rick Astley 🎵 The video began with a slow-motion montage of Eiji getting hit by five dodgeballs in succession, set to increasingly dramatic zoom-ins of his shocked face. Then came the chicken dance. Multiple angles. Close-ups. One clip had looping sound effects of clucking. Another had him edited into a coop surrounded by actual chickens, with Ayaka photoshopped in as a disapproving farmer. He screamed internally. A group of girls watching nearby giggled. "Look! He even flaps like a real bird~ "He's kinda cute when panicking." "Perverted and meme-able. Truly a modern hero." Eiji turned and slammed his forehead against a locker. "This is a nightmare… a sparkly, glitter-coated nightmare…" Just then, Ayaka passed by, arms crossed, face unreadable. One student turned and asked, "Ayaka-senpai, was that a blush during the love confession scene?" Ayaka froze mid-step. "...No." "It looked like a blush." "Static reaction," she snapped. Eiji peeked up. "Static can't make you flustered." Ayaka glared. "Wanna test that theory with a taser?" He went back to hugging the locker. At the crowd's edge, Miya stood quietly, bubble tea in hand, watching the chaos unfold with the calm satisfaction of someone who'd just seen their fanfiction come to life. She didn't say anything—just smirked and sipped. Far above, on the upper floor of the Student Council building, Seraphina watched the same video alone on her tablet. The lights were off. Her face was lit only by the glow of Eiji's clucking. She paused the video as Eiji caught the glitter bomb ball and exploded into sparkles. Her lips curled slightly. "Let's see how long you can keep laughing, Eiji," she whispered.
"This is only the beginning." Back downstairs, Eiji finally dragged himself to his locker, praying for a break from divine comedy and public humiliation. He opened it. A single pink Post-it note fluttered out and landed in his palm. "Next match: Swimsuit Sumo Wrestling.
Good luck. ♥ – Seraphina." He stared at it. Then stared at the wall. Then, he stared at his reflection in the locker mirror. "I'm going to die in swim trunks," he whispered. "This is how the devil king falls... in front of a crowd... on a slippery mat... against possibly Ayaka in a bikini." The hallway echoed with laughter, clucks, and one guy doing the chicken dance as a tribute. Eiji slowly closed his locker. And considered transferring schools.
Chapter Ends...