I am fine.
I am okay.
Like a mantra I keep chanting these words while dragging my feet to the vintage resturant which Ethan has decided is the best place to have our farewell dinner party. My feet refuse to move but as if I have returned to my infant years I plead with them to just take one step in front of the other while hoping I don't stumble.
The Delacruz family has owned this tiny yet spacious vintage eatery for over ten years now and my friends and I come here every third week of the month just to catch up and enjoy their down to earth homey dishes. This place is like my second home, I am safe here and the family has shown nothing but love and kindness to me and my friends.I am okay here..but why do I suddenly feel like I'm bringing myself to the alter as an offering?..
As we approach the building my heart feels like its sinking, I can feel my lungs constrict and it feels as if everything around me is caving in.I try the best I can to breathe in and out and focus on calming my raging heart but no matter what I do I can't help but feel like death is at my door and the grim reaper is coming for me.
"Do people ever die from a heart break?"..
The moment we walked into Delacruz restaurant Jackson chose the chair away from mine and between us is Ethan and his girlfriend Michaela. They are busy chatting while I could barely hold back my tears that threaten to fall and embarrass me in front of the one person I don't want to see me cry.
"Okay everyone.."
A few moments into my wondering mind I am awoken by the sound of a small metal being hit againts glass. I lift my eyes and pin them on Ethan who must have stood somewhere between my other world explorations and appears to be ready to make a speech and thus signaling for everyone to quiet down I take a quick sip of my water and try my best to spare him a minute..
"As we all know today is the last day that we would all be hanging out together. It's been an awesome journey having to work with all of you.In the beginning when I started I had no one willing to take on this project because they said it was very risky and I had no particular budget but still had to get some of you to work with me in hopes that this project will turn out great was the only deal I could put on the table and most of you listened and gave this old man some face and chose to work with me. Thank you very much to all of you, from four in the morning to one in the middle of the night we have been working tirelessly and finally we are done.
Most importantly I want to take this time to thank my most beautiful friend Eian. He is the one who started this project with me. He also contributed largely as one of the sponsors of this project and without him agreeing to be the face of one of the main leads that I desperately needed it would've been a hard time to get the right staff and everything that we needed for this series. As you all know from the very beginning we had Jackson as our main and we tried to cast a few people for Eian's role but we found none that matched the charachter we were searching for.
Even after having to sponsor the show I had to be shameless yet again and go back and beg my friend so that he can fill in the gap. He is a new actor and Jackson is also new with experience as a musician but the two of them pulled through workshops, video calls ,meeting with me outside work hours just to learn and be the best Zack and Eden. All of it has amounted to this day, so thank you very much to everyone of you. If I get another project then I will call back the team to assemble. Thank you."
While the team at the table applauds for Ethan he kicks my chair before sitting down but my eyes ignore him and quickly jump to Jackson who is already starring at me as if to ask which one of us will go after Ethan..seeing my disheveled state he gives me a quick nod before standing up and facing the already awaiting group of individuals.. my throat is burning. Hot tears char my eyes like lava just waiting to pour out but I force them back in..
"Hello everyone. Again. First I want to thank Ethan for scouting me, It is actually a bit funny that I accepted this role with no prior training as an actor and we also did not have my co actor but we all worked hard together through interviews and eventually Eian came along. I'm very gratefull to Ethan for opening this door for me and giving me this opportunity.In the future if he ever has a new project I'll be willing to work with this team again.Most importantly I want to thank my partner Eian."Jackson turns too look at me ..
Oh I am the "most importantly" he wants to thank ..
"First of all, Eian is a very kind man. When I first met him I really did think that he would act like my father or older brother because of our age gap. There were some workshops that we had to do and I had to go over to his place and he would not let me get into his house and at that time I was wondering what the problem was but later found out it was because he was very considerate of me and my image in society as an artist. He respected me, respected my work and also took care of me without having to bring up our age and just allowing me to adapt to him as co partner. Thank you.. for being my everything during this whole time. Next project I'll definitely be taking care of you. Thank you all once again for such a great experience".
How am I supposed to beat that?!(°_°)
After clearing my throat and gulping down half of the water in my glass I finally stand and hope my voice doesnt tremble..
"First of all I want to thank God for making me beautiful" I Start ..
...
After silent chuckles and quite laughter the room invites silence yet again back to our table allowing me to continue my speech..
"It has indeed been a long journey. We had workshops for the whole year and also shooting the series.This has been my life. Sometimes when I see some workout routine, it says you only need one month or thirty days to make it a lifestyle but I had a whole year with this team, a whole year with Jackson. This series has now become a part of my life and I don't know how I have to face tomorrow. Of course I will have to learn how to face tomorrow but in this moment I don't know how to. I remember when Ethan came to me and said I would be really great for this role. I literally laughed at his face because I could not imagne doing it but he said and I quote while mimicking Ethan's raspy deep voice..
"well you are a great lawyer and you stand in front of a lot of people a lot of times so you are already used to lots of eyes starring at you work, the only thing we need to do is shimmy your acting skills and you will be ready to go!"..
I eventually accepted the role not having an idea of what was going to happen but now I'm happy I have come this far.Jackson has also come very far , from the moment I met him I had to fall in love with him-I was slightly shocked that I have to fall in love with a kid!?he is soo young and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to do that without thinking about our age gap.
I eventually had to cancel his age and face him as just my co actor after a few workshops because of how professional he was. He is surprisingly a lot mature than I had ever thought he was. He is very professional and is one determined young man who made sure to take time to teach me some acting tricks he learnt online and always stayed respectfull even when he didn't agree with me. Ethan ,Jackson ..the whole team. You have been my life this whole time or Ethan for longer because he's always been my best friend, but everybody else for this whole one year you have all been my new life. I hope that we continue to meet and we all get a chance to work together again. Thank you very much to all of you. You have all made me the person I am today. Jackson thank you for being my Zach I could never have ever asked for anyone better.. thank you all. Infact Ethan was going to pay but I will treat everyone to this final meal. Thank you."
I hear Ethan hollering in the background -of course he is the happiest.
"If you'll excuse me now I'll go to the bathroom quickly, I'll be back"..
I say before heading off to the bathroom feeling my eyes loose their battle against my tears .I hope no one noticed ...