When Benjamin woke up, it was still dark. After tossing and turning for two and a half hours, in a semi-awake state, he finally found the willpower to rise out of his slumber. He got up to find Mrs. Harry, reading a book beside him.
'Good. You're awake' she commented, then proceeded to shut the book and take off her reading glasses.
A lamp illuminated the room, it revealed all the cracks and crevices age had dealt her face, leaving an eerie glow on old Ann's face.
'How long have you been there?' Benjamin asked, touched.
'About half an hour ago. I came when I heard you scream.' She answered.
Benjamin could almost remember his dream. It was from his childhood, hidden, buried somewhere deep within the recesses of his memories. He tried his best but his head felt foggy so he decided to drop it.
'I guess I was having a nightmare' was all he could surmise.
'How are you feeling now?'
'Much better. Thanks.' Benjamin shuffled in the bed, the thought of spending the night at home appalled him.
'Actually, there's another reason I'm here' The librarian decided that the fate of their town was more important than Benjamin's personal crisis, so she took advantage of the opportunity that had presented itself and asked Benjamin for his support.
'Benjamin. What I'm about to tell you will alter the way you see the world forever'
Her sudden sobriety startled Benjamin. He gazed at the violet eyes before him, their depths seemed to open to him and he was nearly lost when her voice came again
'But it's up to you. You get to decide if you will accept my offer or not' In a moment of doubt uncertainty flickered over the librarian's eyes, but she steeled herself and spoke. There was no turning back from that point.
'A very long time ago, there was a great war. One of the Called, a powerful one, betrayed the Almighty.'
'I'm sorry, the called?'
'Yes. The Called are a class of celestial beings that serve the Almighty directly, they have been empowered by Him to carry out His decrees. The war was a long one, fought at first with trickery, deceit and subterfuge but when they tried to recruit Black, a Portal Lord to their ranks, he uncovered the treachery and an all-out battle ensued. Our great King, the Almighty won the battle and captured the dissenters. They were sentenced to the Abyss, a place of horrors. But some were able to escape. They defied the decrees of the Almighty yet again and fled to this and other planes. Black stood up to the task yet again and suggested the current system of Portal Lords. The Almighty heeded him and granted him the authority of the first Portal Lord. Others with the ability to create portals, known as portal makers were sent to the areas where these rebels found refuge to restore order and to establish a system of communication and transport with the Ancient City, Legandanl. My father was one of them, he made the portal that exists between this plane and the Ancient city and when he was done, he left me to guard this portal. But I made a grave mistake. I broke a law and now, I am serving out my sentence. The portal Lords have inflicted a punishment on me which leaves me in this weakened state. We are vulnerable and exposed this way, the enemy has recognized my weakness and decided to attack'
Benjamin who had listened quietly to her up till this point, began to get restless, he could feel the weight of responsibility hover around him.
'Yes, but what has that got to do with me?' He finally asked, unable to keep it in.
'You're our only hope. If you take on the position of Portal Lord, the sentence I am serving won't have any effect on you and you will be able to harness the full ability of a Portal Lord.'
'I'm sorry, I have to go,' Benjamin suddenly responded, avoiding Mrs Harry's gaze as he was unable to give a straight answer in the heat of the moment.
'Just think about it. We need you Benjamin' She said then left, pressing the issue no further.
Benjamin lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what to believe. Her facial expressions were serious enough so she didn't seem to be joking and what she said seemed to be in line with the memories he had suddenly reawakened, but he couldn't decide yet. Not until he knew what exactly was going on at home. Not until he knew who exactly he was.
Benjamin left the library soon after that. He decided not to go home. Instead, he went over to the abandoned house that had taken Suzy and her fiancée's lives. He decided to give them a respectable burial. It was the least he could do. As he walked the path on the other side of the river, he wondered if this was the right call. He wondered if he could carry their bodies and bury them. He wondered if it wasn't better to inform someone else about this and let them handle it. But he decided this was for the best. Involving someone else may result in a gruesome investigation for something that was an accident. Amber would be forced to recount the incident and he could think of nothing worse. Besides, they were strangers, foreigners in the town. No one really knew them and though they would be missed for a few weeks or a month, the town would adapt as it always did whenever someone vanished. He remembered the location of the shovel he had seen in the house and mentally tried to picture a good place to bury them.
When he got to the clearing where they had their picnic, he paused subconsciously, he wished the day had ended there and cursed that blasted rain before continuing on. He finally reached the house, now truly hunted to him. And got inside. He steeled himself and prepared mentally to meet with the sight of yesterday but when he got there, he saw nothing. Someone else had been there before him and had moved the bodies. Benjamin walked to the backyard and saw a mound of freshly dug earth. They were probably buried there, together at last, in death. He had the humourless thought.
As he stood, staring at the grave, a hand brushed his left shoulder, immediately he felt a mind-wrenching pain in his head, as though his skull was being ripped open. Time seemed to slow down and a second lasted hours, he felt the pain searing in his head, travelling down his body, paralyzing him. He screamed in shock and pain, then fainted.
When he came to, it was to the sound of his name.
'Benjamin. Benjamin!'
He got up slowly, sand was still in his hair.
'I'm sorry I startled you like that but it was the only way I could reach you. Yesterday, you wouldn't even let me touch you.' It was his father, looking down on him. He extended an arm which Benjamin took and helped him up. Mr. Steven took a few steps away, as Benjamin tried to process what just happened to him.
'The mind is so fascinating, memory is an integral part of consciousness, are you aware?' He stopped speaking and turned to his son.
'Who you are now, is vastly different from who you have been the past few… years, really' he said then continued to muse about the complexity of the human mind.
Benjamin could feel the chance. His memories, his experiences defined him and up till now, chunks of his memories had been missing. He always wondered why, now he knew. He knew who he really was and he had an answer for Mrs. Harry.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Amber couldn't go to the library, she couldn't bear to see the place, the memories of Suzy were too vivid, but she needed to see Benjamin. He was the only one who knew, who could understand. She felt herself drawn to him by their shared experience so she went to his house. She knocked on the door of the humble home and a tiny voice answered from within.
'You're back already?'
It was Benjamin's brother but Suzy couldn't remember his name. The door creaked open and big brown eyes stared at her.
'No, I'm sorry. I'm looking for Benjamin. Is he in?'
'No he isn't.' He replied curtly. His brows furrowed in his effort to remember her name.
'Suzy' he finally guessed. Amber felt her heart stop.
'No, I'm Amber. Do you know where he is?' She asked in a controlled voice.
'No idea. But try the library, he goes there a lot' His brother responded. She was afraid he might say that. Amber had made her way to his house in the early hours of the morning in order to avoid going to the library. The fact that he wasn't home so early meant he may not have spent the night at home.
'He didn't spend the night at home?' She asked.
'No, and like I said, the library's the only place I can think of.' His reply came as he slowly shut the door, obviously, he had been told not to let strangers in. 'Goodbye', he added courteously.
Amber couldn't go to the library but she needed to see Benjamin. She thought about what to do. Wait outside his home? She might have to wait all day. Wait outside the library then? That was a better alternative, he was sure to show up there sooner or later.
As she turned to leave, she saw a lanky figure close in on her, in the darkness and fog of the early morning, she couldn't make out who it was, but as he drew closer, she recognized his gait. It was Benjamin. As soon as she recognized him, she ran to him and hugged him tightly. Her behaviour was completely irrational. Why? Perhaps it was an after-effect of the shock of the previous day, or perhaps it due to was his intention to protect her which she recognized after spending most of the night and the early hours of the day considering his actions in that dark moment, or maybe it was because, over the course of the past few months, she had been slowly, unconsciously falling for him.
Benjamin reacted very differently from how Amber imagined he would. Firstly, his arms lay stiff by his sides for the first moments, then only moved to unravel her embrace and hold her at arm's length. Secondly, his gaze was different, more focused than it usually was, and Amber noticed for the first time in a long while the piercing intensity of his yellow eyes. Lastly, when he spoke, it was like he was a different person.
'You go on ahead, I have to speak to her' Amber glanced around at those words. They hadn't been addressed to her. Only then did she notice his father behind her. She greeted him flustered, and he responded with a slight smile and a nod. Benjamin held her hand and they walked a little distance from the house, beside a small shrubbery and Amber could not help but feel flustered beside herself.
'Are you alright?' She asked him. Perceptive as ever, Amber realized something was definitely wrong with him but couldn't be sure what.
'I'm fine. About yesterday, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I didn't mean for things to turn out the way they did'
'I know.' Amber replied softly. 'It's not your fault' her gaze dropped to her feet.
'Did you tell anyone?' He asked, searching her face.
'No, I can't talk to anyone about this. Ophelia thinks Suzy is bad news and -' Amber stopped herself before she mentioned something about Pearl to Benjamin.
'You're the only one I can talk to. That's why I needed to see you,' she spoke almost imploringly.
'That's good, no one needs to know. We'll keep this between just the two of us.' He said.
'But what about the bodies?' An image flashed through her mind of rotting, decaying flesh, left exposed to the elements. She felt weak but Benjamin's hand which still held hers steadied her.
'I'll take care of it. I promise. I just don't want you getting involved okay? it had nothing to do with you.' Amber remembered the way he held her the previous day and told her not to look. He was doing the same thing again. Trying to protect her from the unfortunate reality they had found themselves in. Amber smiled sadly at their joined hands, he wasn't strong enough yesterday, but she appreciated the thought. She wondered if he would allow her to support him rather than cower behind him.
'There's something I want to give you' He suddenly said. Amber looked up and saw in his other hand, the very journal that he had been so evasive about just a day before. She took it from him with a searching gaze, trying to read him, looking for any sort of emotion on his face, in his eyes but she saw nothing. Whatever his reasons or intentions were, she wouldn't be able to tell this way. So she tried another way, a more direct way.
'Why?'
'It's safer with you.'
'Why didn't you give me before? Why now?'
Once again, his actions misaligned with the character of Benjamin she had known so far. Benjamin wasn't this bold or brash. He didn't make these sorts of decisions in the heat of the moment and he wasn't so fickle as to change his mind over an issue he deemed weighty in such a short period of time as a single day.
Sentiments had momentarily blunted her initial scepticism but it came back in full force. Benjamin was acting strange.
His irritation showed and his brow arched as though to ask the silent question 'Do you want it or not?', but he controlled himself and answered.
'Because of yesterday. With everything that's been happening, there's no point keeping this hidden from you.'
He sighed heavily and somehow, Amber knew she was seeing the real Benjamin, he wasn't posing to impress her and he wasn't suppressing his emotions. For the first time she could see a sliver of what he was going through, how he really felt, Benjamin was truly exhausted. Softened by this realization and aware of her inability to support him and bear his burden, she decided to encourage him with a hug but he saw her coming and stopped her embrace, then went into his house.