It's that time... The time when I finally realized what I felt for her, I was such a fool for not realizing it earlier.
'Are you saying you love me?'
'Yes, Marcelle, I love you. I don't know why I couldn't say it, I've never felt love or received love before, because of my inexperience– I almost ruined the relationship that I'd built with you, I'm sorry Marcelle, I don't know why I'm like this, I swear I love you, I love you, I really do lo-'
It's a dream, I know it's a dream, but I can still feel the warmth of her body as she hugs me, stopping me from talking and kissing me.
'I love you too Edward.' she says to me as she caresses my cheek, her sweet voice soothing my soul, healing my heart from sorrow.
Tears roll down her sunken cheeks as she declares her love for me again and again and kisses me dearly.
____________________
I jolt as I open my eyes suddenly, halting my sleep.
Huff Huff
My breathing is heavy and beads of sweat fill my forehead.
It's that dream again, Marcelle...
I clean the tears that are rolling down my eyes.
I stare at the ceiling of my room, my heart feels heavy, it feels like I've lost something.
This dream keeps haunting me.
I shake my head.
I glance around the room, trying to forget the feeling in my heart.
The people in this house are very odd, I was born in this room, and it seems like it's this room I'll keep living in, I haven't even seen my family, I have no idea what they look like, I've only been seeing maids.
It's been a month since I was reborn into this family as a baby.
During my time here, I've known a tiny little bit of where I am, and my name.
And the person I learned them from...
"Oh, Charlie! You're awake my #cutie patootie#!"
Is her– Jennette, my Nanny. She's a bit...
"Oh- how #cute# you are!" She squeezes my cheeks and kisses my nose.
...Bubbly, she's a bright and cheerful girl in her twenties, her neat brown hair and refined steps sometimes create an air of elegance around her, I always wonder if she's truly a maid.
But all that elegance deflates whenever she's around me.
She lifts me from the cradle made of wood and foam where I sleep and hugs me tightly.
"I was #just about# to wake you! It's time for breakfast, abububu!"
She keeps playing with me, even when I don't get excited like other babies or laugh and giggle.
"Okay, I made pudding! So eat up!"
Her voice is loud and filled with excitement and she beams brightly.
Haaaah.
Pudding again... How bizarre, I never thought there would be a day when I would die and get reborn as a baby being forced to eat pudding every single day. She only gives me milk in the afternoons, when the sun is hot, I don't know why.
I force myself to eat the pudding she feeds me, it tastes so bad but I grimace and still swallow it because I have no teeth.
Originally, I planned not to eat anything and just die of starvation, but.. this girl, she keeps forcing me...
"Yay! You ate #two spoons today#! That's good Charlie!"
During the one month I've spent around her, I've learned the language of this place to a certain degree, but I don't know some words– no, many words.
The language is surprisingly similar to Mandarin so it was easy for me to pick up some of it.
But something that I'm not used to is the name she calls me. 'Charlie', it's the new name given to me by my Father as I was reborn, and of course, I still don't know what he looks like.
Haaaah
The reality of my situation sinks in again.
I'm no longer Edward Walters, the big-shot businessman, Expert Physicist and Millionaire. I'm now Charles Liam and I don't know the last name, but it's something along the lines of #Flameworth#.
It's been horrible. For the past month, I've been having the same dream of Marcelle that keeps haunting me. I've been stuck in this room, eating, pooping, drinking, doing nothing, getting used to my new name, trying to understand the language and gathering some basic information about my family.
Being a baby is tough, I respect babies now.
"Okay, All done!"
She says as she cleans me up, changes the pooped-filled clothing wrapped around my bum and...
I pooped on myself, I'm ashamed of it– yes, but it's not something I can control as I'm a baby, but still, I can never get used to it.
She then wears me fresh new baby clothes, drops me back in my cradle and gives me a few wooden toys.
"You can #play# with #them#, I have to go #continue# my #research#"
She flashes a bright smile on her face as she pats my head.
She goes on to the small wooden table about ten steps away from my cradle where she always neatly stacked some books and papers.
She sits down on her wooden chair, focusing and writing on the papers on her wooden table, writing with a quill and ink.
A maid? That can't be right.
As she focuses on writing and reading, she doesn't give off the vibe of a maid, she looks like an eloquent lady who has experience in multiple fields.
I turn my focus away from her and close my eyes.
Drawing from the various facts that I've gathered, I've arrived at two possible conclusions:
One: I was reborn in the past, to a time like the Victorian era or a more medieval time in a family in England. Based on the number of maids I see in a day, this might be a noble family.
Two: I've been reborn in another world that looks exactly like Earth, but their technology and civilization are still far behind Earth's and I was born into a noble family. It means I've been reincarnated.
I feel a chill crawl up my spine.
It's fear.
I'm afraid.
Both of these options mean I'll never see my family again.
I've been trying to delude myself into thinking that it's a lie and it's impossible, but the evidence keeps flashing like a torchlight in my face.
Everybody I've met looks English, they don't look like Chinese people but somehow their language sounds like Mandarin, and another valid evidence...
Is the fact that the moon, on nights when the full moon is out, appears to be... Split, not split in half, but half of a half, like a waxing crescent moon.
But it was split perfectly like it was cleaved cleanly, and the two sides still orbit the planet together and shine forth their light every night.
Since the moment I saw that, I knew... I knew that this wasn't my world.
All the plans I made to run away and search for Marcelle when I got a bit older have become invalid, I planned to stay with her, even if it meant that I had to change my identity and self and appear as another person, she always loved children and will never abandon a runaway child. If it was option one, I'd have found a way to stay alive until the modern era. Until she gets reborn but...
Reality sinks in and presses its weight down on my heart.
It's impossible.
Tears flow from my eyes.
My chest is heavy and my heart is throbbing in pain.
I'm overwhelmed with sadness and my sorrow keeps multiplying.
Argh!!
Why? Why does fate choose to subject me to such pain?
I curse the universe, fate itself and the world around me as I look at the ceiling, my tears still flowing and I'm barely stopping myself from crying out loud and alerting Jennette.
Why should I keep living a life like this?
Yes, as I thought, it's better to die than to keep living with this pain.
But I can't kill myself now, I have no strength or means to do that, So I'd wait.. wait until I've grown big enough to end this torture. To end my own life.
I'd do it when I start walking...
If I don't have a 'why' to live, how can I survive the 'how'?
I clean my tears with my baby hands as I sniffle the catarrh in my nose.
I have resolved myself.