My anger flares hot in a roiling wave before cooling with the sudden chill of ice, over and over again. Elias's words had penetrated me deeply.
The conversation didn't turn out how I had expected at all. He was supposed to be shocked and disgusted by my admission of killing those people for money.
It disgusted me and I've never stopped hating myself for it. He was supposed to kick me out or say he'd support my mission.
He wasn't supposed to lecture me about my own gods damn feelings and turn the only thing I've lived for upside down.
I don't look up as the door opens.
The butlers calm voice comes softly as he sits down across from me.
"Forgive an old man for eavesdropping… but I heard what the young master said, and I have to agree with most of it."
Of course he'd agree with Elias, he works for him.
"But the one thing that I believe he got completely right was the part about you being a coward. Master Kelric, I have lived a very long time and done things I've regretted countless times."
I look up to see the old man lost in memories of the past.
"But what I regret most of all, are the things I didn't do because I was a coward. The men I didn't kill. The women I didn't bed. Kelric, let me ask you something. What will you have left after getting your revenge? I know what I recieved, scorned lovers and a lonely life taking care of a brat."
His unexpected candor makes me stop sulking for a moment and bark a little laugh.
He gets up then and straightens his tie.
"One last thing before I go, master Kelric. Your friend Harry, do you think he would approve of how you isolate yourself?"
I don't even have to deliberate over this question, I know the answer and I don't like it.
Can I really live for more? Do I have the right after all the pain I've caused?
I've been in the city less than a week and the plan feels like it's already falling apart.
What's worse is the fact of confronting the truth about avenging Harry. He wouldn't want me to take revenge; he'd just want me to live a happy life.
Shaking my head, I refuse to let this go.
Unlike when we were together in Saltpond, I won't let him get his way this time. I will take my revenge and shatter that Empire till there's nothing but rubble, blood and bone.
Elias and the butler are right; I'm scared of anything other than my revenge. I'm scared to put myself through an unknown and let Marinah see the real me.
She gets mad at me quite often, but I don't want her to hate me even more. But what if there is a chance she…
"Argghhh!"
I slam my face in my hands and hold it for a few seconds. Springing to my feet before I lose the momentum of the decision I just made, I'm moving.
I sprint through the house and upstairs to Elias's room and accidentally bust the door off its hinges.
He's in the middle of undressing for bed and his hands fly to his chest.
"Gods damn it Kel—"
I run up to him and shake his shoulders.
"Where do you think Marinah is right now!?"
"At her house? Get off me you brute!"
"Where does she live?"
His mouth drops open at my question.
"You're not thinking of going there right now? Are you?"
I nod in confirmation.
"Kelric. Are you an idiot?"
"I.. I don't think so..?"
"Then why would you want to visit a maiden's house at this hour? Are you a pervert then?"
I realize my mistake and try to backpedal out of the room.
"Well uh.. no it's just that.. I umm. I wanted too—"
Our earlier conversation doesn't even seem to slightly change Elias's attitude towards me and his teasing smile returns.
"Kelric, the girls are coming here tomorrow for the small party I'm throwing. Can't you wait till then to see her.. pervert?"
"I'm not a pervert!"
I turn to leave the room as embarrassment fills me. I don't know if I'll have the nerve to tell Marinah tomorrow, that's why I wanted to go now.
Elias makes me dread the near future even more when he calls out to me while I pick his door off the ground and lean it in the doorframe.
"I can't wait to tell Marinah how bad you wanted to see her.. I wonder what she.."
I don't hear the rest as I stomp down the hall towards my room. Getting undressed and lying down in bed, I'm not sure if I can fall asleep.
My worries are unfounded as another dreamless night passes and I naturally wake to the dim rays of light entering through the window.
The clothing I'm given today is a little different, the shirt is short sleeved and a little tighter than usual. It's not uncomfortable however and feels light.
Making my way downstairs to eat breakfast, I see Elias with a small knot on his forehead.
He glared at me as I pull out the chair across from him.
"What happened to you?"
"I forgot that damned door was blown off its hinges by some pervert last night."
"Ohhh.. sorry."
We eat in silence for a bit until he starts talking again.
"What's that one from?"
I don't know what he means until I see him pointing at deep scar on my forearm.
"Um.. I think that was from an Urumi."
"What's that?"
"It's like a whip and sword combined. It's thin and razor sharp and very hard to predict. I believe it originates from Solicia, or at least the man wielding it was from there. Very strange accent."
"What about that one?"
"That was a bite from a Cursefang Wolf."
He sucked in a breath.
"Was it evolved? Must've been a tough fight."
"No and kinda, the toughest part was not letting the other two encircle me."
"Gods above Kelric.. how many fights did it take for you to become the arena champion?"
"Not as many as you'd think, people don't tend to live very long there. I believe by my 15th match I was champion, that was about a month after I got there."
The rest of breakfast was spent explaining various scars to Elias.
My body feels a little restless after not doing something strenuous since the exam. I also want to keep my mind from drifting towards what was going to happen tonight.
Elias let me borrow a nice heavy broadsword so I could take it out back swing it around.
There isn't any form or particular movement I'm practicing since I've never been formally taught how to fight.
I'm very fond of the new shirt I've been given, it doesn't restrict movement and let's the cool fall breeze wash across my sweaty body.
It's lunchtime when I stop and after the meal, I remember something important.
"I'll be back in a bit."
Elias just follows me out the door like I invited him and we make our way too the Madbell Inn.
The children are as excited as ever to see me and gawk at my exposed arms. The mother has a pitying look that I've seen before, it was the same one the tailor had.
I explain what the Earl and I had agreed too yesterday. The mother joins her kids in a crushing embrace as she thanks me profusely. I then have to shamefully ask her for her and her kids names since I've never bothered to before.
The little boy is Aaron, middle sister Alisha, the oldest is Anya and the mother Arika make up the Mallend family.
Aaron and the girls make me promise to visit them when I have time. When we leave the inn, a smile stays planted on my face all the way back to Elias's house.
I'm thankful to him as he suggests playing Glory War. It keeps my mind off what was too come tonight.
The first game is a wash, and we have to start over almost immediately when I mistake the weaker 'Militia' card as the 'Infantry Battalion'.
Our next one is intense, and I think I've almost won until Elais surrounds my troops in a trap he hid at the start of the game.
When he leaves me alone to go the bathroom, my thoughts drift to Marinah.
I do not even understand why I'm so taken with her, but I am.
She didn't stick out to me when I took the exam.. well, her hair was very pretty.
Maybe it was when she started getting angry with me. Her slightly red cheeks are so adorable, and her green eyes seem to pull me into their depths.
It reminds me of how I used to look at Gabby. That's a name I haven't thought of in a while. Gabriella Tithy was a girl a year older than me, I had a crush on her for a long time.
My bumbling confession makes me cringe internally as I remember that day and her polite rejection. Harry had made fun of me for a bit until he realized how much it actually hurt me.
My thoughts drift back to Marinah, and I still don't understand how I've become so smitten with her.
She's pretty and has laugh that makes me want to smile, but it's not enough to justify this feeling inside me.
Her straightforward nature? No, it's not that.
My thoughts are a mess as I realize I don't really know anything about her.
I feel my face flush as I try to think of reasons why I feel this way. My mind had directed certain parts of her womanly curves towards the front of the list.
"What sort of lecherous thoughts are going on inside that head of yours?"
The sudden question makes me break free from the internal dialogue I'm having.
"I'm not— I wasn't thinking of Marinah!"
Elias grins mischievously.
"I didn't say anything about Marinah.."
I realize my error as a wave of shame washes over me.
"Let's just continue the game! Stop asking stupid questions."
He mercifully agrees to my demand and time slips by. I jump as a knocking comes from the front door.
Elias just murmurs, "I wonder who came first?"
The sitting room door opens slowly, and my heart won't stop hammering in my chest.
Confusion takes hold of me as Dean and Jean, the brothers from the exam, walk inside.
Elias gives me a playful smile before answering my unasked question.
"I invited the people from our group we passed with."
I nod dumbly as the two brothers stare around in amazement.
"This is the biggest house I've ever been in!" Dean exclaimed while Jean nodded with his mouth open.
"Hahaha! Come on you two, sit down and chat with Kelric and I. The others will be here shortly; I'll get a bottle of wine when they do."
Elias plays the role of a host very well and makes the obviously uncomfortable brothers relax in short order.
After they're done gawking at the furniture and finery, their eyes go wide as they land on me.
"Holy gods man."
Dean elbows his brother in the side and apologizes to me.
"Uh don't worry about it..?" I'm not sure why he apologized to me.
I think it's because he's astonished by my physique, I'm in a lot better shape than most people and the shirt I'm wearing clearly defines my solid muscles.
I flex my bicep at Jean and nod sagely.
"If you work hard, you can have a body like this too."
My encouragement doesn't seem to work the way I intended, and the brothers back up into the couch as if I threatened them.
Elias laughs loudly and another knock comes from the front door. After a moment, death affinity guy walks in.
'Sobin? Gobin? Dobin?'
He's not as nervous as the two brothers were.
Elias gets a good flow of conversation going and I learn that the brothers aren't nobles like most students.
Their father is actually a cobbler from a different city who saved up almost all his coin so his children could attend the best academy.
Tobin is the death affinity guy's name, and I promise myself I won't forget it this time.
He is a noble and from a pretty influential family. He's the only son of a Marquess that supports Elias's father. I don't really understand how noble politics and structure works, so most of the conversation goes above my head.
Tobin keeps glancing at me like the brothers, and I finally understand why they're looking at me so much when he bursts out with a question.
"Kelric, why are you covered in scars?!"
Dean and Jean lean forward eagerly to hear the answer.
'I keep forgetting how tarnished my skin is.. I wonder if Marinah would mind if—'
I stop that line of thought and shove it down, there's no use in worrying about something that hasn't happened.
"I used to be forced to fight when I was as a slave in Kalabar."
"Oh… sorry."
My answer had brought the mood down considerably, so I try to help Elias a little in keeping the conversation alive.
"I don't mind talking about it so don't worry too much. I've had these scars so long I forget that their there."
My words bring about more questions and soon everyone present knows a bit about my past.
Jean was just in the middle of asking me what my hardest fight was when another knock came from the front door.
When Marinah and Kathlyn see me, my heart drops a little at their expressions.
I should've put on a long-sleeved shirt when I had the chance..
Elias had sat everyone very deliberately and left only two seats available. The one by him where Kathlyn sat and the one by me.
Marinah's perfume enters my nose as I work up my courage. My heart hammers wildly as I turn my head to stare at her.
She was looking at me and turned her head away as our eyes met. The conversation around us doesn't enter my ears.
'Come on Kelric! Stop being a coward!'
I reach out and grab her hands in mine to get her attention, she stiffened slightly at my touch.
She's flushed with what I presume is anger again as her cheeks burn red. It's so cute.
'Stop hesitating!'
My words spill out lamely as I try to convey my feelings.
"I uh.. think you're pretty and stuff.. and it's just that umm.. ahem.. I-I like you.."
Her hands grip mine back, tightly. Our fingers interlocking. Her voice is small and shy when she speaks.
"I like you too.."
She leans over and pecks my cheek with her lips. I'm stunned at her words and actions. I can't believe what just happened.
I think I want to try kissing her too, but our little world we had entered shatters like broken glass when Elias starts clapping and laughing.
The whole room is silent except for him. I see Kathlyn holding her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.
My expression turns darker than black when he can stop laughing long enough to speak.
"I think you're pretty and stuff.. I like you~~"
His mocking words make shame burn hot inside me. Apparently, the whole room had heard my confession.
I let go of Marinah's soft hands and glare hatefully around the room. Everyone is laughing or trying to hide smiles.
Their tune changes rapidly as I pick up the big wooden table and prepare to thrash these hooligans.
"Kelric! It just a joke! C'mon brother, have mercy on me!"
I stop when Marinah tugs on my elbow, turning back to look at her, she shakes her head. Quelling my embarrassment and sitting the table down, I slouch in the seat next to Marinah again.
Making sure to catch everyone's attention as I speak, my voice is full of promised threat.
"Not another word about this or I'm going to start breaking bones."