[SCENE — LOCAL BANK | NIGHT | SORA IN A SKI MASK HOLDING A CLIPBOARD]
The Soul King glared at Sora.
How the fuck did they end up here?
From everything that had just transpired, how the fuck did they end up here?
The boy had just said, "Wanna see something fun?"
Then bam—here they were, inside a bank, ready to loot it for all its worth.
The fuck.
What had consumed the boy to make him do something so damn drastic?
Well, not time for questions.
Currently, they were in front of the door to the bank.
Sora, getting ready for his shenanigans.
The alarm blared.
Red lights flashed.
Security guards were tangled up in comically non-lethal Reishi ropes that read "Shh, naptime."
In the center of it all, Sora stood confidently in front of the vault, clipboard in hand, Quincy cross hanging out of his hoodie like a fashion statement from hell.
Next to him, the Soul King—dressed in a "HELLO I'M NEW" name tag and an "I ♡ HUMANITY" apron—stood sipping on iced matcha through a bamboo straw, expression unreadable.
"Okay," Sora declared as he slung a duffel bag full of cash over his shoulder, "so technically, this isn't a robbery."
The Soul King, sipping. "...Enlighten me."
"This is a spiritual audit," Sora said matter-of-factly. "This bank has been siphoning money from dead souls."
"That is not how banking works."
"Do you know that?" Sora asked, tilting his head. "Do you? Were you there in the meeting room when they approved a 17% spiritual interest rate?"
"That doesn't exist."
"EXACTLY!" Sora shouted. "Because I stopped it."
The Soul King blinked. "...You made that up just now."
"Details."
Police sirens started echoing in the distance. They would be here in a few minutes or so, give or take.
Sora looked around. "Okay, quick rundown. This bank funds shady Spirit Tech experiments that endanger souls. I'm just redistributing the stolen funds. Technically, I'm a hero."
"You electrocuted the branch manager."
Sora pointed. "He called me 'Yu-Gi-Oh reject.' I had to defend my honor."
"He's in a coma."
"He's also a racist."
"He was Filipino."
"...I don't see race," Sora muttered, fumbling with the vault's combination and completely making it worse.
The Soul King sighed deeply, holding up a hand. With a flick of his finger, the entire safe unlocked, glowing softly with radiant light. Divine intervention.
"See?" Sora grinned. "Even you agree with me. Deep down, you're a rebel too."
"I simply wish to go home."
Sora gasped. "We are home. Earth is your home now. This is your origin arc! Next, we'll do volunteer work at an orphanage, and then—boom! Soul-stirring musical montage with you giving inspirational speeches to troubled youths!"
"I refuse."
"You already said yes spiritually."
"I did not."
"Well, I spiritually gaslit you."
"That is not a real thing."
Sora turned to the duffel bags full of spiritually laundered money and nodded. "You know, I think I'll donate 80% of this."
The Soul King blinked in mild surprise.
Sora grinned. "And keep 20% as the 'hero tax.'"
"You're inventing crimes."
"They're morally elastic opportunities."
The cops burst through the front doors.
Sora threw a smoke bomb labeled "BOOP!" and grabbed the Soul King by the wrist.
"Time to dash."
And just like that, they vanished from sight, as if they were never there to begin with.
And when the cops went through the footage later that day, they found nothing—no proof of the bank being robbed at all.
Even the person who called the cops had no clue why he called.
As far as they were aware, the bank was just... missing a lot of money.
Which started an investigation on where every cent from the accounts had gone—and that led to them finding out about the money laundering the CEO of the company was doing.
Meanwhile, as for the hero of the fiasco—
The two reappeared in a flicker of light, standing over the city.
The moon overhead was large, peaceful.
The Soul King sighed and sat down.
"...I miss being a vegetable," he muttered.
Sora patted his shoulder, a proud glint in his eye.
"You don't," he said calmly.
"You robbed a bank," the man added.
Sora opened his duffel bag to reveal it was empty.
"I didn't. Shame on you for thinking I did such a thing," Sora said, acting hurt.
"You faked a robbery in order to reveal the money laundering happening in the bank..."
"See? Like I told you, I am, like, the greatest thing to happen to this Earth," the Soul King Almighty activated.
"I feel sorry for Byakuya."
Sora's eye raised a bit.
Why was the Soul King sorry for Byakuya?
As if Sora was planning to do some truly ungodly thing to the man's sister.
Speaking of which—rubber no longer worked.
His ass had adapted to them...
Raw it was.
He wondered if he could adapt to have a better pull-out game... what the fuck would he even test it on without cheating or it being weird?
He was not trying to get her pregnant.
"You do know that you can simply turn off your reproductive ability. You have full control over your body," the Soul King said, reminding the boy of his power.
"Oh yeah..."
The Almighty that was present in the man's eyes vanished.
He was not finna see all that.
Too graphic.
Even by his standards...
...Were the clones necessary?