---
Everyone stepped out the door—only to find spider webs stretched across the entire area, shimmering eerily in the breeze.
An ethereal voice echoed from the treetops:
"Spider-Style: Wind Spider Jutsu!"
Before the enemy could even finish speaking, Naruto's Shadow Clone formed a seal.
"Fire Style: Great Fireball Technique!" he roared.
A massive fireball burst forth, scorching through the air and incinerating all the spider threads in the sky.
"Fk! My baby!"** the voice cried out mournfully, clearly devastated. The scene instantly became awkward beyond belief.
Cough, cough~ The ethereal voice coughed twice, embarrassed.
"You three will die with your secrets in the afterlife! Hahahaha!"
---
In the forest...
Cannon Fodder 1 spoke:
"Go ahead, Cannon Fodder 3."
A dragonfly—no, a shinobi using a burrowing jutsu—sank slowly into the soil.
Only the eerie voice echoed from underground:
"Life and death… the rise and fall of one day. The mayfly lives but for a fleeting moment, yet those who pity it are truly the saddest. They fail to see it was born in motion, like the ticking years of fate. Ninja—"
Naruto's forehead throbbed with irritation, black lines practically etched into his skin.
"Earth Style: Earth Flow Divide!" Naruto shouted.
A small mound burst from the ground like a miniature volcano. A muffled pop sounded, and the dragonfly shinobi was launched into the air, crashing down in front of Naruto.
Cannon Fodder 3 blinked in confusion.
"...Who am I? Where am I? How did I end up like this?"
Naruto didn't wait for him to recover. He stormed forward and started kicking him viciously.
"That's for acting mysterious! That's for pretending to be deep! That's for spewing poetic nonsense like you're the damn protagonist!"
Suddenly, several kunai shot out from the nearby bushes.
"Huh?!" Naruto leapt back instantly.
Cannon Fodder 1 and 2 rushed out, grabbed their groaning comrade, and yelled:
"Bastard! Get out of here!"
They bolted with Cannon Fodder 3 slung over their shoulders like a sack of rice.
Naruto turned back and gave Sasha a thumbs-up.
"Don't worry, I'm here!"
---
Just then, Jiraiya returned from his 'investigation' in the red-light district and walked into the scene, blinking in confusion.
"Huh? Naruto? Why are you—"
Smack! Naruto slapped a hand over his mouth.
He turned to Sasha.
"Ahaha~ This is Pervy Sage. He likes to sneak around and peep on women. Stay far, far away from him."
"Ahem~ This is Fuma Kame—uh, I mean, Fūma Sasha," Naruto clarified.
"She's a kunoichi from the Land of Rivers. She was being hunted by Orochimaru's underlings, so I helped patch her up."
Jiraiya's eyes widened comically.
"Naruto, you little—so this is why you—"
Smack! Naruto covered his mouth again.
Sasha blinked, confused and thoroughly suspicious.
"Anyway! We're helping Sasha find her cousin at Orochimaru's base!" Naruto said quickly, then turned to Jiraiya.
"What about you?"
"I met members of the Fūma Clan too," Jiraiya said thoughtfully.
"Their leader's name was… Hanzaki or something. I asked about Orochimaru, but he played dumb."
Sasha looked relieved.
"Good. I can lead you to Orochimaru's base myself."
Jiraiya narrowed his eyes slightly but didn't say anything.
Naruto and Sasha both gave double thumbs-up.
"Yosh! Let's go!"
---
Soon, they arrived at the base of Mount Reizō.
"Past that ridge lies one of Orochimaru's secret labs," Sasha explained.
"Perfect! Let's eat first." Jiraiya said cheerfully.
"We'll need our strength for the battle ahead."
"Yeah!" Naruto and his clone nodded in unison.
Jiraiya pulled out a wrapped bento box from his bag, courtesy of a flirty barmaid. He plopped it onto the ground.
Naruto rolled his eyes.
"No sense of ceremony, huh."
He unsealed a scroll and—poof!—produced an ornate table from his "inventory."
"Yosh! That's more like it!" Jiraiya beamed, placing the food atop it.
"I'll brew some tea." Sasha picked up the three bamboo cups Jiraiya had brought.
She handed the tea to the three of them. They drank it down in one gulp.
Seconds later, Jiraiya screamed,
"ARGH!" and dropped like a rock, unconscious.
Naruto and his clone exchanged glances—and quickly keeled over in sync.
Sasha sighed in relief, then fired a flare into the sky.
Moments later, Cannon Fodder 1 and 2 landed nearby.
"How's it going?"
"I drugged them. They're all unconscious," Sasha replied.
"Now I can finally meet Big Brother Ran!"
"Of course… After I kill them!" Cannon Fodder 1 snarled, brandishing nail clippers for some reason.
"What?! You said we were only confirming identities for Orochimaru!" Sasha protested.
"Hehe~ Your head's all we need to confirm!" the man laughed sinisterly.
"No! They were helping me!" Sasha shouted, moving in front of the unconscious Naruto.
Before she could finish her sentence, a groggy voice cut in.
---
Everyone turned to see Naruto… scratching his butt.
"Oi… Naruto!" Jiraiya groaned.
"Ah? Who called me?" Naruto sat up, yawning.
"Man, that was a good nap."
"You idiot! You just blew our cover!" Jiraiya hissed, face turning dark.
"Ahem~ Sorry, laid down too long and passed out..." Naruto said sheepishly.
Sasha and the Cannon Fodders froze in shock.
"Why didn't the Fūma anesthetic work?!" Cannon Fodder 1 demanded.
"It must be you!"
He slapped Sasha across the face.
"Tch!" With a flicker of motion, Naruko—Naruto's female transformation—appeared and carried Sasha away.
"Hmph! So the drug didn't work. No matter! You'll witness the might of the Fūma Clan!" Cannon Fodder 1 yelled, forming hand seals.
"Under Lord Orochimaru, we will—"
Two seconds later, he and Cannon Fodder 2 were face-down in the dirt.
"Done already?" Naruto dusted off his hands.
"Come out, I know you're hiding."
A rock nearby shifted, and Cannon Fodder 3 emerged slowly:
"The mayfly bursts forth, stretching its wings under sunlight..."
"Yeah, yeah—I have a short temper." Naruto cracked his knuckles and stepped forward.
Cannon Fodder 3 quickly shut up and shed his disguise.
A brilliant, insectoid pair of chakra wings erupted behind him. The transformation peeled away his drab appearance—revealing a stunning woman with shimmering eyes and long hair.
"WHAT THE—?!" Naruto's jaw dropped.
"I forgot the old plot—you're a hot chick?!"
Even Jiraiya was momentarily stunned.
The transformed shinobi soared into the sky, hands forming seals.
"I will revive the Fūma Clan and bring us into the light! Insect-Style: Chakra Bubble Cannon!"
Her chakra wings morphed into glowing cannons and blasted energy spheres at Naruto.
BOOM!
Naruto was blown back, tumbling mid-air.
"Wait… she's a hottie?" he muttered mid-fall.
"NARUTO! HE'S A MAN!!" Sasha screamed, now conscious again.
"...What?" Naruto's soul almost left his body.
"Planetary Devastation!" Naruto shouted, desperate.
...Nothing happened.
"Ahem… I don't know that jutsu yet. Forgot. Sorry." Naruto scratched his head awkwardly.
"Fire Style: Mist Flame Dance!" the enemy roared.
"Water Style: Waterfall Technique!" Naruto countered.
A giant wave surged forth, completely overwhelming the fiery mist.
With a crash, the enemy was swept away, vanishing into the trees.
Naruto exhaled sharply.
"Ugh… traps are the worst."
Jiraiya and Sasha stood silently behind him.
---
To be continued…
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