I swear, fighting Buggy was like playing dodgeball with a blender.
Luffy had already taken a few hits—his arm bouncing back with fresh knife wounds—and still kept grinning like a lunatic.
"I won't fall for the same move twice! Break apart—emergency escape!" Buggy's head rocketed upward, narrowly avoiding Luffy's punch. Then his torso fragmented midair into flying daggers like some sort of grotesque party favor.
I kept my distance. Rubber limbs versus airborne cutlery wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. Luffy swung again and hit nothing but air. More cuts.
"Agh! That hurts!" he laughed.
How the hell is this guy real?
Buggy cackled like he was headlining a comedy show. "Go and die, Straw Hat boy!"
Knives flew faster, whistling through the air. Luffy stumbled, tripping over rubble. And then it happened—the straw hat landed at Buggy's feet, punctured by three daggers.
He spit on it. Spit. On. It.
"Bah, disgusting thing. Brings back bad memories," Buggy muttered.
Luffy's whole vibe changed. Gone was the laid-back grin. He looked like someone just insulted every ancestor he ever had.
"I said… don't touch my hat."
Buggy sneered. "You can't even protect it. What can you protect?"
Bad move.
Luffy shot forward like a cannonball—but before Buggy could even react, a tiny foot slammed between his legs.
Buggy screamed like a banshee. I winced. Somewhere deep in my soul, I felt that.
Nami, looking equally horrified and smug, was already running away from the scene of the crime. Buggy couldn't even get his words out before Luffy grabbed his head and slammed it into the dirt, rubbing his own hat against the clown's painted face.
"You spat on it?!"
"Bah! So dirty!" Buggy shrieked.
"It's your saliva!"
They kept arguing like kids in a sandbox. Except, you know… one was using the other's face to mop the street.
From the sidelines, Nami delivered another kick to the same spot. That poor man's lineage was in danger.
By the third hit, I was pretty sure Buggy's soul had left his body. Luffy finally let go, still fuming. Buggy seized his chance.
"Shattered limbs—combine!"
His head bolted toward his legs… only to find they were the only part of him there.
I raised an eyebrow as Nami stepped into view, casually standing on his upper body—tied up and bundled like a sack of turnips.
"You looking for this?" she grinned.
Buggy looked like he'd seen a ghost. Or his own regrets.
"Rubber… bazooka!" Luffy shouted—and with one explosive punch, Buggy flew off into the sky, his face a grotesque blend of blood, saliva, and clown makeup.
And then a bird took his head.
Yes. A bird.
I watched the last sane part of me leave with it.
Buggy's crew, who'd finally crawled back onto the battlefield, took one look and bolted. Then, realizing they'd left their own unconscious behind, they ran back, grabbed Kabaji and the lion, and ran off again.
Yeah. Same.
I followed, mostly because I was curious where they'd go—and partly because I didn't trust them not to steal our ship.
Sure enough, they ran all the way to the docks and climbed aboard the nearest vessel—our ship.
"Wrong boat," I called, sitting on the edge. "Yours are the ones with the clown flags."
They blinked at me like I was the idiot.
"What?! This is the Bikudopu, flagship of the great Buggy Pirates!"
Mochi finally arrived, still pretending to be in charge despite doing nothing the entire fight.
"What are you morons doing? That's not our ship!"
The crew started whispering among themselves, glancing at me like I was a sea king in human form.
"That's the guy who dropped Liki in one hit."
"Monster Pirates is a more accurate name than Straw Hat Pirates."
"We're not fighting him again, right?"
"Let's just… find the captain. This isn't our problem."
A minute later, they vanished like pros. All that was left was the ship.
Meanwhile, back in town...
"Nami~ You're my navigator now!" Luffy cheered, running from a mob of angry townspeople.
"Fine by me~ I think I can make a lot of money with you guys!" Nami laughed, somehow keeping pace in heels.
Zoro yawned mid-sprint. "Hurry up. I'm too lazy to swing at civilians."
After a few blocks of chaos, the crew regrouped at the harbor.
"Where's our ship?! How can I be Pirate King without a ship?!" Luffy wailed.
"Baki's ship is still here," Nami said, smirking. "Let's see if there's treasure on board."
I popped my head over the rail and waved. "Yo. I traded ships. Ours was too small."
"Lock~!" Luffy lit up. Then frowned. "But I liked our ship..."
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"It's temporary. We'll sell this one later and get a better ship."
Luffy grinned. "You're amazing!"
"No," I muttered. "I'm tired."
And apparently, I was also now in charge of acquisitions, negotiations, and ship swaps.
All I wanted was a place to nap.