Nathan
My big sister and my younger brother Nelson, were saying something.i saw their lips moving but I wasn't concentrating on what they had been talking about. I was thinking about what mother meant when she directed the thumbs up to only me and Nancy. Does that mean that she only likes nancy and I. I knew mother loved us all equally but I could not help but stare at Nelson. He was still happy and unbothered. I wonder how he did it.
"Hey, hey, hey Nathan." The sounds from Nelson mouth became vociferous and I could hear him properly.
"Yes, yes you are right."
"I am right about what thannie?" I looked up into Nelsons face, I did not want him to know that I was thinking about the thumbs up incident with mom. He would think that I am looking down at him, that was the list that I wanted to happen.
I heard Nancy giggle like one of her barbie dolls. " Hey, just repeat to him again." She came closer to me and patted me on my head. " Our little brother here lives in his head too much." I smiled and I folded my arms. I felt like my hands were dangling around too much.
" We have decided to ask mother where our real dad is. I was saying here that, I had asked my science teacher where children like us are made from and she had told me that it begins when a mommy and a DADDY." He paused and then looked at Nancy and I .He put emphasis on the word while holding his hands in the air; as if he was surrendering himself to a police officer. Then he coughed" A daddy live under a roof. That means…Nancy can you finish it." he tossed his hands to Nancy.
She jumped in excitement " That means before, we were brought into this earth, there was an original father."
" Thank you Nancy, that means, we have a daddy even before we were born. But where is he? Do you see any father in this house.?"
"Noooooo!" Nancy jumped up again, I wondered what made her so excited.
" so what do you sugge- sugesht, w-we do with the information." I wanted to know where all this energy and theory was leading too. Deep down within me,I wanted mother to finish preparing for church so we could head down to church and sit down and listen to God's message. Nancy and Nelson were always to energetic and their thoughts were to engaging and fast for me to keep up with. But the man of God In church spoke slowly and teaches me all I need to know about love, patience and kindness. I had already seen myself in church sitting down when I heard Nelson mention my name.
" You Nathan, please can you be the first to initate the conversation, just one sentence then I and Nancy would take it from there?
"oh please Nathan, just this once."
" oh oh all right." I was unsure of what they wanted me toinitiate.
" what do you want me to say?"
" oh all right. This is what would happen, you know how mommy gets sad and gloomy anytime we mention having a father….."
Peace
We were all seated in the car; my babies and I. I looked at them through the…mirror. I saw them whispering to one another. Then thye looked up at the mirror and our eyes met.
" UM mommy, where is our real daddy?" I nearly lost control of my starring wheel when I heard them ask that question. They were always particular about finding a dad not using the word "real". I could hear silence from the back seat. They awaited my response and I knew I had to break it down to them. I began thinking about it as I saw the church building as we got closer.
I pulled up to a parking lot and I breathed in and out, removed my seatbelt and I turned back to meet my sweet hearts. Telling them the truth was the only option now. If I did not, they may resent me in the future because I was dishonest with them. They deserve to know the truth.
" I want you to understand that your father is alive and well.'
Nancy clasped her hands to her mouth like she wanted to throw up, nelson sat up and leaned towards me while Nathan just stat with his mouth wide open. For five year olds, they were emotionally mature to some extent. I really hoped they do not take it the wrong way. At once, I was tempted to just tell them a bit of the truth and save them from feeling unwanted by their real father.
" When I was still carrying you here" I pointed to my belly and smiled. "
" Your father and I had a little misunderstanding and we got separated. I wanted you all to be happy that was why I left him. but what can we say? He is enjoying his life and I am enjoying mine with my babies. That aside, I know you guys would get a Father next year by God's grace. I am working on it?" only I knew the implications of what I had said, sooner or later I would have to face it; the fact that they need to grow with a dad.
" mother we know you are busy, if it isn't really possible we can go to the football stadium by ourselves and we can show you off. You are enough for us." Nelson said.
" Yes, Real father or no real father we are happy when we see you happy like other mothers I see. They always have a big and tall and muscular looking man beside them." Her words beserked me with surprise . she held my hands with her small little palms and said. " We just want you to be happy."
" Yes, we, I mean I want that too, you are amazing and we think you deserve a daddy more than we do." Nathan said. I could not believe what I was hearing.
" Thank you so much for loving your mom." I bended closer to them and gave them a hug.