Chapter 28: Ferocity, Ramen, and the Hyuga Seduction Strategy
Being the hero of a kingdom comes with responsibilities: healing nations, laying down justice, and avoiding princesses trying to carve your face into national monuments.
No biggie.
But just when I thought my life couldn't get more complicated, I sensed something behind me—a flicker of chakra, a faint whisper of footsteps—Hyuga-style stealth. I figured it was Hinata. She had this polite way of being everywhere without making anyone uncomfortable.
Turns out, I was partially right.
On the roof two levels down, in the shade of a sandstone pillar, Hinata and Neji were having a serious sibling conference. I wasn't eavesdropping or anything—okay maybe I was—but when someone activates Byakugan and stares hard enough to melt sandstone, you kinda notice.
"Hinata," Neji said in that calm but deadly tone that meant he was about to give a life lecture, "you need to act."
Hinata blinked. "Act…?"
"You're being too gentle. Too patient. Too… invisible."
"Um…" she mumbled.
I saw her tug her fingers nervously. Classic Hinata move. Honestly, I admired how much she'd grown since we got here. Back on Little Garden, she'd confessed her feelings. It was brave. Bold. Totally unexpected.
I turned her down because—well—I was still figuring myself out. But I made it clear I wanted us to be real friends. And she'd handled it with grace that would make Hokage-level diplomats cry.
Neji wasn't impressed with grace.
"Look at Sakura," Neji continued, arms crossed like a battle general preparing a war map made entirely of romantic disasters. "She's fierce. Confident. Loud. Naruto liked that once."
Hinata's eyes flicked sideways. "I… I'm not Sakura."
"I know," he said. "You're better."
Wow. Okay. Did not expect that from stoic-eyebrows Hyuga.
"But he's a guy," Neji added with a shrug. "A very strong-willed guy. So just break him. Slowly. Food, strength, confidence… and a little skin doesn't hurt."
Hinata gasped. "N-Neji!"
Neji rolled his eyes. "You're a kunoichi, not a nun. He's not going to marry Princess Ramen Statue. But if you want a real chance? You have to make yourself unforgettable."
...Yeah. I was going to pretend I didn't hear any of that.
Except someone else also didn't miss it.
Because crouched behind the pillar next to their pillar, hidden like a shinobi squirrel mid-mission, was Tenten.
Her eyes were wide. Her face was red. And her lips were twisted in a grin that screamed I'm gonna blackmail someone with this forever.
"Oh, I'm saving all of this," she whispered under her breath, not even bothering to suppress her chakra anymore. "Operation Hinata Glow-Up is go."
She slid away, ninja-style, vanishing down the stairwell with the stealth of a gossip-fueled shadow clone.
I didn't know whether to be impressed or terrified.
Later that day, as I finished finalizing the teleport seal, Hinata brought me miso ramen with soft-boiled eggs, chili oil, bamboo shoots, and thick-cut pork.
She even smiled when she handed it over. And—no joke—she winked.
I stared at the bowl. Then at her. Then at the bowl again.
This was dangerous.
Ramen was my weakness.
Hinata? Even more so when she looked like she actually believed in herself.
"Thanks, Hinata," I said, cautiously. "You didn't have to."
She shrugged. "I wanted to. Thought you might need it after all that... princess attention."
Oof. She was coming in swinging now.
"Uh… yeah," I said, scratching the back of my head. "That was, uh, something."
She leaned in slightly. "You're important to me, Naruto-kun. So I'm not giving up."
Then she walked away. Just like that.
Leaving me holding the bowl, the seal, and the realization that my quiet friend was becoming seriously dangerous in the seduction jutsu department.
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Let me get this straight: I had just escaped political marriage by ramen bribe, was building a teleportation seal to revolutionize ninja logistics, and now I was witnessing a kunoichi initiate what I can only describe as a full-on emotional revenge arc.
In short: classic Tuesday.
But this? This was personal.
Tenten had heard everything Neji told Hinata—the advice, the confidence-building speech, the bit about "a little skin doesn't hurt"—and she'd taken it… personally.
And when a weapons mistress takes something personally?
You do not want to be the guy standing at ground zero.
Neji was sharpening his kunai near the eastern wall of the Alabasta palace. You know, looking all cool and brooding like a Hyuga statue sculpted out of quiet judgment.
Then she walked in.
Tenten.
Her hair was down. She wore a sleeveless red top with golden accents (possibly royal gift material) and high slits up her sides that showed off a whole lot more thigh than usual. She was carrying a tray of grilled dumplings and chilled tea like some kind of immortaldess of war-themed hospitality.
I blinked. Twice.
Neji didn't even flinch.
"Neji," she said sweetly, "you've been working so hard. I thought you could use a break."
He paused mid-polish. "That's… considerate."
That was Hyuga code for: What do you want and why is it not a mission briefing?
"I figured," she added, placing the tray down, "you might need someone strong. Confident. A little fierce."
She stepped in closer, casually brushing her arm against his. "You know… the things you said you liked in girls?"
Oh no.
This was not a drill.
She was quoting him back verbatim.
Neji blinked. He was officially buffering.
"You heard that," he muttered.
Tenten smirked. "I did. Every. Word."
Then she leaned down and whispered, "So tell me, Hyuga genius—how's my ferocity?"
That might've been the first time I saw Neji physically flinch. His hand twitched like he was considering a substitution jutsu to get out of the situation.
He didn't.
Because Tenten had placed one dumpling between her chopsticks and held it up to his mouth like some kind of showdown at the OK Sushi Corral.
He stared at it.
"Eat the dumpling, Neji," she said with a grin.
He did.
I don't know what was in those dumplings. I don't want to know. But Neji sat in silence, clearly recalibrating everything he thought he knew about Tenten, women, and possibly life itself.
Tenten winked and turned on her heel. "I'll be training at sunset. You're welcome to spar… or talk. If you've learned how."
And then she was gone.
Neji didn't move for a full minute. Just sat there, chewing slowly like a man trying to digest food, feelings, and fate at the same time.
"Whoa," I muttered, watching from the roof. "She pulled a reverse Neji."
"Yeah," said Kakashi, who I didn't even realize was standing next to me until now. "Honestly, I think I just saw character development in real time."
"You think it'll work?"
Kakashi shrugged, flipping a page in his orange book. "Neji's got a fortress for a heart, but that girl just brought a siege engine."
I exhaled.
This mission was supposed to be about freeing kingdoms and stopping evil warlords.
Instead, it was turning into a rom-com ninja special with side quests in flirting, confidence, and dumpling diplomacy.
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If you ever find yourself in an ancient desert kingdom that just survived a pirate coup and civil unrest, trust me—don't relax.
Because just when you think the sand has settled, the kings start talking about ancient superweapons that can erase islands like bad memories.
Welcome to Alabasta, where history is just another word for "something that'll explode later."
So there we were—me, Gaara, and Kankuro—standing around King Cobra, who was helping rebuild the city square by actually lifting bricks like a dad doing weekend repairs. Gaara floated next to him on his usual sand cloud, looking like a stoic spirit guide, while Kankuro was nodding way too eagerly for someone who usually only gets this excited about puppet upgrades.
Cobra took a break from mixing mortar and told us a little bedtime story. You know, the kind where you don't sleep afterward.
Apparently, Alabasta once guarded a Poneglyph—one of those giant stone tablets the size of a bus and heavier than my emotional trauma. This one in particular? It contained the coordinates to Pluton.
Not the planet.
The ship.
An ancient weapon so powerful it could destroy entire islands with one blast. Cobra said it was hidden, long lost, forgotten even by his own people.
Kankuro's reaction?
Pure nerd ecstasy.
"Do you realize what this means? With modern materials, chakra conductors, and Naruto's energy source, we could actually make this work!"
He turned to Gaara, grabbing his sleeve. "Please! Can you make a model of the ship with sand? Please, please, please—this is for science!"
Gaara sighed. But like any older sibling when the younger one gets unreasonably passionate, he caved and started sculpting. Sand spun around him and shaped itself into a warship the size of a small city, complete with cannons the size of towers.
I whistled. "Okay, that's actually sick."
Kankuro started circling it like an architect high on chakra fumes. "We'll need chakra reactors, reinforcement seals, some kind of advanced pressure displacement system to channel all that energy into a stable blast radius—Tenten can handle the forging, and if we get enough adamantite or chakra steel…"
Then he looked at me.
"…and if Naruto isn't lazy and figures out how to properly channel his unimmortally amount of chakra, we can power it indefinitely."
I blinked. "Excuse me?!"
Gaara raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Classic sand diplomacy.
"You're literally a chakra battery with legs," Kankuro said. "But half the time you just yell 'Shadow Clone Jutsu' and hope things explode in your favor."
"That's a strategy!" I shouted. "It's called creative combat improvisation!"
He rolled his eyes. "It's called winging it. Imagine if we actually engineered that energy into a proper chakra reactor. We could power the world."
Now I was offended on multiple levels.
Sure, I wasn't an egghead like Kakashi or a seal maniac like Jiraiya, but still—I knew my way around fuinjutsu. I had just finished making a spatial seal that lets us teleport, and this guy was acting like I still needed chakra training wheels.
"Fine," I grumbled. "I'll work with you. But if I end up powering some kind of death yacht that Tenten drives into a volcano fortress, I'm naming it the Ramen Express."
"You don't get naming rights," Kankuro said.
"Oh, I get naming rights. I'm the reactor core!"
"Then you're also the maintenance guy."
"Now you're just being disrespectful."
While Kankuro went full mad scientist and Gaara sculpted like a desert Da Vinci, King Cobra stood back and smiled.
"You boys," he said, "might just make sure the next tyrant finds nothing but resistance—and possibly a cannon blast to the face."
He looked toward the palace, where the people were working together to rebuild their kingdom.
"The bonds we create now," he said quietly, "must be stronger than fear."
Heavy words.
But all I could think was: Man, I better get that ramen festival. I'm earning it.
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Being a ninja means you always have to be alert. Stay sharp. Be aware of enemy movement, chakra surges, ambush signs—
And most importantly, never, ever be in earshot when girls are talking about you.
Too bad I learned that the hard way.
So there I was, innocently flying across the city on a sand glider—don't ask, it was Kankuro's idea—when I sensed a sudden chill in the air. Not a killing intent kind of chill. Worse.
Gossip. Girl Gossip.
From the roof, I saw three of the most dangerous kunoichi gathered near the palace balcony. Princess Vivi, sitting gracefully like she was born to break hearts and build kingdoms. Sakura, arms crossed, face scrunched up like she was doing emotional algebra. And Ino, looking way too pleased with herself.
I crouched low and pretended I was adjusting my glider. Spy mode: activated.
"So, how long have you known him?" Vivi asked, cheeks just slightly pink. "He's… different."
Sakura's eyes shifted, not meeting hers. "Since we were kids. He was always loud. Annoying. Persistent."
"You forgot heroic," Ino added with a smirk.
"Yeah, that too," Sakura mumbled. "Sometimes."
Ino leaned forward like a fox with a juicy secret. "I'm gonna say it, Vivi. Naruto's not for you."
Vivi blinked. "Oh?"
"Listen," Ino said, brushing back her hair like she was on a reality show. "He's chaotic, he eats like a beast, he barely notices when girls flirt with him—and don't even get me started on the ramen obsession."
Sakura muttered something that sounded a lot like "He does smell like miso sometimes."
"Exactly," Ino snapped. "Now Gaara, on the other hand…"
"Wait—Gaara?" Vivi's eyes widened.
"King of a desert. Stoic. Mysterious. You both have sand. It's literally fate."
Sakura snorted. "Ino, that's like saying I should date Yamato because we both like plants."
"You're missing the vibe, forehead," Ino said. "Naruto's a hero, yes. But he's also a storm. Gaara? Gaara's an oasis."
"An oasis with a death stare," Sakura muttered.
Vivi, to her credit, didn't laugh. She just sat there, looking thoughtful. "Naruto said no when I made a move," she admitted. "But… he didn't exactly run either."
Sakura tensed at that.
Ino noticed.
And then, because she's Ino, she smiled like a cat who just knocked a vase off the shelf.
"You like him," she whispered to Sakura.
"I don't—shut up."
"You do."
"Do not!"
"Oh, this is better than a Genjutsu soap opera," Ino said, gleefully. "Vivi, go for Gaara. Trust me. Sakura, go bake Naruto something and wear something short. Problem solved."
Sakura turned red.
Vivi looked confused.
And I?
I leapt off the glider and flew in the opposite direction like the palace was on fire.
Because if there's one thing scarier than Orochimaru, Akatsuki, and ancient doomsday ships combined—it's three girls talking about which guy should kiss who.