Chapter 29: Operation Silver Fox – Engage!
Here's some free advice from me, Naruto Uzumaki:
Never laugh too hard when your friends are suffering.
Because eventually, they'll stop suffering—and start plotting.
It all started with a message.
"Bro time. Oasis party. No girls. Just food, fun, and freedom. Bring ramen."
That was it. No sender name. But when you see those three magic Fs in one sentence, your inner shinobi goes "YES PLEASE."
And boy, was I ready. I'd been dodging emotional landmines all week—Hinata staring too long, Vivi bringing up ramen statues again, Sakura punching trees like they owed her money. I needed a break.
What I didn't know was that this was a trap so evil, even Orochimaru would've said "Dang, that's cold."
The oasis was perfect. Warm sand. Cool water. Hammocks tied to palm trees. Choji brought the snacks. Kiba howled about setting up the grill. Shikamaru muttered something about "this being too much work" before lying under a tree. Shino? Silent and shady. As always.
We started with cannonballs into the water, some snack-smacking, and a little ramen boiling on a campfire I made with Wind Style. Pure bro paradise.
And then...
One by one...
They left.
Choji: "Gotta go check on the meat supply."
Kiba: "Akamaru needs a bath!"
Shino: "I need... more bugs."
Shikamaru: "Troublesome. Later."
I didn't think much of it at first.
Until Kurenai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei appeared out of thin air, gave me matching sinister smiles, and cast a genjutsu so strong even my clones got dizzy.
Next thing I knew, the entire oasis shimmered... and reformed.
Same trees. Same water. Same sun.
New company.
Hinata was sitting by the pool, nervously adjusting her towel. Ino was already inside, flipping her hair back like this was some romantic summer anime. Vivi was sipping from a coconut like a royal immortaldess. And Sakura—Sakura was cracking her knuckles while glaring at the water.
Me?
I was trapped.
Like a squirrel in a sexy, emotionally confusing cage.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm a sage. I've fought immortals. I've wrestled bijuu. I once ate a whole wasabi cake on a dare.
But nothing—nothing—prepared me for this.
Because not only did I get thrown into a pool party with four extremely attractive girls…
I also knew three of them liked me in slightly different but equally stressful ways.
Sakura: Punches me but talks to me the longest.
Hinata: Blushes like she swallowed a heat bomb every time I look at her.
Vivi: Keeps smiling like she's proposing diplomatic marriage without actually saying it.
Ino: Well, she's just chaotic. Probably there for popcorn and gossip.
And me?
I had no escape route. Kurenai and Kakashi were literally watching from a cloud, eating snacks like this was a drama.
"Karma, Naruto," Kakashi called down. "That's what happens when you laugh at your friends getting rejected."
"Consider this a teamwork exercise," Kurenai added, eyes gleaming. "Try surviving with emotional maturity."
I hate teamwork.
For the next hour, I was stuck in swimsuit purgatory. They splashed water. They laughed at my ramen floatie. They asked complicated questions like:
"What do you want in a girlfriend?"
"Do you think emotional compatibility is more important than physical attraction?"
"Would you marry a princess if it meant stabilizing a nation?"
I tried to answer. I really did. But at one point, Ino said, "Take off your shirt already, you're ruining the view," and I actually tried to substitute myself with a shadow clone.
It failed. They noticed.
I think Sakura flexed just to intimidate me.
Eventually, I gave up trying to escape. I floated on my ramen bowl raft, staring at the sky, begging Jiraiya-sensei for ghostly advice.
But you know what I heard?
"Should've known better, kid."
Yeah. Yeah, I should've.
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Okay.
So maybe getting emotionally ambushed by four girls in bathing suits wasn't on my to-do list today.
But you know what? I'm Naruto Uzumaki. I've stared down death, talked no jutsu'd literal demons, and eaten expired dumplings. If the universe throws me into a teen rom-com trap, then I say—
Bring. It. On.
After an hour of panic, flailing, and nearly exploding from secondhand embarrassment, I remembered something very important: I'm not just a ninja.
I'm the ninja who rolls with the punches—and turns them into jutsu.
So I sat up on my floatie, cracked my knuckles, and activated maximum chill mode.
"Alright," I said, grinning at the girls. "If I'm gonna be stuck in this genjutsu beach episode, we're doing it Naruto-style."
They blinked.
"Which means...?" Sakura raised an eyebrow, suspicious.
I pointed to the grill Kiba had set up earlier. "Barbecue contest. Winner gets unlimited ramen tonight and first dibs on dessert."
Ino gasped. "What kind of dessert?"
I smirked. "Triple chocolate lava cake with sea-salt caramel drizzle and a secret ingredient."
Everyone, including Vivi, leaned forward. "What ingredient?"
"Victory," I whispered dramatically.
The next thing I knew, we had battleships made of burgers, steaks with shuriken seasoning, and Sakura showing off her surprisingly terrifying knife skills. Hinata burned some tofu but got praised for effort, Ino nearly set the table on fire, and Vivi somehow summoned a royal chef out of nowhere.
But I wasn't backing down.
Shadow Clone Grill Style: Activated.
Flipping eight skewers while seasoning fish with Wind Style? Please. Amateur hour.
The girls may have wanted to trap me in rom-com limbo—but I was Naruto-fying this party.
By the time the food was ready, we were all laughing, eating, and throwing fruit chunks at each other. Sakura had watermelon juice in her hair. Ino looked like a popsicle ad. Hinata had finally stopped blushing. Vivi? She smiled like she hadn't had this much fun since her kingdom was saved.
And me?
I wasn't thinking about politics, or who liked who, or which awkward conversation was waiting around the corner.
I was just there—under the sun, surrounded by friends, being myself.
And that's when it hit me.
Maybe this is what winning feels like.
Not fighting immortals.
Not earning titles.
But being at peace with people who accept you—even when you're wearing a ridiculous ramen-floatie.
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There's a universal truth every ninja knows.
You prank me—I prank you back so hard your ancestors feel it.
So when Kakashi-sensei and Kurenai dropped me into a genjutsu swimsuit comedy hour with Hinata, Ino, Sakura, and Vivi?
I didn't get mad.
I got strategic.
Step 1: Find co-conspirators.
Enter Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai.
"Oh, Kakashi needs to loosen up?" I asked sweetly.
Kurenai sipped her tea. "Would be good for him."
"He hasn't had a date since the Second Shinobi War," Asuma muttered.
"Springtime of youth must bloom again!" Gai cried, already posing in front of the mirror.
Boom. Easy. Adults were so easy to manipulate when you waved the "Kakashi needs love" flag.
Step 2: Set up the bait.
Her name was Viola—a dangerous beauty with deadly eyes and a grudge against Doflamingo longer than one of Orochimaru's monologues.
But more importantly?
She owed us.
The Blood Prison seal we used on her after the fight? It was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. And Kurenai, in her infinite scheming, had told her:
"Seduce Kakashi. Prove you're loyal. We ease the pain. Maybe… more."
Also, Gai may have thrown in that Kakashi was technically Leaf nobility. And still single. And possibly mysterious royalty.
Viola's exact words?
"I will break through his defenses like a dagger through silk."
Yeesh. Poor Kakashi. But also… not really.
Step 3: Isolate the target.
We sent Kakashi on a "scouting mission" that led him directly to a romantic candle-lit garden gazebo built overnight by yours truly. (Shadow clones are excellent at flower arrangements.)
Viola was already waiting.
In the dress.
The kind of dress that could knock the Sharingan into sleep mode.
My Viewpoint (from the bushes):
Kakashi paused. He tilted his head. "A… trap?"
Viola smiled. "Only if you run."
Gai whispered, "Yosh! She's so forward! What youth!"
Kurenai facepalmed. Asuma lit a cigarette. I stuffed a rice cracker in my mouth so I wouldn't laugh out loud and blow our cover.
Viola leaned in, her voice low. "Tell me… do you often hide your feelings behind that mask?"
Kakashi, ever the troll, just said, "What mask?"
We all almost exploded.
But then something interesting happened.
They talked.
Really talked.
Viola didn't press too hard. Kakashi didn't vanish in a poof of smoke.
They actually… vibed?
I blinked. Kurenai blinked. Even Gai stopped posing.
Later that night, Kakashi came back, humming and reading a new book.
Viola returned to her room with a faint blush.
And me?
I might've accidentally… ship-started.
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There are three things I thought I understood in life:
Ramen is sacred.
Shadow clones solve everything.
Kakashi-sensei is a hopeless bachelor with the emotional range of a tree stump.
Apparently, I was wrong about number three.
"So," I said, slumping into a chair at our temporary HQ (a super chill sand palace with an open kitchen), "what the heck just happened?"
Asuma raised an eyebrow, puffing lazily on his cigarette. "What're you talking about?"
I leaned in, whispering like a conspirator. "Kakashi. Viola. The date. He was… smooth. Like, dangerously charming."
Gai struck a pose mid push-up. "That, my youthful friend, is the power of maturity!"
Kurenai just rolled her eyes. "It's the power of knowing when to listen, unlike some people I know."
"Hey!" I protested. "I do listen! Sometimes! When I'm not distracted by flying sand sharks or ramen festivals!"
Kurenai looked like she wanted to throw a shoe at me.
But seriously—Kakashi?! My forever single mentor? The dude who reads orange books and disappears whenever anyone gets remotely emotional?
Now he's suddenly Rico Suave?
I looked at Asuma, pointing. "You've got a girlfriend. You're chill. But you were not that smooth when you met Kurenai."
Asuma narrowed his eyes. "You weren't even born when I met Kurenai."
"Details," I waved him off. "I'm just saying—Kakashi's got game. And he never even dates! Doesn't that bug you?!"
Gai slammed down into a squat. "YES! It burns with the fire of youth! He has never accepted my double-date challenges! And yet he seduced a deadly princess with one eyebrow lift!"
Kurenai muttered, "It wasn't just the eyebrow lift. He actually… talked about his trauma. And she shared hers. It was shockingly healthy."
"Healthy?!" I repeated, scandalized. "This is Kakashi we're talking about! He's never healthy!"
And then I said the most blasphemous thing I could think of.
"…Is he better at this than Asuma?"
Asuma choked on his smoke. "EXCUSE ME?"
Kurenai snorted so hard she had to cover her mouth.
Gai looked betrayed.
"You take that back, Naruto!" Gai said, pointing dramatically. "Asuma may be many things, but Kakashi better at relationships?! This is an insult to love itself!"
"Okay, okay," I said, raising my hands. "I'm just saying—we need to investigate. Find out his secret. Interrogate him. Use chakra lie detection if we have to."
Asuma leaned back, shaking his head. "Nah. You don't get it, kid. Kakashi… he's the worst at starting things. But when someone breaks through that wall? He gives them everything."
"Oh," I said. "That's deep. Still unfair, but deep."
So yeah. Kakashi Hatake, the silent, broody, emotionally constipated scarecrow of Konoha…
Might just be the hidden final boss of romance.
And I wasn't sure if I wanted to fight him… or take notes.