There were countless questions. So much remained unknown about him, and she wanted to know everything. She wanted to unwrap him and dissect him until she uncovered all his secrets. She kept telling herself that her curiosity served the Rebellion's interests, but she questioned how a question like whether he had a family would contribute.
Cause it would mean he was a man– killable, a strategic part of her mind argued, and she forced herself to believe it.
Her curiosity was technical and strategicnothing more.
And yet, she suddenly felt so alone.
Why?
"What are you doing?"
Padmé literally jumped at the unexpected voice, like a child caught doing something particularly naughty that they were told not to. The datapad tumbled into her lap, clattering to the floor. The last drops of wine spilled onto her couch, leaving a stain she knew would likely not come out. Dormé stood across from her, but Padmé had been so preoccupied with her thoughts that she had not heard the other woman's approach.
"Geez," Dormé laughed, holding up her hands in a gesture of peace. "Sorry."
"No, no," Padmé attempted to say, shaking her head to dispel her nagging questions and the abyss of thoughts. "I'm sorry. I suppose I'm just feeling a bit jumpy."
Dormé nodded, offering her a warm yet playful smile. "I would be concerned if you weren't."
Dormé stepped forward and bent down to retrieve the fallen datapad, but Padmé swiftly assumed a defensive stance.
"No!" Padmé nearly screamed, her heart racing as she sprang off the couch to grab the datapad, nearly knocking Dormé over in the process. She held the pad away from Dormé's reach before locking the screen, preventing the other woman from seeing the results of her search. When Padmé turned back, Dormé raised a questioning eyebrow.
"What are you looking up there? Porn?"
Padmé blushed, only now realizing how suspicious her actions had seemed. Still, searching for pictures of Darth Vader somehow felt worse than viewing porn.
"No–I," Padmé stumbled over her words. She paused and took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure before speaking again. "Sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me."
Dormé chuckled lightly and warmly patted her shoulder. "That wine is going to your head. You haven't eaten anything all day."
Padmé nodded and settled back onto the couch as Dormé took the spot beside her.
"I'm just overwhelmed," Padmé began, twisting the empty glass in her hand as she tossed the datapad onto the other side of the couch. "I'm making a fool of myself," Padmé admitted with a hiss, trying to avoid slipping back into the black hole that was her mind. "I thought I could handle this."
"Padmé." Dormé shot her a look- the typical one where she rolled her eyes and then glared as though Padmé had suddenly become the most foolish person in the galaxy. "You were elected queen of a planet at twelve. You can handle this."
"This is different." Padmé shook her head. "You know it is." She took a deep breath before meeting Dormé's eyes, hoping the other woman could not see the wild storm within them. "I'm different. You know I am. I haven't been the same since… since…"
Padmé trailed off, the weight of her words too heavy to bear, but Dormé quickly moved to her side, holding her hand. "You need to stop beating yourself up, Padmé," Dormé whispered, rubbing her fingers along her knuckles as handmaids always did for one another in their youth during particularly challenging times. "You put too much on yourself."
Padmé let out a breathy laugh, simply because she didn't know what else to say. She would argue that she hadn't imposed enough on herself and that she should have done more to prevent them from finding themselves in this predicament. However, she held her tongue, knowing that such an argument would be futile. She and Dormé, along with countless others from her staff, had discussed this issue before, and although Padmé felt that the galaxy blamed her for the rise of Sheev Palpatine, she knew her inner circle believed she was blameless in the matter- perhaps a victim of sorts, even. "What about that drink?" Dormé asked after a few minutes of silence, causing Padmé to laugh again.
"Sorry," Padmé said after stifling her giggles, motioning her chin towards the empty bottle on the table. "I might have beaten you to it."
Dormé frowned at her like she again, had turned into the most foolish person in the galaxy.
"I didn't mean here," she said, almost offended, and Padmé frowned.
"What do you mean?" Padmé asked, glancing around as if the answer might materialize before her. "We can't leave, and security is…" Padmé trailed off, taking in Dormé's wicked grin, and she instantly grasped the other woman's idea. She shook her head immediately and moved closer, lowering her voice. "Sneak out? We aren't twelve, Dormé." "I know," Dormé replied with a sly smile. "I could never have convinced you to sneak out at twelve."
Padmé shook her head; after all, she was the sensible adult, but Dormé seemed determined to not accept no as an answer.
.
.
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