The Velvet Kingdom's sun rose peacefully over the capital. Birds chirped. Bells tolled. The sky shimmered blue.
And the palace promptly exploded into administrative panic.
"YOUR MAJESTY! We—we've received five royal wedding invitations—simultaneously!"
King Aurelius dropped his scepter, spilling his morning wine over the map of territorial alliances.
"Five weddings?! To the same man?! On the same day?!" he roared.
"Yes, Sire!" the messenger squeaked. "They're all signed... by the same groom... Lord Rei Velmont."
King Aurelius stared at the five velvet-sealed letters splayed on his desk like magical cursed cards of doom.
He picked up the first.
—From Princess Seraphina of the Empire of Radiant Flame.
"On behalf of the Imperial House of Solar Ascension, we invite the court to celebrate the eternal union of His Radiant Highness Lord Rei and Her Most Graceful Celestial Princess Seraphina. Please wear gold."
The second was scented with dragonfire ash.
—From Drakana of the Redscale Dominion.
"Wedding duel will commence at noon sharp. Attendees will be spared unless they object. Flame-resistant garments suggested."
The third had red embroidery and the faint smell of baby shampoo.
—From Lady Lilia Velmont.
"We're getting married. Everyone's invited. Even if Rei doesn't remember. I have photo evidence."
The fourth was written on obsidian parchment.
—From Lucivella, Demon Queen of the Ninth Layer.
"Marriage pact finalized. Royal Binding Sigil burned into target's subconscious. Attendance is mandatory. Those who resist will be unmade."
The fifth... wasn't even paper. It was a single, freshly severed assassin's mask.
—From Rosette.
"His heartbeat belongs to me. Wedding scheduled. Attendance is optional. Escape is not."
King Aurelius promptly fainted.
Meanwhile…
Rei Velmont woke up in his quarters with a strange metallic taste in his mouth and five ominous magical seals glowing on his bedroom ceiling.
The door burst open.
"GOOD MORNING, FUTURE HUSBAND!" yelled all five girls in horrifying harmony.
Rei sat up. "...Nope. No. This is a hallucination. This is lava wine hangover. I'm still in the volcano, aren't I?"
Seraphina held up her phone.
"Smile! I need a groom photo for the Radiant Times! We're on the front page next week!"
Lilia skipped to his side with a spoonful of porridge. "Don't worry, Rei! I pre-wrote our vows when we were six! You loved them!"
Drakana cracked her knuckles. "I forged our rings from the heart of a star. It'll only melt your finger a little."
Lucivella licked a contract with blood-red lipstick. "It's legally binding now, sweetheart. You said 'yes' when you choked last night. Consent through suffering counts."
Rosette blinked from behind his curtain. "I made your tuxedo from your old clothes. It still smells like you."
Rei screamed internally.
[System Notification: You are currently the groom in five royal weddings. Estimated political backlash if you cancel: catastrophic. Estimated survival chance if you proceed: uncertain.]
[System Suggestion: Fake coma. Fake death. Fake time travel.]
"I choose amnesia," Rei said out loud.
Location: Royal Velvet Throne Room, Ten Minutes Later
"AMNESIA?" Princess Seraphina shouted, slamming a bouquet into the floor. "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard!"
"It's very sudden," Lucivella hissed, her shadows coiling around her chair.
Drakana cracked her neck. "He remembered enough to flinch when I kissed him."
"He said 'yes,'" Lilia added sweetly, holding up the porcelain teacup with a bite-marked ring inside.
Rosette simply nodded and raised a small shrine she made from his baby photos.
The Royal Council, led by Chancellor Mertigan, collectively clutched their hearts.
"Lord Velmont, you must clarify," the Chancellor said, sweating. "Which of these noble ladies do you intend to marry?"
"Technically... none? Also technically... all of them?"
[System Warning: Diplomacy failure imminent. Begin emotional damage shielding.]
A noble collapsed in the background.
Chancellor Mertigan dabbed his brow. "You... cannot marry five empire-level noblewomen. That would cause—"
BOOM!
A small assassination squad exploded through the stained-glass ceiling, daggers drawn—
"REI VELMONT MUST PERI— oh. Oh no."
The assassins all froze.
The leader blinked.
It was a woman in sleek black leather. Her dagger dropped.
"Oh no," she whispered again, blushing. "He's... he's cuter than the mission file said."
Rei blinked. "What."
"Stand down!" the assassin barked at her own squad. "Change of plans. We protect him now. No one harms that face!"
A second assassin gasped. "Wait, he's the guy in the Demon Queen's mirror selfies?! I stan!"
Rosette slowly raised her eyebrow. "...Are you competing with me?"
"NO!" the assassins cried in unison, backing away into the shadows with swooning faces.
King Aurelius, still on smelling salts, whispered to his scribe: "Add 'assassins defected out of romantic attraction' to the report."
Later: In the Broom Closet of Despair
Rei curled up in fetal position next to mop buckets and broken dreams.
"Okay," he whispered. "Deep breaths. Maybe if I just disappear into a forest and become a goat herder..."
The broom beside him tilted.
Rosette peeked in. "You're cute when you try to flee."
Rei screamed.
Back in the Royal War Room
The wedding crisis had escalated to DEFCON 1. Magical scrolls were flying. Military alliances were trembling. Nobles were dueling with cakes.
"Lord Velmont cannot marry all five women at the same time!" shouted General Thorn.
"Then he must choose!"
"He can't! The Radiant Empire is preparing fireworks! The Demon Queen just sent another 'honeymoon simulation' dimension!"
"Rosette is watching us through the walls!"
"WHAT?!"
"Relax, she does that every Tuesday."
Meanwhile: Rei, Desperate and Clutching a Feather Duster
He activated the [System Escape Menu].
[Options:
(1) Flee to mountains (97% fail rate)
(2) Marry them all (Mental HP -9999)
(3) Reincarnate again (Cooldown: 812 years)
(4) Hide under ceremonial rug]
He selected (4).
Lucivella sat on the rug two seconds later.
He screamed again.
Despite all resistance, each noble house had sent their RSVP. Public celebrations had begun. Confetti storms brewed over the cities.
And worst of all...
[System Notification: All Five Royal Weddings Scheduled for the Same Day. Time Slot: Noon. Location: Everywhere.]
[System Bonus Objective Unlocked: "Survive the Multi-Wedding." Reward: Freedom? Maybe.]
Rei sat in the middle of his room, shaking.
Lilia walked in and handed him another wedding-themed lunchbox.
He sobbed into the rice.
The palace bell rang.
Then again And again.
Five times.
The world was watching.
And so were five fiancées.
Simultaneously Rei Velmont passed out.
Face first into a wedding veil.
To be continued…