I woke up to a strange warmth on my face. For a brief moment, I hoped that everything had been a dream. That I would wake up in my cluttered room back on Earth, maybe with some half played game humming in the background and dreaming about my trip with my friends to get some hot girls.
But no I'm still here just to suffer.
Everything was still cubes making me feel like this was truly a game world.
I blinked up at the pixelated sky, the soft light of the cubic sun rising slowly over the horizon. I was still here stuck in a blocky world where monsters had horny princesses, and said princesses had a thing for biting people and maybe doing something more.
I yawned and sat up, stretching. My body ached, especially after last night's "run in" with Andr, the Ender Princess. I rubbed my neck where she'd sunk her fangs in, leaving me to believe she was just a horny kinky girl.
"What a night, werid but worth it " I muttered under my breath.
Next to me, on the ground, was the empty bottle with traces of Andr's dark, shimmering blood. I don't know how to feel having her essence inside me but I picked it up, giving it a soft shake before tucking it into my pocket. I figured it'd make a decent container for water in the future.
As I stepped outside the small cube house I'd commandeered, the warm sunlight hit my skin. It should have been comforting, but I quickly noticed something else, something that just almost ruined my day.
"Damn it, Andr you sexy witch!" I groaned, looking down at my hoodie. "I just got this thing at Hot Topic! This cost $29.99, woman!"
There were rips and scuff marks all over it. The sleeves were torn from where she'd grabbed me, and there were still faint stains of violet blood around the collar. It seems like we had quite the night together.
Shaking my head, I muttered, "Guess fashion isn't a priority when you're trying not to die. No! you should always look good when fighting for your life I'm standing on that for life"
My stomach growled loudly, interrupting my thoughts. I haven't ate since I got to this world but what should I even eat do I go hunting or fishing since there's water nearby.
"Great. First I get jumped by a teleporting goth monster. Now I'm starving, think man think you need all you tv knowledge about survival right now."
I spent the next five minutes rummaging through empty cube houses, hoping someone had left behind food. No luck shit I would even eat Andr if she was here again.
Finally, I found a small wooden chest beside a simple well. It looked too perfect like it would never get old or take any damage how strange is this world.
"Either there's food or some supplies in here either way I need something," I said, crouching down, "or it can be a trap where some teeth and a tongue would pop out and try to eat me fuck my life man"
I opened it cautiously.
Inside were a few scattered items a bucket, some wheat, a raw pork chop, a piece of coal, and surprisingly a worn iron pickaxe.
"Score!" I grinned. "I can use the coal to start a firer for cooking, meat for eating of course, and a pickaxe for smashing or maybe becoming a miner."
I stashed the loot in my backpack and used the bottle to scoop water from the well. The pork chop was raw but I still don't know how it looks so pristine for how long it was in the chest for. Does food not expire in this world or something, anyways I remembered seeing a Furnace the night before I could use that to cook the meat.
I wandered through the village until I spotted the familiar stone structure.
"There you are," I muttered and jogged toward it finally making at least some progress I guess.
After not knowing how to use it I spent some minutes figuring it out and I somehow open it by touching it placing the pork chop in the top slot and the coal in the bottom, I stepped back and frowned when the flames roared to life. This world function are really strange there has to be more that I dont know about it or even myself.
"What a minute the fuck? Where did the fire even come from?" I mumbled.
Before I could ponder Minecraft physics any further
Slurpy sounds, there's no way the sun is out and there's no shadows anywhere.
I tensed up. "Oh, damn. Not a another spider why god why"
I reached into my pack and pulled out the iron pickaxe, gripping it tightly.
"BOO!"
"Jesus Christ!" I jumped back, almost dropping the weapon.
Standing in front of me was a girl no, more like a creepy doll of a girl. She laughed maniacally like she was a noble princess from the underworld.
"Hohoho! Gotcha good, didn't I. were you scared did my beautiful frightened you hmmm?" she grinned, flashing unnervingly sharp fangs.
I stared. "Why would I be scared of some small cute little girl! I thought you were one of those Spiders crawling around but you just some menace looking for a victim!"
"I am a spider, genius," she said proudly, hands on her hips. "The name's Silk. And mmm you look good enough to bite I wonder if you taste as good as you look."
"Thanks, I think you're not the first girl in this world to tell me that and you seemed not to be the last?" I glanced her up and down.
She was short like five feet even dressed in a gray and black striped hoodie, a black mini skirt over tight gray leggings, and jet black shoes. Her purple hair was tied in a high ponytail with red beads, and her eyes glowed crimson beneath thick purple eyeshadow. She looked like a Hot Topic mascot crossed with a goth anime character.
And her fangs were very real and looking ready to sink into me and taste me.
"Okay so are you like a vampire spider or something?" I asked, curious.
She rolled her eyes. "No, idiot. I'm the Spider Princess and the most beautiful princess in these lands nobody can top me not even those bitchy princess hmph."
"Right. Of course you are. You look like some loli who ready to toy with me."
"I'm thirteen, thank you very much," she huffed, crossing her arms. "My little sister's eleven."
"So Is this place really called Minecraftia?" I muttered.
" Duh what else would it be called but Minecraftia you must be dumb or new around here."
I blinked. "Okay whatever, but what are you even doing out here? Why are you even. Hold on, why are you wearing makeup and acting like I owe you taxes?!"
"Because I can, nobody can say no to me because I'm the princess of spiders," she said smugly, walking up to me. "Now hold still."
She reached up and wiped something off my face with her thumb almost like she was upset someone marked her new territory.
"Purple lipstick?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Looks like Andr got to you that dumb bitch."
"Oh you mean the hot ender princess" I sighed. "She beat me up, made out with me, I drank her blood normal first date stuff."
Silk blinked. "Damn bitch she got to you first, I'm so freaking mad now. You're screwed you know that right at least I'm very caring she is just crazy."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence but I think I can handle her, maybe."
"No, I mean literally. She's gonna ride you every night once the sun sets. It's a thing with her. You better build your house on water cause you're gonna be getting splashed all the time."
I blinked. "Wait what, is she some type of squiter and how would you even know about that?"
" It doesn't matter how I know HMPH. Anyways You don't know Endermen's weakness do you?" she asked.
"You silly loli, I didn't even know I was gonna be teleported into a video game world!"
Silk stared like I'm some new toy to her. " Interesting so i guess You don't know how to build or dig either, do you?"
"Never done any of that in my life."
"Wooooow" she said. " so you're really not from around here I taught you was just spewing nonsense."
"Nope. Name's Theron Valeheart. I'm from Earth. Eighteen years old."
"Huh. Weird name and from where. Are there other humans besides you?"
"Not that I've seen. I've heard there are other 'Princesses' like you and Andr?"
Silk grinned wide. "Oh, tons. Each mob's got their royalty. Want a crash course I'm very smart did you know that?"
I simply nodded, and she sat beside me while my pork chop sizzled in the furnace I guess It won't burn if I leave it in there.
"Well," she began, "there's me and my sister, Widow Spider Princesses. Andr is obviously the Ender Princess. Then there's Skelly Skeleton Princess. She's my bestie. Frosty's the Snow Golem Princess cool girl, literally. Rosa is the Iron Golem Princess super strong but hates fighting."
"Go on."
"Cupa's the Creeper Princess. She's sweet but hates that she's basically a living bomb. Blazette is like Andr but with more fire literally. Eleanor's the Ghast Princess, lives in the Nether. Rot's the Zombie Prince he tries so hard but stinks."
"Are there any ghost in this world seems like something it would have?"
Silk shivered. " yes there's a Ghost girl. Scary. She's Herobrine's daughter. You don't mess with her. Even Andr keeps her distance."
I raised a brow. "You've got quite the dysfunctional royal family going here."
"Oh, it gets better," she giggled. "Gel and Terra are Slime and Magma Princesses hate each other. Then there's Hilda, Andr's younger sister. Kinda like her but more chaotic."
Before I could ask more, Silk jumped to her feet.
"Want to see my power I'm really strong you know?" she asked excitedly.
"I mean sure why not?"
She lunged forward, and I felt her fingers graze my chest and suddenly, I was stuck. My arms and chest were bound in sticky white silk this is not what I wanted her to show me sigh.
"Really do all mob girls want to bound me or something!"
"Told you I'm the Spider Princess," she grinned menacingly.
" So can you, uh free me?"
"Fine." She bit the web with her fangs, freeing me while forcing herself not to try and get a quick taste of me. "I can also shoot webs. Watch!"
She aimed at a nearby pole, and five thin silk lines shot out of her fingers, wrapping it tightly.
" Woah that's actually pretty cool just like Spider Man" I muttered.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. That was awesome and you're amazing."
She beamed grabing her cheeks blushing a bit.
"So, what's your plan now?" she asked.
"Eat, survive the night, and try not to completely enjoy getting ridden by an angry Ender princess"
"Smart. Remember bucket of water. Keeps Andr at bay."
I nodded, pulling the finished pork chop from the furnace.
"Thanks, Silk you really have been helpful."
"No problem," she said, standing and brushing herself off. "Try not to get bitten tonight. Or do. I dunno. I might get hungry and take you for myself."
She winked and skipped around me, humming a creepy little tune.
I sighed, sitting by the warm furnace.
"This is gonna be one hell of a blocky nightmare."