Usopp trailed after Nolan like an anxious puppy. "Seriously though, why a gun? You could've picked anything! A cool sword! Or nunchucks! Or—"
Nolan flopped onto a shaded crate, fanning himself dramatically. "Too... much... movement..." he wheezed between breaths. "With guns... I can shoot... from here..." He mimed firing while lying flat, earning a twitch from Zoro.
Usopp blinked. "Wait, so you're not even gonna—"
"Compete with you? Ugh, effort." Nolan waved a limp hand. "You keep... sniper title... just bring me snacks... sometimes..."
The relief on Usopp's face was comical. "Oh thank god—I mean! Ahem! As the brave Captain Usopp, I'll graciously allow this arrangement!"
Nami seized the lull in conversation to sidle up to Nolan, her smile a touch too bright. "Sooo... Nolan~" The way she drew out his name made Vivi facepalm. "Since we're crewmates now, why don't you tell me about yourself?"
Nolan squinted at her. "Born. Existed. Got lazy. The end."
"Wow, riveting." Nami's eye twitched. "Favorite food?"
"Whatever's closest."
"Hobbies?"
"Not moving."
"Life goals?"
"Find a hammock that delivers itself."
Vivi muffled a laugh as Nami's smile grew strained. The navigator tried a new tactic, leaning slightly closer. "You know, I handle all the finances aboard. If you ever need... special allowances..." She trailed off suggestively.
Nolan yawned directly in her face. "Pass. Money means shopping. Shopping means walking."
Nami recoiled as if struck. Behind her, Sanji burst into flames. "NAMI-SWAN'S AFFECTION WASTED ON THIS SLOTH?! UNFORGIVABLE—"
"ANYWAY!" Nami shouted over the chaos, cheeks pink. "We're here to stop a rebellion! Super dangerous! Might die!"
Nolan blinked slowly. "Cool. I'm in."
That lazy half-smile hit Nami like a cannonball. She backpedaled into Vivi, whispering frantically, "Did you see that?! That wasn't fair! That's cheating!"
Vivi patted her shoulder. "I did warn you. That one's a natural disaster."
Meanwhile, Zoro was strangling Luffy to stop him from strangling Sanji, Usopp was trying to examine Nolan's gun without touching it, and Chopper was treating three separate cases of heatstroke—none of which were actually heat-related.
Nolan absently kicked a pebble as they trudged through the desert. 'Still no system reaction,' he mused, remembering how he'd tried upgrading everything from a cactus spine to Luffy's sandal earlier with zero success. 'Guess I can't just pick up a rock and turn it into Noble Phantasm. Lame.'
His brooding was interrupted when Nami suddenly perked up. "Look! Structures ahead!"
The crew's heads snapped up like meerkats, visions of cool water and shade dancing in their eyes. Even Nolan managed to lift his head slightly - until they crested the dune.
What lay before them wasn't an oasis but a warzone of swirling sand. Buildings crumbled like dry cookies under the sandstorm's wrath. Vivi's hands flew to her mouth while the others stared in dismay.
Only Nolan squinted at the tempest with utter disgust. "Rude," he muttered, as if personally offended by nature's poor manners.
When the storm passed, they descended into Yuba's ruins. Luffy's rare serious voice broke the silence: "Let's go."
They found old Toto digging stubbornly in the wreckage. As Vivi's heartbreaking reunion unfolded, Nolan scratched his chin. 'That description said something about bending reality, right?' He glanced skyward, considering the world's worst plan.
Suddenly, the Straw Hats gasped as Nolan struck a pose worthy of a renaissance painting - golden sunset haloing his perfect features, eyes shimmering with celestial sorrow. For one breathtaking moment, he looked like a fallen angel mourning mankind's folly.
Then he opened his mouth.
"Oi, sky. Make it rain, you... absolute dick."
Silence.
A tumbleweed rolled by.
Nolan's divine aura shattered as his ears turned crimson. 'What am I, five?' He considered digging his own grave right next to dug area.
Usopp clapped a hand on his stiff shoulder. "We've all been there, buddy. Sometimes you just gotta yell at clouds."
"Very manly outburst," Zoro nodded solemnly while Chopper frantically checked Nolan for heatstroke.
Nami wiped imaginary tears. "It's beautiful when simpletons try poetry."
"Kyah! Even his failures are dreamy!" Sanji swooned before kicking Luffy for getting sand too close to Nolan's boots.
Vivi, still sniffling over Toto, gave Nolan a thumbs up. "10/10 for effort!"
"YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME," Nolan growled, prompting another round of laughter as Luffy tried to replicate the "cool sky-yelling pose" with his rubber limbs.
They were about to enter the inn.
The Straw Hats froze mid-step as the sky darkened unnaturally fast. Not with the gradual dimming of sunset, but with thick, heavy clouds rolling in like a theater curtain. A deep rumble echoed across the desert.
Usopp's jaw swung open. "Is that...?"
"Rain clouds," Nami confirmed, eyes wide. "Enough to drown a whole town."
All heads slowly turned toward Nolan, who stood examining his nails with mild interest. "Huh. That kind of work," he mused, as if observing a mildly entertaining street performance. Without another glance at the meteorological miracle, he shuffled toward the inn like a man who'd remembered his nap time.
"WAIT NOLAN—" Luffy's shout was drowned out by the first thunderclap.
SPLASH.
The heavens opened with the force of an overturned bathtub. Within seconds, the parched earth became a shallow lake, the thirsty sand drinking greedily. The Straw Hats scrambled inside just as Nolan face-planted onto the nearest bed, already snoring softly.
Outside, the townspeople's cheers rose above the downpour. Children splashed in newly formed puddles, adults wept in joy, and Toto stared at his broken village now filling miraculously fast.
"Okay, WHAT?!" Usopp flailed, shaking water from his nose. "He just—and then the sky—HOW?!"
Zoro poked Nolan's cheek experimentally. "Hey. Wake up and turn it off."
Nolan responded by rolling over and hugging a pillow.
The next morning...
The rain continued unabated. Yuba's residents had started making wells. The Straw Hats sat glumly in the inn's common room, watching water drip from the ceiling.
"This is getting ridiculous," Nami grumbled, wringing out her perpetually damp hair. "We can't travel like this."
Luffy, bored out of his mind, had resorted to trying to catch raindrops with his tongue. "Nolaaaaan," he whined. "Make it stoooop."
With a groan, the man in question finally stirred from his marathon nap. He blinked sleepily at the soggy world outside, then sighed like a put-upon parent. "Ugh. Fine."
He waved a lazy hand toward the window. The rain stopped so abruptly it was as if someone had flipped a switch. The clouds parted, revealing blue sky so suddenly it hurt the eyes.
Nolan immediately flopped back down. "Wake me when it's time to eat."
The crew exchanged glances. Then, in unison,
"...Nope. Not questioning it."
Some mysteries were better left unsolved.
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