A blood-curdling scream echoed through the halls and every floor of the building.
No dialogue yet, and there's already a commotion.
It's 5:00 AM. The sun hasn't even risen. The rift in the sky hasn't reopened. And I was just trying to sleep.
After everything these idiots did.
Lloyd was arrested for tax fraud and running pyramid schemes. Denji got tossed in alongside him for reselling used cigarettes to a homeless shelter.
--- Flashback ---
"I'm innocent! Let me go at once!" Lloyd yelled. "Javier, blast us out of this prison!"
Javier muttered, "I don't know the laws of this world, but you guys sold literal trash."
"Hey man, it was for a quick buck," Denji argued.
"I'M INNOCENT!"
And of course, Toritsuka was there too.
I showed up to bail out the three idiots.
"Saiki-san, there's four of us," Toritsuka said with a worried face.
"Yo, Pinkie!" Denji grinned. "Thanks, man."
I'm not even gonna dignify this.
Let's just get to a spot where I can teleport.
Toritsuka clung to the bars. "Saiki-san?! SAIKI-SAN!"
"Pipe down, pervert. You sexually harassed a woman," the officer snapped.
"That was an accident!" Toritsuka banged on the bars. "SAIKI-SAN, YOU OWE ME A FAVOR!"
Good grief. You can't accidentally flash someone, let alone a woman.
"WHAT GUY WOULD FLASH ANOTHER DUDE?!" he yelled.
So you did flash a woman. Pervert confirmed.
--- Flashback End ---
Why are these guys even trying to make money? We have literal walking ATMs here.
Noise complaints were filed against Kazuma for screaming all the time—which made zero sense, considering we own the building.
But the worst was from Shadow and Megumin. Explosions.
Naturally, chaos struck immediately.
"EVERYONE WAKE UP! EMERGENCY!" Subaru screamed, sprinting down the hallway wrapped in a blanket like a cultist.
"I swear, if this is about another spider—" I groaned.
"THE BATHROOMS ARE GONE."
…
What?
"All 250 of them! Including the lobby AND outdoor bathroom!" Subaru danced in place, clearly about to explode.
"Gojo tried to install an infinity water pool using cursed energy," Subaru panted. "It became a black hole."
"Okay, first of all, cursed energy doesn't work like normal energy," Gojo called out, brushing his teeth. "Second, it was convenient."
(Technically like a black hole but not a black hole)
Apparently, so convenient it erased every bathroom on the property.
I sighed. What a pain.
Rudeus walked past carrying a book titled How to Build Toilets with intense focus.
Gojo cracked up. "Toilets imbued with cursed energy. HAHAHA."
"I got this," Rudeus said. "Just give me three hours and a pile of mana crystals."
I'll turn back time in the girls' penthouse bathroom only. One. Just one.
--- A few minutes later ---
While waiting for Rudeus, I went on my daily patrol—Tokyo, Kyoto, Shinjuku. Operation: Find the Anomaly.
"Wait, you're not fixing—" Subaru asked, about to burst.
Nope.
"And there he goes," Kazuma waved from the couch. "We could always use the girls' bathroom."
Makima didn't look up from her laptop. "Try it, and I'll liquefy your lungs."
Kazuma immediately lowered his hand. "Noted."
I teleported back.
"Makima, you're in charge while I'm gone."
"No can do," she replied instantly.
"You're the only semi-competent adult here."
"I have work. Fabricating years of documents so we don't get extradited. Including covering up what happened yesterday." She didn't even pause typing.
"…Fair." Reliable, yes. Safe? Absolutely not. A wildcard.
Makima shut the laptop. "I'll work from my room."
"Do your best. Senku, Javier—you're up."
"Wait! The bathroom!" Subaru begged, bowing.
"Fine. One bathroom. Rudeus handles the rest."
"Also, clean the house," I added before floating out the window.
Senku blinked. "I am both flattered and terrified."
Javier adjusted his gloves. "This should be fine."
Kazuma yelled from behind, "SOMEONE SET THE COUCH ON FIRE AGAIN!"
Yeah. They'll manage.
Shadow entered the living room in full cape and drama. "FEAR NOT, FOR I HAVE VANQUISHED THE BLACK HOLE IN THE BATHROOM!"
Ryusui stormed in, robed and completely shameless. "This is no time to debate toilets! There's a bigger issue!"
"The black hole?" Yuji asked.
"No! Saitama already punched it out of existence! I mean—WHO CAN FIX MORE MINI BLACK HOLES?!"
--- Streets of Tokyo ---
I wasn't sure where I was going, but I had to check on the rift. It was still unstable.
The sky pulsed like it had a migraine. I floated above the city, scanning.
Flash of light. Another one.
Target spotted.
I landed quietly.
A step by step tutorial on how to kidnap someone.
Teleport behind them. Knock them out.
Thunk. Body down.
Wearing a suit. Looks normal. Definitely not from this universe.
Oh, and I'm in kid form. Less suspicious.
On to the next one.
--- Back at the Penthouse ---
"Three, two, one—GO!" Ryusui cheered. "Who can patch more penny-sized infinities?!"
Shadow and Saitama raced through bathroom casualties.
Javier glanced at Senku. "You sure this is okay?"
"They're already a disaster," Senku shrugged. "Might as well let them clean their own mess."
"I bet on the edgy guy!" Kazuma cheered, tossing a 500 yen coin toward Shadow.
---
End.