Before Lu Yan could greet him, he continued, "You don't look so good."
Lu Yan smiled and sat across from him, "Master looks tired too."
"You've lost weight. And it seems you're not sleeping well."
"Things have been bad recently," Lu Yan admitted.
Here, in this house, in front of this man who had seen her worst and her best, she could finally drop every pretense and let the truth emerge.
"Bad how?"
"I'm scared," Lu Yan placed a hand on her stomach. "I wasn't expecting this. I just found out that Chen Yuan sabotaged my contraceptive."
Ji Jing glanced at her hand on her stomach, "How's your wound?"
"I might have torn it open a few times. It's not healing as fast as it could."
"Remember what I told you that time you had your first emotional breakdown in the Ji family camp?"
"You wanted me to enjoy the journey, not dread it."
Ji Jing nodded, then asked, "Are you enjoying this journey? Or are you dreading it?"
Lu Yan paused, looked down at her lap, and said softly, "It's mostly dread at this point."
Ji Jing finished his cup, and poured himself another.
He said, "There's something I don't understand. When you found you were pregnant, and when you found Chen Yuan wanted to assassinate me, why didn't you send word? Why did you try to handle it all yourself?"
Lu Yan looked up, her eyes shining with tears.
Awkwardly, in a thick voice, she said, "I don't mean to cry. It's just hard to control it these days."
Ji Jing simply said, "Cry if you need to."
When Lu Yan remained silent, he continued, "You thought I would abandon you."
It wasn't a question.
"No," Lu Yan responded immediately, "I knew you'd be worried about me. I didn't want affect you plans."
"But, didn't you think this was vital information for us? Something we needed to add into our plans? Keeping me in the dark was the worst strategy."
"I- I meant to tell you! But I kept hesitating, and then Chen Yuan revealed it to everyone."
"Why did you hesitate?"
Lu Yan hesitated.
"It's like I said," Ji Jing continued, "You don't trust me enough."
Lu Yan protested loudly, "I trust you. More than I trust anyone else."
"You do trust me more than anyone else," Ji Jing agreed affably. Just when Lu Yan relaxed, he added, "But not enough. Not completely."
Lu Yan looked up at him, feeling helpless.
Ji Jing smiled, "It's alright. We should know the truth. Only then can we change things."
Lu Yan fidgeted, feeling eleven years old all over again, "I didn't mean to not tell you, I swear. It's just- I was a little afraid- And a little worried. And while I was hesitating, things moved too fast."
"I'm not saying this to blame you," Ji Jing said. "I only want you to be aware. We can deal with the rest together."
There was a moment of silence, then Lu Yan asked, "What are we going to do, master?"
Ji Jing produced a familiar package, and handed it to Lu Yan. "Let's eat and talk."
Lu Yan uncovered the package to find honey walnut cakes and savory spinach pastries. Her throat felt clogged suddenly.
Without a word, she took one of the pastries and stuffed it into her mouth.
Ji Jing poured more tea, "Tell me about Chen Yuan first. He has been very restrained so far. I only know he's a promising scholar."
Lu Yan told him how she'd found about the assassination attempt. "The Chen family has an archive where they keep political documents, correspondence and records of court meetings. I visited with Chen Hai once. But I have very limited access."
This felt like just another lesson with master. Some part of her was soothed and reassured.
She sat back more comfortably, "I sent Afei to infiltrate. He had been at it for almost three months, sneaking in at night, and copying information. One night, he almost ran into Chen Yuan. He hid and overheard Chen Yuan talking to another person in code. That person wasn't someone from the Chen household. And they avoided the Chen family guards when leaving."
"So you placed him under surveillance?"
Lu Yan nodded, "When Afei reported back, I had him send someone to track Chen Yuan's whereabouts at all times. We got bits and pieces of information. Afei and I pieced it all together, and found out about the assassination."
"What else?" Ji Jing asked.
Lu Yan talked about the portrait, how he had tested her reaction with a fake one. Then about Asan accidentally finding out about the contraceptive soup.
"After all these years, he actually managed to get a good portrait of Ayan. His assassination attempt came too close to success. He found your weakness and trapped both you and me." Ji Jing said thoughtfully.
He concluded, "Chen Yuan is extremely competent."
"Looking back, he must have noticed the surveillance around the time I found out about the assassination. That's when he started investigating me."
"What's his character like?"
"He's the eldest son of the second branch of the Chen family. He and Chen Hai lost their father at a young age. The first branch has three sons, the third branch has two sons. His first uncle, who holds the highest position in the Chen family, doesn't like him much. He's the best of his generation, but the good opportunities usually go to the first branch. He wants to prove himself. I think that's why he took on the assassination. If he had succeeded, he would have jumped right to the top among the young talents in Prince Rui's camp. He's very protective of his mother and brother. His mother is usually bed-ridden. Apparently she's been in ill-health since her husband died. I think his animosity towards me also started when he realized I was deceiving his brother. He's been discouraging Chen Hai from getting too close to me."
Ji Jing took a moment to absorb this information. "Things might get troublesome if he reveals your identity as my apprentice to Prince Rui."
Lu Yan shook her head, "He's determined to succeed. He wouldn't hand over any leverage or advantage he had. It would defeat his primary purpose."
"Hmm. Still, we have an extraction plan in place. In the worst case, we'll set a fire to your courtyard. Your head maid has a dead body ready for replacement."
Lu Yan felt her heart warm.
"And I heard Han asking around about your maids. You know they're all my people. Why are you guarding against them, and not letting them serve you while you're hurt?"
"I know, I know. But at that time I was feeling too paranoid."
"You're under a lot of stress. It's affecting your decision-making. If you don't handle the root cause, you'll keep making more mistakes, and ruin yourself."
Ji Jing was always blunt.
It was painful to hear the truth, but it was also the reason Lu Yan could trust him so much. He was always clean and clear with her, never hiding the truth, no matter how unpleasant it was to swallow.
"It's just hard. I feel isolated," Lu Yan admitted, "And it's harder than I ever thought it would be. Especially with a child involved now."
Ji Jing leaned forward, "I have new identities prepared for you and your child. We are ready to carry out the extraction. We can do it tomorrow, if you want."
Lu Yan thought about it, then shook her head.
Ji Jing sank back into his chair, slightly disappointed.
There was a pause where he simply looked at her.
Then he said, "You know I would prefer if you didn't get involved in this fight for the throne. At that time, you were determined to get into the Chen family. I asked you why, but you never explained. Can you tell me today?"
When Lu Yan didn't say anything, Ji Jing asked, "Was it Han? Did he ask you to do it?"