Finally it's over. The girls are coming over again. Don't panic, they were nice before. Just keep the same vibe.
"That was interesting."
Sure it was. Sure. Pretend you didn't nearly black out when the professor said your name.
"I only understood like half of it."
Why did I say that. Too honest. She probably thinks I'm dumb. Or not trying. Or trying too hard to sound relatable. Was that relatable? Maybe she didn't even hear me. Maybe she's already forgotten I exist.
"See you at seven?"
Nope, she definitely still remembers I exist. Right. Tea. That was real.
"Yeah. See you."
Head for the exit, Sophie. Don't look back. Don't trip. Keep your back straight and go step by step. Back to the dorm.
***
At last, I'm back. And alone? Looks like Sasha still hasn't returned. Take that sweater off already. Why is it always the sweater. Feels wrong now. Smells like effort. And sweat. Gods, why do I reek? Probably nerves. But I don't want to go to the bathroom again. Those showers are scary. What if I meet someone again. Like her. Or worse. Someone loud. Or worse, someone quiet. I might hear something. Or they might hear me. The walls echo too much. Hygiene shouldn't be this complicated. But it feels like trespassing. Like you're borrowing space that was never yours. Or treading a minefield. Don't even know which is worse.
Snap out of it, Sophie. No time for this. Brush. Pull your hair back. Half-up. Something easy. Now change. Shirt. Sweater. Whatever doesn't smell like panic. Head to the store. Can't let Haley keep feeding you. That's embarrassing. Like she adopted you or something.
Wallet—check. Bag—check. List? No list. Whatever. Just buy everything. Not going back twice.
Eggs. Cereal. Milk. Oatmilk. Actual food. Pasta? Sauce? Bread. Definitely bread. Fruit. Something healthy. Something crunchy. Something that looks like you didn't just panic buy. Chicken breast. And broccoli. And definitely no carrots.
Go. Before you forget everything.
***
Too much. These bags are too much. Why didn't you take a cart. Think for a change.
Oh no, I feel sweat dripping down my back. There is no choice, I'll have to take a shower. Seeing a pervert is better than being a skunk. Why does plastic dig like this. The handles feel like I'm their mortal enemy. Did I recycle their parent or something? One more step. One more block. Just one more block.
Why did you even buy flour. What are you going to bake? Cupcakes? In your dreams.
Stop. Rest. Pretend you're just checking your phone. No one looks at struggling girls. They pretend you aren't there.
Wait. Is that—
"Meow."
It's just sitting there. Full orange. Like someone drew it badly and gave up. Is that a collar? No, it's an anti-parasite choker. So it's a stray after all. But someone takes care of it.
It's staring. Right in my eyes. Why is it so easy to keep eye contact with something cute? Should I imagine teachers as cats next time? Need to try that out.
Oh no. It's an ambush. He's targeting my supplies. Requesting backup, can't fight such cuteness. Just look at him, sniffing around. Definitely got wind of those turkey slices. Fine, you win. Here. Not the whole pack. Just one. That's fair. That's generous.
"Easy, no need to growl, I'm not going to take it away. Want one more? You little glutton."
Aaand—it's gone. This furry vacuum. Oh. He's snuggling. It's a funny feeling, almost ticklish. Why does this feel like affection.
"Oh, you are adorable. Can I pet you? Can I? Oh so cute."
It's really enjoying it. Soft. Warmer than I thought. Smells like dust and sun. It's so nice to pet. I wonder how it feels to be on the receiving end. When someone touches you with care and affection. I wish someone did that to me. Not Haley though. She's too much. Maybe Sasha. Huh? Why did she pop up in my brain again. Stop being a creep, Sophie!
God, if people were this easy. Just one kindness. One soft thing. One hand offered, not grabbed.
You'd do this again. Every day. If it meant this kind of trust.
Don't cry about a cat. It's licking your finger.
Okay. Okay. Time to go.
"See you again tomorrow, little pie."
***
Gods, it's heavy. Unloading time. Choose a shelf.
The middle? Full. Top? Haley. Obviously.
Yogurt with the lid half peeled. Who does that?
Claim the bottom. Shove what fits. Bread behind the almond milk. Apples under the lettuce. Cheese in the drawer. Hope it doesn't mold.
No names. No tape. No rules. Haley's logic: feed first, label never. Done, now go change.
Door's unlocked. She's back.
Say something, don't just gawk.
"Hey. Back already?"
"Mm. Just finished. You okay?"
Why that tone. Do I not look okay? What does okay even look like?
"Got groceries. Going to Yuki and Marisol's. For tea."
Why did that sound like a question.
"Oh. Tea."
That pause. Something is coming. But why. Those two seem like the most normal people of this block.
"Just be careful."
Sure. There is always a bomb. Say more than that. Why that voice? That look?
"With them?"
Is this a joke? A warning? What the hell kind of warning comes without context?
"Yeah."
That's it? No explanation? What the hell does that mean.
"Why?"
"They're somewhat... unhinged."
What does that even mean. That's the kind of thing people say in horror movies right before something awful happens. Is she serious? Is she messing with me? Her face didn't change. She said it like it's something obvious
Okay but, what does that even mean. Cmon Sophie, just ask directly. Its your body going into serial killers den in this episode after all.
"What do you mean?"
You can't drop that and just vanish. Oh no, it's already too late. She disappeared into her headphones. Look at me. Just look. One second. Please.
It's useless. How could you do this to me. Merciless.
What am I supposed to do with that now? It's against human rights to drop such a bomb and stop responding. I feel like I want to cry.
I can't stop thinking about it. Are they witches? Or serial killers? No, that's too much. Maybe occult club? Or secret bullies? I hope it's witches over bullies.
What do I do?
Can I skip it? Is there such an option?
No. Sasha knows. She'll ask tomorrow.
She already knows something I don't.
And now I have to go and find out.
I want to go. I still want to go.
Even after what she said.
What the hell is wrong with me?