The grand finale of the Ultimate Wife Olympics™ had arrived. The arena—once a sacred coliseum of ancient duels—now hosted the most terrifying force in the kingdom: five yanderes in wedding-themed sportswear.
Streamers rained from the heavens. Magical fireworks exploded in the shape of hearts, rings, and occasionally Rei's face looking confused. The crowd of nobles, peasants, and baffled foreign dignitaries held their breath as the final event approached: the Love Gauntlet Relay.
Rei, noble son of a duke, survivor of lava swimming, demon wine, and cuddles strong enough to break ribs, stood center stage.
Wearing a "PRINCE REI: PROPERTY OF NOBODY (pls let me go)" t-shirt.
"I didn't sign up for this," Rei muttered.
From the royal balcony, Seraphina waved like a queen addressing her loyal subjects. "Let the final ceremony begin! And may my kiss be the last one he ever needs!"
Drakana cracked her knuckles, flames curling around her fists. "He'll need new lips after mine."
Lilia giggled while hugging a plush version of Rei. "I already practiced the perfect angle… every night."
Rosette stood silently behind a curtain, sharpening something suspiciously lipstick-shaped.
And Lucivella? She was casually sipping wine and petting a mini demon goat on her lap.
"Let the Love Gauntlet commence!" the announcer bellowed.
A giant floating heart hovered above the arena. The contestants had to run, fly, teleport, or otherwise reach Rei through a gauntlet of magically conjured obstacles. The prize? A public, magical, slow-motion kiss.
"What could possibly go wrong," Rei muttered as the ground began glowing beneath him.
That's when he saw the problem.
A giant heart-shaped arrow—twice the size of a battering ram—was being magically drawn by a misfiring Cupid automaton from the church of Saint Obsessia. And it was aimed directly at him.
"Oh come on—!"
THWANG!
He dove.
He twisted.
He backflipped off a confused nobleman holding cotton candy.
He dodged the arrow… barely.
But fate, cruel and narratively dramatic, had other plans.
In his airborne tumble, Rei crashed directly into—
All five girls.
At once.
There was a chorus of gasps. And then…
SQUISH.
Lips collided.
From five directions.
Simultaneously.
In perfect, accidental, universe-breaking synchronicity.
A silence fell across the arena so profound even the wind held its breath.
And then—
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd screamed in pure emotional chaos.
"WHAT!?"
"HE KISSED THEM ALL?!"
"NATIONAL EMERGENCY! CALL THE HOLY INQUISITION—WAIT THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!"
From the sky, a camera drone shaped like a golden duck zoomed in. Goddess Eris sat in her bubble-bath dimension, eating spicy noodles and snorting wine.
"Oh this is gold," she said, nearly choking. "Perfect tension. Drama! Accidentally polyamorous chaos! Chef's kiss."
[System Notification: You have activated [Kisspocalypse: Mass Affection Critical Overload].]
[All five affection meters have exceeded maximum.]
[Recalculating romantic future… Warning: Error. Too much love detected.]
[New title unlocked: Prince of Simultaneous Smooches.]
[Public opinion of you has become: Legendary.]
[Side note: You still look like you're trying to escape.]
Indeed, Rei had fainted standing up, twitching like a possum playing dead in hopes the moment would reset itself.
When he came to, he was not where he remembered.
He opened his eyes slowly… to see walls covered in silk roses. The air was filled with soft, mood-enhancing incense. Harps played in the distance. And a mechanical voice softly said:
[Welcome to the Honeymoon Simulation Dungeon. We hope you enjoy your forced stay.]
Rei bolted upright.
"What?! Where am I?! Where are my pants!?"
[For immersion purposes, clothing has been optimized for maximum vulnerability.]
He looked down. Pajama robe. Embroidered with the phrase: "Groom-in-Training."
"Nope. Nope. I'm hallucinating again. This is just demon wine flashback. That marriage contract in my pocket doesn't mean anything!"
He patted his robe pocket.
A glowing scroll fell out.
"Demonic Eternal Marriage Pact – Signed: Lucivella. Cosigned: Fate."
Rei's eyes twitched. "I need a lawyer. And maybe an exorcist."
[New Mission Unlocked: Survive the Simulation Dungeon of Matrimonial Mayhem™]
[You will face five custom-designed simulation rooms. Each themed after a yandere's idea of the perfect honeymoon.]
[Reward: A coupon for 15 minutes of Rest.]
[Failure: Emotional Obliteration.]
Rei dropped to his knees.
"I'm so tired. I just wanted to eat soup alone. That was it. That was the dream."
The system cheerfully chimed in:
[Pro Tip: Next time, dodge the heart-shaped arrow more carefully.]
Meanwhile…
Far above in the royal castle, the National Marriage Registry office had entered full meltdown.
"I'm telling you!" screamed one clerk, waving five scrolls in the air. "They all claim they're engaged to the same man!"
"I need backup parchment!" another cried. "And someone bring smelling salts! A noble fainted after reading the kiss report!"
The registry crystal that displayed active royal engagements began to glitch. Sparks flew. Smoke rose. The list updated:
Engaged: Rei von Edenfall (x5)
Fiancées: Seraphina, Drakana, Lilia, Rosette, Lucivella.
The crystal exploded in a shower of magical fire.
Back at the Honeymoon Dungeon, Rei found a glowing door marked Room 1: Seraphina's Hot Spring Heaven.
"Oh no. No no no—"
He turned to run.
Another door slammed open behind him, marked Room 2: Drakana's Volcano of Love.
Then a third: Lilia's Forever Nostalgia Nursery.
Then Rosette's Pure Forest Bonding Tent.
And finally…
Lucivella's door appeared, made of obsidian and pulsing like a heartbeat.
Infinite Passion Chamber.
"NOPE," Rei screamed and tried to climb out the ceiling vent.
[System Notification: Escape Denied.]
[All routes are sealed.]
[Begin Honeymoon Simulation in 5… 4… 3—]
"ERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!" Rei screamed toward the heavens.
Eris raised her glass. "To drama."
To be continued…
[System Notification: Cliffhanger Activated.]
[Engagement status: Confirmed by accidental kiss. Verified by royal law. And now backed by five magical binding proposals.]
[Estimated Survival Rate: Please make peace with your gods.]
[Next Chapter Preview: Can Rei survive five honeymoons in one dungeon?]
[Or will love… finally kill him?]