What a damned day. A knock on the day brought me back to reality.
" clarisa" a soft deep voice rang out. My face contorts with a mix of emotions as I never expected this day to come.
" I'll go prepare some tea my lady" Sarah exit the room as an uncomfortable silence settles in and across the table from me was Clark my 'brother'. I wasn't going to speak first as I just stared and observed what his motives might be.
" you are probably wondering why I'm here right now" his eyes remained glued to the table like there was the most important information on it.
"I know you can use magic" my heart skips a beat but I kept my cool.
"And?"
" I'm not trying to threaten you that's not my intention " I guess my reply was too cold as he looks so extremely flustered.
"Thank you Sarah ill let you know if I need anything else"
" I'll be right outside my lady, my lord" the awkward silence was back.
Why did he just speak about my magic, what does he want, how long has he known , does the count and countess know.
" clarisa can I tell you my story" I furrow my brows in confusion.
"Yes brother" best to keep watching.
"I was always the best, the best heir , best at controlling mana, best at mana output" what is this did he come here to brag. I don't care for this. I sip my tea with a bored expression
" at age 10 i was a 6th circle mage and on the fast track to become a grand mage. Whenever I was praised, father and mother looked so proud of me. I knew their relationship was merely arranged but my existence made their union meaningful." Now I'm just getting annoyed do i really need to hear all this?
"Then one evening father came home looking like the world had sunk beneath his feet. For the first time in a long time father and mother were fighting screaming at each other. I couldn't understand it. I had made progress in my magic class today. Why wasn't it enough today? I wanted to show them how great I was so they could both smile so I went closer. I shouldn't have gone closer. I should have stayed ignorant." I don't understand what he is saying. It sounds like he wants to tell me something valuable but he keeps adding unnecessary information.
"Father had brought home a child, she had been born just few hours prior and her mother had given up her life to birth the child" I could feel my head spinning. 'A child when brother was 10?'
"There was a maid that worked for the previous count and countess. She had beautiful golden locks and the most sparkling green eyes" stop it i don't want to hear this. I could feel my heart racing as my breathing became erratic.
"He was the successor so he couldn't marry a mere maid so he entered an arranged marriage and kept the maid as a mistress away from the public eye" no stop it don't say any more please.
"After a few years together the maid wanted to bear a child who she could love dearly. The count was happy to hear about a child born from the love he always wanted" please stop it, don't say anymore.
"During delivery of the child, the maid asked the mid wives to save the child instead if the decision ever came to that. Father asked them to save her but she refused even after Father told her he would never love a child she died to give birth it" no my hell cannot have been created like this. This can't be there has to be a better reason I cannot accept this.
"The maid died giving birth to the child and that day the dumont family added a new member and our personal hell was created. No matter what achievement I got mother never smiled at me. The love in fathers gaze faded and all I saw was greed. He went from being happy I was a 6th circle mage to threatening to make the new child his successor if I didn't show progress"
"Stop it please" it was nothing but a soft whisper. I fought back tears as my whole life came crashing down. I wanted there to be a grand reason something that made them hate me so much.i hate them all so much so i wanted there to be a grand reason for their hate too. But this.... this .... I was treated so badly because of this. The tears poured down. I couldn't hold it back any longer. 12 years in hell. Trapped in this nightmare and all because I was born between two cheating bastards. My whole life, every pain all because they were in love. The tears flowed as my voice crack as I sobbed.
Brother sat there and watched as I cried my eyes out.
" why are you telling me this now" through gritted teeth I want to know what he wants. Exposing a deep secret like that did he just want to hurt me. How utterly despicable.
" I want to help you escape"
"What?"
"I saw the look that prince callus gave you during the ceremony. I can never forget that look as it's the same one father had on his face 12 years ago" he looked like he was fighting back tears. Why now? Aftere all this years of hating me now he wants to help?
"You don't need to believe me, I've failed you as a brother as I couldn't protect you"
"Couldnt?"
"No , I didn't want to protect you. Maybe a small part of me resented you for being born, even when I knew it wasn't your fault"
"So why do you want to help now? What's in it for you?"
"Nothing is in it for me, no that's not true. It's all for self gratification. I couldn't save mother. So if I could just save you, then maybe just maybe my life would be worth it" I resent him, I really do but he was a 10 year old child who watch his entire world collapse one evening. Nothing can change my feelings of resentment. My head understands but my heart, my heart just cannot do it.
"Isn't it because you are scared?" He flinches and his face hardens
"If the count finds out that I can use magic, your position in the family will be threatened" he bites his lips hard, clenching his fist.
"I know, you have every reason to hate me, to want to get back at me"
" i don't want it" his eyes widen in shock
"I will never be the reason the dumont family gains fame or wealth" i could see him fighting back tears as reality settles in.
"I resent you all, I understand you and the countess but I still resent you all"
"Right now that I am the perfect heir but he stills refuses to acknowledgeme, i just don't want to lose what i have worked so hard for the last 22 years" i could hear the sincerity but I couldnt care less.
"Leave me, give me some time to think of your offer" i need to think. My head is a mess right now. I just want to be alone.
The door creaks open and shut.
"My lady" biting hard on my lips trying not to cry.
"Sarah i need some space, I'll be going to bed early and I don't need dinner" hugging me tightly.
"If you need me at anytime just ring the bell and I'll come running"
Laying on my bed I couldn't stop the tears. Whenever I feel my life couldn't get worse it just sinks lower. Being hated was bad, now I find out I'm an illegimate affair baby. If you were going to hate me so much why?why?why conceive me? He loved her so much he hated the child you gave her life for? It's such a pathetic and generic tale it makes my heart ache.
Would anyone blame me if I were to turn evil and kill them all? I believe the universe would understand my hatred. I'm so tired, I'm so tired I can barely breath.
I wanted their hate to be my fault. I wanted it to be because of a sin I committed, maybe then maybe their hate would be justified.
Now I see why the maids always had that grim look on their faces, i look nothing like the count so I must look uncannily like my mother. I feel so pathetic.